Happy Birthday, Ma.

It was my mom's birthday yesterday. Coco and I woke up early to go to church and light a candle for her. It's been 18 years since she passed away but I've never really gotten used to the fact that she's really gone. I don't think you'd ever get over losing a mother. I don't really remember much of her, cuz she passed away when I was still young. But I could remember vividly the bits and pieces that I could.

Now that I am older, those bits and pieces fit the whole puzzle and a bigger picture was built. I got to know my mom based on what I originally perceived her to be. And I got to know her through the pictures me and Corie have. When we were little, I remember asking my dad stories about mom. It was our way of coping with her death. But I remember him shutting himself in his room for hours, and days. And I really couldn't remember anything he told us about her except that she was a good woman. Well, that was his own way of coping.

I still think about things being different if she were alive. Cuz I still miss her. And now that I have Coco, I want my daughter to learn more about her grandmother too. And her passing away always reminds me that we are all transits in this lifetime. We all get to pass once and we don't really know at what station we'd get off. So it's always better to make the most of anything. Every year, her birthday reminds me of the things we should be thankful for.

With the short time I spent with her, she has taught me everything a mother should know and taught me everything a woman should be. Like what D said, I want to be the kind of woman I want my daughter to be.

I miss you mom, I know you're happy now. You'd be happy to know that me and Corie have grown to be better persons. Know that you will always be loved and that you are missed every single day.