Of fortune telling and destiny.

I wish I could say I never believed in tarot card readings or plain panghuhula. I wish I could say I make my own destiny and the future unfolds, only as I see it. BUT I couldn't. Over the years of my existence, I never sought these manghuhulas or fortune tellers. I never sought them out or craved for them like a fish out of water. But they find me like the evening find its way after the sunset. And I am enamored, and their words would keep playing in my head that I feel like it's me doing a self-fulfilling prophecy.

Years ago, my cousin and I went to this fortune teller in the outskirts of Laguna. We went there because my tita bumped into him and told her of our fortunes. Because we are mostly curious, and partly naive, we went to seek him out. When we found him, we were like moths driven to the light. Yet once inside, we wanted to run. I wanted to run. And not hear our future, lest it's not something we agree on. But we stayed, I stayed. Like children stuck on a candy store window, we pressed our noses closer to the candy jars to fully see what lies beyond the glass panes.

And i saw mine. And now I remember clearly that the fortune teller told me what's gonna happen at least two years down the road. And now that my two years already played out, with the scenes taking place just as he said, i remember clearly.

Last year I told you about the fortune teller I met accidentally. And yes, she told me everything that happened years ago, and told what's gonna happen years down the road. Much isn't clear, partly because she speaks as if in riddles. Now that I am in the middle of everything, I remember her choice of words. And I think she is right.
I find everything she says in the decisions that I make, the emotions that I feel, the strange reactions I give and the crazy circumstances that I find myself into.

And i keep my eyes shut, and ask my Personal Saviour, my path that I should choose. Is it so bad to have this timely gift of friendly fortune tellers? I have often worked my way and ventured my way finding signs. I have always sought them out. Now that I am feeling lost by the minute. or sadder by the second, the signs escape me. And her words vibrate like church bells in the middle of the night.

I know what I should do. It's the most logical thing to do so. But is it worth it? That, my friends, I would leave to destiny. Signs. Or no signs. Fortune teller or otherwise.

Drama Queen

Paulo Coelho tweeted: Close some doors. Not out of incapacity or arrogance, but because they lead you nowhere.

When the year started, I found myself in a dilemma. With work, with my personal life, with a lot of matters. And I found myself constantly thinking how I could strictly follow my goal-action plan, with its timelines.

Now I know.

I have always believed in things happening for a reason. And I have always believed that when they happen, they happen at the right time. Whether we grasp it or not, comprehend its purpose or not, we should know that our God has mapped out our lives, the way he sees it fit. Days, months, years down the road, you'll figure out the answers to your questions.

And yesterday, I found my answer to one of the top three questions I've had since two years ago. Is it too late? No. Is it what I was expecting? Yes. Yesterday, I know that nowhere is not a road I want to travel. And working out the plan to diverse in path should start today.

I guess, some parts of us, with the wheel of routine and everyday doldrums, we know deep down how things are going to be. Even if we just resign them to fate. invisible hand. destiny. whatever we may call it.