Free Falling

I like someone.

And he likes me back.

Although it may not be IT, but it is something.

And for the first time, in such a crazy long time, I actually feel......

* that I am capable of loving another person other than my little girl.

And my immediate family.

And my closest friends.

* that the world is actually really colorful (LOL) and not just black and white

* that I am capable of truly discarding every ounce of bitterness left inside

* that there is a possibility of me actually free falling in love with someone... well, concrete.

So, most days recently, I find myself.......

*grinning

*being thankful for the days in between

*happy, loved, better

But in nights like tonight, I also find myself thinking about many things at once.

Taking in the reigns of caution and throwing most stars in the eyes to the wind.

Maybe, I am trying to rationalize so many feelings at once. Or maybe just putting a logical chain to my otherwise illogical heart.

And I get to think of my fears and apprehensions;

of my expectations and/or his.

of the options and considerations;

Maybe just something to burst this bubble and maybe, curb the emotions a bit.

But you know, I am not rushing.

We aren't rushing.

So there is no need to qualify things right away.

I have been alone for six years, four months and two days to waste all those days of contemplation with just another mistake.

But mistake or not, 

I will no longer deprive myself of feeling this happy.

And I will not stop myself from falling for someone who MAYBE can actually truly love me (like this) 

and who MAYBE i can actually truly love (like that)

So, I promise, to take it one day at a time.

One conversation at a time.

One happy moment at a time.

And allow myself to, not free fall, but maybe, if I am lucky, to fall in love. 

with someone who is truly a mountain at my back.

Thank you, God, for second chances in life.