Having Faith

Today, I got a surprise phone call. And this weekend will be spent contemplating, analyzing, weighing and finally deciding. And as of this moment, all I could hear is my heart pounding.

They gave me an offer that I couldn't refuse.

Last weekend, I have made up my mind and politely declined their offer. I decided I'm sticking and waiting it out. And so I called. It was quiet acceptance after they asked me for my reason for declining. Then this morning, they made a counter offer.

And I am here, racking my brain, writing the Pros and Cons. Listing down possibilities. And outlining the current vs the future. And always taking into consideration the big 30. And I couldn't make a decision yet. I want to, but not really. I kinda. but.... I will... I might.... I am stuck in a limbo.

Despite the obvious money considerations, I am listing down the things that I am considering for this decision:

1. Will I have more room for career growth?
2. Will I be able to continue writing?
3. Will I be working with a good set of people?
4. Will I be working with an institution that values my values?
5. Will due recognition be given to small achievements and more?
6. Will they cover my daughter's medical insurance?
7. Will It be better for Coco's future?

I know which decision will gain more votes. I know deep in my heart that it's a no brainer, hands down, united decision. The only reason why I am having stupid second thoughts is the fact that I have already found a good set of friends here. And maybe, I am afterall, attached to my meanie boss.

SIGH.

He's a slave driver. A perfectionist and an annoying one to boot. He says the wrong things at the wrong time and he is quick to point out mistakes and slow to give praises. But for the past two years, I have found out that he is able to see the talents and the skills of his people and able to provide recognition when deserved. And I feel proud that he was able to see potential in me. And I feel proud that T and I (and also D) get gold medals and good jobs after a long day's or week's work.

But the only thing is, it always happens too late. Mine came a year later.

And if I wait it out for another year, will I be able to live the life that I want before I reach my 3-0? Or Would I still be working two, three jobs and feel tired when I reach my half century?

And so, the dice is tossed.

Help me God discern what is best. I cannot make this decision based on my own understanding. There must be a bigger and better reason for choosing a path, and I can't see the signs. I don't see anything clearer than what I see now.

So all I really could do is have faith. Just have faith.