When Coco Says the Craziest Things

Coco woke me up early this morning and exclaims that I’ve overslept again. Overslept and missed the early morning Sunday mass. She tells me this as if she’s the mom and I’m the daughter. And she says it with much conviction, and with a perfect imitation to my “I’m already exasperated and mad” look, that I couldn’t help but smile in my half asleep state. BUT this fully wakes me up from my 2 hour slumber.

Our conversations would usually go like two mini adults talking, no baby talk just pure and honest conversations between really point-driven individuals. She has her own opinion and she has her preferences, and she doesn’t blink an eye when she tells you honestly what you need to hear. I have about a hundred funny moments with her saying too frank stuff that causes others to be embarrassed but mostly, I have about a few (okay, a lot) that leaves me rolling my eyes.

1. Coco on my cooking skills:

This morning she insisted I cook her early breakfast. And informs me that she needs to eat now, her teddies (she calls them mga anak) are already hungry.

Coco: Ma, gutom na ko (Ma, I’m hungry already). Gutom na ako mga anak.
Me: Unsa imu gusto kaunun for breakfast? (What do you want to eat for breakfast?)
Coco: Unsa man imu kaya lutuon?? (What can you cook??)

And with this, I reached for a can of tuna and some eggs. I CAN cook breakfast.

2. On finding the right pair of shoes:

A month or so ago, we were searching for the perfect pair of shoes for her to wear at Tita Hana’s wedding. I insisted on something glittery so she could wear it with her other dresses. And she says she won’t wear something that hideous.

Me: Let’s buy this Co, it will look good on you.
Coco: Dili ko ganahan ug gold. Kakulba ana, kapangit.
Me: It’s nice, it’s like your dora gladiators, they’re gold too.
Coco: I Know.
Me: Good, so let’s get this one, It will look good on your other dresses too.
Coco: I’m not wearing the other dresses to the wedding. This wouldn’t look good on the wedding dress. (In her original version: Dili man ang uban na dress ako gamitun sa wedding. Dili ni bagay sa ako wedding dress)

And with this, we got her the peach one, with a nice big ribbon. At least we both agreed that ribbon is the way to go.

3. On Losing Weight:

Last week, I came home with a piece of tuna pie for my little one. As promised, I gave her the pie’s half and told her to eat the other half in the morning.

Coco: Nganu tunga ra? (Why only half?)
Me: Cuz you’re already big na, your tummy is big already
Coco: Oh? Nganu ikaw one whole man, ako half ra?

I’m telling you, my tummy is NOT that big…

4. On beauty and plastic surgery:

Coco: Ma, nagpalit ka ug liug? (Ma, did you buy a NECK?)
Me: HA?
Coco: Liug bah. Kai wala koy liug, palit nalang ta liug. (Neck. Cuz I don’t have one, pointing to her double chin, let’s buy neck nalang)

Yes. Blank stare. And a whole hour of laughter.

5. On finding the right guy.
Coco never really cared if the family pictures don’t consist of the usual family tree. She seems to understand that it’s mostly me and her. And tita Corie and the whole Lolo and Lola, Titas and Titos line up. But this one morning she asked me if I’d ever start looking for someone-anyone in my life.

Coco: Ma, ngita ka ug uhmmm?
Me: No. Nganu man?
Coco: Nganu man dili?
Me: Kai di mana gapangitaun. You and me are okay right?
Coco: Yeah. Pero if dili ka mangita, makakita kaha ka?

What the??? Where does she get these lines? I never taught her anything even remotely referring to my love life. Or lack of it. And she drops series of bombs and ending it with: Kakulba gud ana, Ma.

Talk about kids saying the most bizarre things. Have a small chit chat with my little one and you’ll roll over with her simple humor and straight to the point hard facts. Sometimes, I get to think, this little girl named Coco is actually my twin, my soulmate, my alter ego- trapped in a two-year-old’s body. Yes, she just turned two!