That's not enough to bring me down, sucker.

Lil gurl has been nagging me about getting a mocha frappe for twenty-one days now.

And I tell her: When we have enough money, we'll get those expensive treats.

For now, we need to save money because we don't have so much and because we have a big project.

One of the nights I cried silently, crying those two-minute sobs - just because I feel like crap, lil gurl tells me

"Ma, even if we don't have so much money, I still think we have the best life right now"

AND I tell myself: What in the world did I do to deserve such a wonderful daughter?

Who knocks me to my senses when I'm in the brink of losing it.

Okay, I admit, I'm such a DQ.

Though I have been feeling more of half-empty nowadays, I told myself I will see things as half-full. After all, what could possibly be wrong in my life that I couldn't handle, right?

I spent the five days of holiday just doing nothing - just driving around, eating out with Coco, staring at my ceiling at night and asking myself all those gazillion questions I have. And I awake with with the same answer: nothing, and just more questions.

As I realize that the people who are constantly bringing me down are the very same people I care deeply about is just another fact of life that I need to swallow whole - with all the bitterness and anger in.

And if I couldn't find the logic in everything that is happening, or if I couldn't accept whole-heartedly the things I have or hear, or even feel, I must overcome them. 

At that moment, I had a choice: to let it get to me or to rise above it.

And today, right now, I choose to rise above it.

I will stick with my plan. I know I am on track and within timeline.

I will keep my mouth shut. No matter what!

I will take the insults and turn them into a challenge.

I will accept that there are things in this life that will never sit well with me. And I shouldn't care.

I will understand that my life is not normal to begin with and it will never be.

AND I will, from this day forward, count my blessings as they come.

I am blessed in more ways than one. If I need to remind myself of that every chance I get, I will. 

I will believe in myself even if it's just me who's left believing.

So, if they think, a few insults here and there, some bullying and more hurtful actions will bring me down, well, too bad, it ain't enough.