Where the heart is..

I don't trust my heart, it flips and flops and do somersaults in moments we least expect. AND we are always left to wonder WHY or HOW. and just speechless, just staring into space and do or think of nothing.

So, maybe tomorrow, when this has floated away, I would get to gather my thoughts and jar the emotions and store them in a safe place. ack.

Flying back to CD-oh, with a million memories from years back and snapshots along the way, my short Manila trip was packed with a bundle of happYness. A few good laughter, Harry Potter 7 (my first movie in years!), endless chatter and a bag of GOOD news: I felt like things are really falling into the rightful place.

My days were peppered with my snaps, my heart has never really left Los Banos. And has never really left Makati or Alabang too. But has found home in the arms of little one, right here in small town CD-oh.

Thus, I feel how loved I have been. AND Now, I know how loved I am :D

Me and J grabbed some goooood food from our fave place Chimara, munched on tofu chips and cheese popcorn, downed less sugar less everything green tea... then
discovered an english nook in the middle of Alabang, with stacks of great cheese and soy-free concoctions. Spent more time with good friends before heading back to the place I will always also call home.











Coming home to elbi was beyond any words that I could muster. It was surreal too. Too bad I got there at nightfall and raining, I couldn't get great pictures and was tooooo tired and too short of time to fully appreciate coming back.

I was surprised by how SLEX was weirdly un-congested, and even more surprised to see that the tollway took on a modern facade- as if boasting the years I have blatantly ignored coming back the SLEX way.

And I did feel my heart jump when I saw V arcade, with the strange presence of a ministop and a string of ATMs..







But as far as good friends and drinks are concerned, it was still the elbi that I knew. Oh, just a bit crappy that my isismates were nowhere to be found (on such a short notice and tight sched, it was IMpossible to get all of us in the crazy place), I wished I could have frozen time for a moment longer.







AND I went home to my old room, and found my old stuff in the exact places where they were. And unearthed my treasured treasures, and browsed through my heart kept inside a cardboard box.









I know, the whole everything occupies a chunk of my heart. AnD if I could go back to freshman year, I think I'd still pick everything just as I did before. BUT, I have also been thinking, If my friend M is right, if I had chosen differently, things might have been different too. Like, some sort of domino effect.

If you can only teach your heart, then I guess a bucketful of tears could have been avoided. OR well, maybe, added. Really hard to say if one thing would make a difference. or if nothing would ever change.

Sometimes, the choices that we make, in that split instance, the Angels above guide us. Like the soft voice within the never really leaves. or shuts up.

YES. I am happy with the way things turned out. Especially when I found this little girl waiting for me when I came back home:



Who gave me the tightest hug and the most wonderful feeling of being loved and the most beautiful role in the world: being a mommy :D

Remember the old days, looking forward to the future, oh, what a beautiful beautiful feeling indeed. With my lil bear, I think, wow, what beautiful years they have been and what amazing next years to come!!

Investing Time

I'm watching my daughter play pretend and do role playing with her friend, C. And I could not help but marvel at how absolutely beautiful my lil one is. She's such a sweet person! A loving, funny, thoughtful daughter who never fails to make the people around her feel important. She always makes it a point to give me a hug and a warm embrace or two, for no particular reason. And I feel like I am the most blessed person on earth.

Just before breakfast, we called up my lil sister, Tita C, to just talk about anything. At this early, we start cooking lil one's birthday party. So we began talking about party favors and Coco's preferences. We always have these "conference calls", to just talk about mundane little things.

Yes, I am a firm believer in a little bit of effort goes a long way. And investing time on people that matters to you is investing in solid relationships.

My friend T, who recently broke up with her beau, found herself being called demanding for wanting to spend some Q time in between work days. In my opinion, the man didn't deserve to be even loved by her. Such a waste of precious emotion and precious time!

You know, EXBF M, if you aren't willing to invest a bit of time on my friend T, then you are not worthy of being invested some bit of emotion. Whattajackass!!

But you know, he may have his reasons. For whatever they may be, I still don't wanna hear the stupidity of all of it. LOL He should try searching responsibility and breeding in the dictionary, and while at it, maybe try to absorb the meaning too.

On the lighter note, here are a few Coco one liners that made me feel really good: laugh when:

* Coco demanded that i GOOGLED her favorite lullaby, and that it's in YouTube and that I should "Search it Bahhh"
* She said at night she becomes the little mermaid, with long flowing hair. And that I transform to being Cinderalla. (Wowwwww- I wonder if my pumpkin of a prince will show up at the ball)
* She made puking sounds when I told her we have fish paksiw (in native vinegar) for breakfast.. And i quickly stifled a laugh knowing that she got this aversion towards the smell and taste of vinegar from me. LOL
* Last night, she off handedly called me "Super Mommie"
* Lola Grandma gave her two slices of papaya yesterday, and she left one in the ref cuz she saved it for me.. (aww) Coco: para maka poops ka ma. LOL
* She laughed before closing her eyes. AND I asked, what's so funny? Coco said: Tawa nalang ko Ma, kai sige lang ka trabaho. (WOOOOOHH)

And my most favorite realization for today came from Coco:

THAT we should spend some bit of our time with the people who matter most to us. Otherwise, the relationship is not as important as we would like to claim.

Friends make the World complete.

I came home from Lot's birthday dinner-slash-drinks. And i feel totally at peace. A bottle of vodka and two more mudshakes left us on a good laugh trip and some sober conversations. It was a good night with my girls. When I'm feeling empty, too sad, too whatever, these girls always come around. For one reason or another, being with Lot, Yen and Cookums always feels like home.

No matter the days or years, short distance or oceans apart, it never changes. it's always good to come home to a really good set of friends.No crazy conversations required. Just being there. sitting across each other, exchanging old tales and new dreams, I felt so much better. I feel sooo much better.

Thank you God, for giving me these people, whom I hold dear. For the times they've kept me sane, talked me through crazy situations, or for simply sharing dreams together. My life is better because of them.

And I wish for more nights like these. AND tomorrow, is another good one. Au revoir Lot, your send off will undoubtedly be the best.

Hundred Guba. and More! Tonight, I'll sleep a good night sleep, with my Coco tucked under the covers and some good writing, shut eye isn't too far away tonight. Good morning sunshine, good night Mr. Moon.

Tomorrow will be a beautiful day.