Remembering why it's half full when we're feeling half empty

I hate waking up in the middle of the night. Precisely why I hate the 6-11 black out shifts with a passion.The feeling of waking up into darkness, or even, waking up to see the lights back on and having to get up to put out the candles and stow away emergency lights are not routines I would like to get used to.

And I will never get used to this feeling sitting on my chest. It feels empty but heavy. Like waking up after an afternoon nap and discovering that sunset is almost over. And nightfall is a few seconds away. The mere timeframe. the mere picture of sunset upon waking up. The mere sad colors splashing all over the sky. THAT makes me feel this. And I know this feeling is anything but happy.

I am sad. sigh.

But over the years of feeling this kind of emotion, I have mastered the art of getting over it. Well, actually, more like the art of shoving it aside. And tonight, as I lay here fully awake and thinking of whipping icing on the Ariel cake, and worrying some endless worries, I try so hard to practice the art of shoving it aside.
And finding it a bit difficult than usual.

And as I encounter a single mommie's reality blog, and reading some of her worries/thoughts/frustrations makes me feel, well more sad. But I feel like despite everything lacking in my life, I feel blessed. And I feel for S.M. cuz I KNOW how and what she's feeling... And knowing how empty and how abyss like frustration must weigh on her little heart makes me feel sad for her, with her too. But I also feel fortunate as I realize the many things I should be thankful for.

So tonight, instead of ranting and nurturing this useless case of blues I will list down some of the beautiful things of today. And in my everyday existence:

*I've perfected the carrot and butter cuppycakes.
*I've managed to eat zero pork today, which means I am well on my way to realizing my losing weight.
*I've failed utterly in creating a sumptuous squash cake, but made an amazing squash and carrots soup for dinner. :)
*I've discovered that it is good to spend a few hours of lounging on bean bags with my little one, reading stories and sharing stories.
*I spoke with my little sister and had another reality check conversation.
*I realized that my lil one and me are fortunate to still afford ballet class, purchase cake supplies, grab a pizza and ride horses just for the heck of it.
*My lil one's nanny is heaven sent. And despite of my constant worrying that she might decide to leave when school starts (She wants to go back to school) I am still trying desperately to figure a way of accommodating her dream of joining Sunday School program to finsih high school. Gosh, could I afford sending her to schoooool???
*I still have my writing job despite days of slack and writer's block.
*Thank God for one Day at a Time mantra.

And when I have these nights that I feel that the glass is half empty, I always remind myself that half empty is half full. And shifting my perception and remembering what has gotten me this far always works in making me feel better. hopeful. optimistic. THANKFUL.

Yeah, with all the s*** i've been through, being thankful every single day will always make things easier to take. Making life easier at one day at a time.

What are you thankful for?