Racing to WIN

I ran my first kilometer in months!

and as i feel the wind, my foot on solid ground, i felt my lungs burn, my muscles move and my mind race. and i've never felt so alive. never felt this good too.

Been so long since I ran, I forgot how much I love it.

Lil one went with me and watched me as I go lap after lap and cheered me on like a pro squad: "go for the gold, ma" she screamed and screamed lolz the little rascal always, always supported me in my every endeavor. :)

And we walked the cool down laps together, baby steps, hand in hand and we talked about how beautiful it is to be just outside. She told me about the stars she saw during Science Day and described in detail how they twinkle and create pictures in the sky.



I told her about constellations and the planets far away and she too started her story about fungus in barbieland.. and how it's just a figment of MY imagination-- made me realize how much she has grown!

My baby isn't a baby anymore!! Well, she will always my baby... the same little bundle I cradle at night. BUT she's just growing and growing everyday.

I have NORMAL conversations with her. She voices out her opinion. rarely throws fits for no reason anymore. has learned to draw stick people (with my fave: Mom and Coco with curly hair hihi). She doesn't wear her diapers anymore, refuses to eat pork cuz she says it's not healthy...

Tonight, she told me she doesn't wanna use duckie anymore. Cuz she could sit on the toilet seat without falling into it. AND it just hit me!

You see, the world really doesn't stop, and this lil baby I have is my only reason why things are moving forward.

I am lucky to have such a wonderful daughter. I am lucky to be a mother. And I don't wanna waste any moment of this beautiful luck, because my very existence is defined by being a mother to Coco.

It is because of this luck, I want to continuously improve myself and the life that me and my daughter have. I know it's a bit too early for resolutions but I have made my headstart for 2011 just cause I want to start it better.

This year, I've had a million surprises. A handful opportunities and an infinite number of blessings.

As I want the luck to go on until next, I am taking my faith and hope in my palm and hold my heart for my God to keep.



And I told myself, this crazy ass positive change that I want to happen is really trying. But by just remembering that it is for this lil hand that clasps mine, I have to TOUGH it out.

Did you know that the best things in life happen after you stumble? And that the best aren't always what we have planned out but have accidentally discovered?

Well... tonight, I don't feel so alone anymore. AND I feel like I understand why things happened. All i KNOW is that yes, I am happy. I am not just trying to be a good mother.

I am DOING the little steps. For the little hand that clutches mine, I have all my reason to tough it out. Yes, go for gold.

I heart Coco

I have always lived organizing events for everyone. I loved throwing small parties, organizing a dinner, plays, competitions, a bake sale, a kid's party....... ack. my eyes sting from lack of sleep (6 hours of sleep is already LACK of sleep for me).

Lil One turns three today and I have stayed up most of the night going over the minute details of her school party. I know, it's not grand, but I want it to be perfect. I've run through the sequence of events and my checklist with everyone and repeatedly tell myself that everything is covered.

Then why the hell can't I sleep? I can't even write straight. I'm so excited, I want lil girl to come wake up already so we can start the day's events. lol

The other night, she wanted to play dress up- with which I happily indulged her. She even wanted to take the cam out, with her headband, shades and all. AND she was choreographing her poses herself and telling me how to to do it too. LOL and in the middle of everything, it just hit me. She's growing up too fast in front of my eyes! My lil one is no longer a baby.

AND I said: Don't grow up too fast, Co.

She didn't seem to hear me though, she was busy arranging and re-arranging her dress. Sometimes, you just wanna hang on to that kinda moment, wishing it's always gonna be like that forever. She'll always be a baby for me, I know.

Everyday, I live for those little hugs and the crazy laughter and fun that we share. Has it really been three years? TIME flies so fast! And as we welcome this new chapter, I'm crossing my fingers that it's gonna be filled with more of those kinda moments and a lot of happy times.

HUGS, I love you lil girl.

Much L O V E

By far, this has been the best birthday I've had. No words can aptly describe how truly happy, how truly blessed and how absolutely thankful I am for the beautiful people that surround me and lil one, for the love they give, for the unconditional friendship.... for everything.

From the bottom of my heart, thank you so much. It is very much appreciated.















My friends surprised me with a lovely bouquet and a good lunch and my good friend D created a clip for me too, with friendship captured in snapshots, moments frozen in 5x5s and a note from my only lil sis C. AND I cried. My heart was truly happy. truly thankful for these kinda friendships, these kinda relationships.

I guess, I really could be and am forever a loyal friend, a loving mother and sister and now, certainly a better person than I was 3 years ago.

Somewhere along the road, a few years past, I guess I must have done something right, to have these in my life now.

I don't need much, don't need the world. Just a handful precious and I am at peace.

What a bliss.

Cheers to a beatiful year ahead. :D

You and I are just the same.

The most wonderful things with calling in sick come in calling in for mommie duty. The other day when I skipped work, I nursed my sickie tummy for a bit and went back to mommie job asap.

I made breakfast and Me and little one had hot chocolate made from classic tablea ("sikwati") and suman (rice rolls?) for breakfast. We brought out the china for sikwati, and lingered for a bit longer, exchanging stories, taking pictures. I wanted my mornings to be like that... slow. beautiful. simply lovely.






And Christy came on over early and lil one was giddy beyond belief.



I took Coco to school too and had the chance to see her interact with the other kids.




To see her shine.



To see her play.



To take in what a beautiful person my little one is.



I spent a chunk of my time there talking with other guardians and talking with Coco's teacher- which I found out is also a solo parent. And I think, what a beautiful surprise!

When Coco was about to attend school, I had a hard time finding the right one for her. Some schools here are biased against children from broken families, single parents, or unwed mothers. I guess, maybe the closed Catholic culture finds it difficult to broaden the perspective. But I don't take it against them. It's just the way they are.

The process of checking one school after another was a tad difficult and hurting for me. Because primarily, I feel that my child should not be discriminated against just because she carries my last name or has a N/A for a father. It hurt me to know that there are some institutions that still remain ,well, different - for lack of better word.

Then I found this school not far from where we live that embraces a Christian education and has welcomed me and my child because we are the same as any whole family out there.

And Coco's teacher has testified that statistics show a number of students coming from homes run by solo parents. This comforts me because I know teacher I will be careful with her words, be mindful of her lessons and would not look at my child with pity in her eyes-like most narrow-minded people I encounter.

What makes my child different from other "normal" kids is the fact that she is loved truly, hundred percent, without the need to have multiple parent figures. Because my love, and my family's love for her (also my friends) is more than what other people from "whole" families get.

That's a fact of life. :)

And I am happy to see the kids in her school are happy Christians. They do not treat her differently. They do not see her as different. Because precisely, she is not.

And neither am I.

Of noise and cheers

A week back, I couldn't stop writing. The words just kept pouring in, like rain showers on a rainy season, it's just bound to come around. Suddenly, I find myself staring at the monitor wishing for a drop. Thinking nothing, doing nothing, writing nothing.

Writing anything but something I badly wanna write about.

Tonight, I had dinner with two of my best friends in the whole world. It's been ten short years since we sat at the back row on agri class trying to hatch chicks and sneaking out to buy tempura and lots of coke. The four of us- B,K,Y and me cannot be any different than night and day or black and white. We are four crazies in different suits. But for the life of me, I couldn't imagine a life without them. And I feel overwhelmed by how blessed I am to have friends who know me by heart.

They love me for who I am and we love each other like blood sisters. Remember the Sisterhood of the Travelling Pants? like that. Maybe even more. If you search a little more closely, you'll find a lot of shiny gems like BYK (and my sis C, cuz T,K), and my dearests A,J,M,R.. and the new ones I found along the way (D,B,R).

They were there when I struggled with my huge belly lost in the maze of M. Y did a week-end bed rest when my OB advised me to do so. They were there when I (or C) couldn't even begin to understand what being in the ICU means. K flew in from Amsterdam and C from Hongkong, straight into Med City when I couldn't cry anymore because I'm too scared. They were there when all I wanted to do was crawl in and die. They were there with a phone cradled on their shoulders frantically trying to spew words of advice oceans away.

They were there when I first held my little girl in my arms and thanked God for such a bundle of joy. They listened to me talk endlessly about lil one, loved her equally the same too. They gave her hugs and laughter and loved us like any family would welcome a new one.

They were there when my little one first learned to walk. first learned to talk. first learned to blow her birthday candle. first learned the meaning of love. first learned how to ride the bike. They were there in every single turn.

My first promotion. My crazy ass achievements. My twisted writing stints. my first attempt in baking and cooking.

My best friends - We bickered, we bitched, we could even scratch out each other's eyeballs sometimes but we were always the four peas in a pod, the four-leaf clover in a sea of grass. We still are plainly,simply us- like the same four lil girls in sailor uniforms struggling to balance physics, literature, pressure and dreams.

Single motherhood surely has the bad days- when tired, sad, lonely, overwhelmed has just been mashed up so you couldn't tell the difference. I have always believed that losing and winning is just the same - like the one from glee: the cheers and the boos are both the same, they're just noise. The only difference is the attitude on how we take them in.

Yeah, I have been in a long bumpy ride more than I have anticipated, and not every turn has been great. But strapped beside me is my little one, plus my four best friends, a loving sister, a string of beautiful heart-ed friends, my whole crazy beautiful family and my faith- and I know that however bumpy this road is gonna be, I'll get there.

One day at a time.

One turn at a time.

Long weekends, the single mommie way

I've been writing since sunrise, and i'm still writing, spewing words from God knows where. The much research and medical jargon from this week's topic make my head spin a bit, thus the much needed break.

Little one is upstairs, screaming at me to allow her to go to our neighbor's (christie's place), a few blocks away. And I tell her again and again, as my feeble attempt in saying NO, that we should just stay home, in our vintage duyan and bask at the day's beautiful sun. And she frowns and paces back and forth repeatedly. Until she gave up and turned her attention to lazy cats in the veranda.

Since when kids her age can go outside the gate and stay at a neighbor's place?? NEVER. Not in my lifetime! When I was little, the closest thing I got to LAAG is at my cousin T's place, which was about ten steps from where we live. We've always managed to play indoors, or within our gated walls. lol

It's long weekend since Saturday, another lazy day today plus tomorrow makes mom and lil girl happy. Little one was busy running around the living room, singing her heart out to some MYMP song. When lola Mommie came over for some chit chat, some dessert, and some crazy realizations and I fall in love with the idea of staying home with my little girl for stretches of time.

We're cooking the traditional misua for lunch, and some grilled fresh we bought this morning from the local market. Sometimes, I think about going full time with my writing- I could earn as much, and work from home! And throw the day job out the window. Just so I could have these weekend everyday moments with little one. BUT every time I seriously think about it, the dream of just being a writer stays at the losing end. How the hell can I afford a 20K toddler school if I let my day job go?

And so, before I go back to my real day job on Wednesday and start making account proposals and packages, i'm going to enjoy my beautiful long weekend with my little one and family. Writing article after article (so we can buy a new bike -Coco haha), cooking misua, whipping some fancy dessert, playing Barbie and tea with lil one researching and balancing checkbooks on the side should ought to take up most of my long weekend.

Don't you just love it? The chaos and the joys of single mothering. Love.

A very Filipino Wedding

Last night was J and G's very Filipino wedding. Contrary to the usual weddings i've attended, this one has negated any traditional misconception of a boring wedding: It was definitely anything but boring!!

The whole ceremony, dinner celebration and setting reflected the couple's personalities. The AVP by Teddy Salido and pre-engagement shoot by Mike Sia painted a traditional courtship and engagement, and it was a refreshing surprise and break from the usual pre-nups we witness.

It was cheezy, yes, but in a very Filipino way!

The celebration was heartwarming yet crazy funny too. It was formal, but the couple was so wacky, the parents and relatives were hip, it was even cool!

Of course, the couple was as radiant as the first sunshine,



the beautiful bride was simply beautiful



and the place was just right.

As it was Independence Day, the couple decided for a Filipiniana inspired wedding. Most of us dressed the part,












And played the part of the classic Filipina and Filipino. The wedding party went through the traditional cutting of the cake, kissing and letting go of the doves, first gala dance of the couple with gifts from guests



And for the first time in a really long time, I am proud to be Filipino.

With the rich culture that we have, vast natural resources and a community of happy, optimistic, and magnanimous people, we can all be proud that we are.

Thanks J and G, for making us part of your first celebration as a couple, and we wish you continued blessings, a hundred years of happiness, tradition, laughter and a true love aptly reflected by your AVP Harana.

And thank you for the very Filipino wedding, yours was indeed a wedding that the whole nation celebrated with.

Cheers!!


*pictures by DJVillamor (thanks D!!)

My Mother is A Princess in a Superhero Costume

I always get sentimental on Mother's Day. But this year, it's a bit different. My little one spent it with the whole family, with the usual family Sunday Lunch- we took out our pyrexes from the cupboards and filled the room with fresh flowers in transparent vases. Each mom (except for lola grandma who is the Queen Bee) zapped a few secret recipes that deserved the ahhhs and ooohhs and brilliant comments from everyone. :)

It was a lovely lunch on such a humid day.

Afterwards, me and my cuzn T went on a tagalog movie marathon, with all the corny lines, pinoy dances and crazy love plots, we were actually, anything but puking. I happen to actually like it (Ssssshhh!! I'd never admit this in public! LOL) and maybe planning to get more of the classic Sharon Cuneta dvds. LOL When my little one woke up from her afternoon nap, I took her to visit my mom's tomb. Brought flowers and scented tea lights and with my little one in tow, I said a few prayers of remembrance. And I told Coco some stories about mommie's mommie.

I spent my third mother's day going back to my roots and loving the complicated family I am blessed with. As a solo parent, i'm taking all the credit for raising such a beautiful child (nyahaha) but I also give this honor to my lil sister, C, who has been Coco's second mom. And to all my aunts, and of course, queen bee Lola who throw in some good and strong love in between.

I've read somewhere that a mother is the place where we will always run to in times of happiness, success, sadness or fear. Our mothers will always be the only person who will understand and whose love will always endure. I will always be the Home Coco will always come back to, with a grin, a laugh or even tears on her eyes.

I'm not sure if my Coco has any idea what today is, nor did I really feel the hype of the day much, BUT today is such a special day. I know I am happy today, to realize that my little one has always treated me special in all my ordinary days.

She always brings me yellow flowers when she finds and happens to pick one.
She gives me tight hugs every single chance she gets and especially on days I feel so overwhelmed and so alone. She knows how to say "I'm Sorry" and mean it. She knows her manners, helps in my cooking and baking and looks at me lovingly like i'm some kind of hero. She always assures me that I am the best mom in the world... Most importantly? She makes me feel that I am right in giving all my love to this one little person who makes me her whole life too.

I am a woman capable of loving whole heartedly, unconditionally.. I am a woman raised to become independent, strong willed and strong hearted. I am also a woman born and molded into becoming a mother of love. All these, thanks to my beautiful mother whose love transcended heaven and earth and has unceasingly watched over me and my sis, C. And of course, to the many pseudo moms who have endured on raising and straightening a lil brat as me hihi

Motherhood is never easy. But it certainly is the most rewarding.

Happy Mommie's Day, all. Love to all the mothers! Indeed, we are all SuperWomen. :)

Investing Time

I'm watching my daughter play pretend and do role playing with her friend, C. And I could not help but marvel at how absolutely beautiful my lil one is. She's such a sweet person! A loving, funny, thoughtful daughter who never fails to make the people around her feel important. She always makes it a point to give me a hug and a warm embrace or two, for no particular reason. And I feel like I am the most blessed person on earth.

Just before breakfast, we called up my lil sister, Tita C, to just talk about anything. At this early, we start cooking lil one's birthday party. So we began talking about party favors and Coco's preferences. We always have these "conference calls", to just talk about mundane little things.

Yes, I am a firm believer in a little bit of effort goes a long way. And investing time on people that matters to you is investing in solid relationships.

My friend T, who recently broke up with her beau, found herself being called demanding for wanting to spend some Q time in between work days. In my opinion, the man didn't deserve to be even loved by her. Such a waste of precious emotion and precious time!

You know, EXBF M, if you aren't willing to invest a bit of time on my friend T, then you are not worthy of being invested some bit of emotion. Whattajackass!!

But you know, he may have his reasons. For whatever they may be, I still don't wanna hear the stupidity of all of it. LOL He should try searching responsibility and breeding in the dictionary, and while at it, maybe try to absorb the meaning too.

On the lighter note, here are a few Coco one liners that made me feel really good: laugh when:

* Coco demanded that i GOOGLED her favorite lullaby, and that it's in YouTube and that I should "Search it Bahhh"
* She said at night she becomes the little mermaid, with long flowing hair. And that I transform to being Cinderalla. (Wowwwww- I wonder if my pumpkin of a prince will show up at the ball)
* She made puking sounds when I told her we have fish paksiw (in native vinegar) for breakfast.. And i quickly stifled a laugh knowing that she got this aversion towards the smell and taste of vinegar from me. LOL
* Last night, she off handedly called me "Super Mommie"
* Lola Grandma gave her two slices of papaya yesterday, and she left one in the ref cuz she saved it for me.. (aww) Coco: para maka poops ka ma. LOL
* She laughed before closing her eyes. AND I asked, what's so funny? Coco said: Tawa nalang ko Ma, kai sige lang ka trabaho. (WOOOOOHH)

And my most favorite realization for today came from Coco:

THAT we should spend some bit of our time with the people who matter most to us. Otherwise, the relationship is not as important as we would like to claim.

When we take out the IM in IMPOSSIBLE.

I think i’m in love with an idea. I’m in love with something I just discovered. Like some sort of epiphany, a split second realization that brings this smile on our faces. And it’s funny, cuz I spend some hours of my waking time thinking about it. And I feel like I completely understand it, and completely confused at the same time. LOL.

Not really. When I let my heart roam freely, it usually gets caught in a net of the unimaginable. And so, I always hold it closely, more often with chains and a lock. There isn’t anyone to blame, and there isn’t a lot to say about it either. It just does, I just do.
I don’t believe in fairytales anymore, and I have serious doubts on happy endings and white horses too. No, it’s not anyone’s fault that people build walls around their hearts and their lives. And it isn’t anyone’s fault that we constantly shrug off the idea of perfect relationships or even relationships in general. And maybe if cynicism has caught up with us, we would always wear a frown and a shrug every time the heart sign turns neon.

But can you ever imagine discovering the word MAYBE?

No, I don’t need a man. I am fine on my own. No, I don’t want a father for my daughter. She has a lot of father figures in her life. No, I don’t want your big shot stories, I’ve had enough of that. No, I don’t want to date around just so I could say I am dating. No, I don’t want you to set me up with anyone, I’ve had enough blind dates before my daughter was born.

Yes, I am serious!

But can you ever imagine me taking out the IM in impossible?

Chances are, we could. Afterall, our minds work in mysterious ways. And our hearts too.

And so, I find myself loving fairy tales again –(though not really believing them yet again). And being happy about giddiness and other people’s fantastic love stories. And I admire the little flowers that bloom on trees, the cute hearts posted on a boutique window. AND I feel like I know.

Sometimes, when we discover what a perfect relationship is like, whether we are in one or not, whether we are looking for it or not, whether we believed in it or not, we just know.

And that, that is the idea I am in love with—that a perfect fairytale always awaits each and every one of us.

Don’t ask me though, how long the wait is gonna be. I have absolutely no effin idea! LOL

Mondays in Summer

I got the print outs last Friday. And I could not choose which ones we wanted framed. Here are a few of the shots that are close to my heart. From the hundreds, more than half turned out to be personal favorites.











And, as we cap this long weekend, listen to hemp republic :) http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_tQdqSzoiys&feature=related for a much needed summer feel.

Enjoying my Monday with a lot of ♥

This thing we call L O V E

I woke up in the middle of the night to see photographer B's link.. and I knew I couldn't sleep back anymore. It's really, serious, the most beautiful i have seen... It is everything I want the pictures to be! Invokes a lot of feelings and it tells a lot of how we really are as a family.

And the part I love most? There's a shot of me and Coco that I am reminded of my mom.

Sigh. It was mom's death anniversary yesterday. And as I went about my usual tasks for the day, I keep think about how there's always a nagging feeling and wonder if I still have her by my side. I miss her. I still miss her every single day. And though I know she is happy in heaven, I also wish that her time here could have been a bit longer.

I wish she could have seen Coco. I wish she could have held her in her arms, hear Coco tell stories, her her laugh.. I wish she could see me being a mom too.

Sometimes, I think, my being a good mom stems from the fact that I had a good one. And that despite the short stint she had in this lifetime, it was all the time it took for her to make me and corie feel very loved.

As she has loved me, I will love my daughter as much also, and even more. I miss you ma, and I love you ever day of my life.

www.bonaserios.com

Coming Home to Elbi

I've been missing elbi lately. I miss the place. I miss the people there. I miss Dairyville and the winding little roads. I miss going to St. Therese and the 5.30 mass. I miss my old dorm and the isaw and kwek kwek at Raymundo.

I miss hanging out with M,Rf,Rl,G and more. I miss my baby PCE and the old, big tree in the center of humanities. I miss my PCE family more. I miss walking hary and chasing raindrops. I miss crazy ass mernel's cake. and I miss having my hair done by Cecil at Metrohair. I miss my aTe L and B, and maybe ate Alma too. I miss my roomie S more.. and the rest of the CNY gals. I miss KA where I realized I love carrot cakes. And everytime I baked, I remembered how I searched and practiced til I got the almost replica of that one.



I miss waking up to the sound of silence and a few barking dogs. I miss the daily dose of fresh milk from DTRI. I miss the cows with holes on their sides. I miss riding the pedicab. I miss jogging around campus and wondering why I never liked running in the Oval.



I miss my classes. picking up classcards during this time. I even miss working for Ms T and slaving away at the social sciences dept. I miss sitting at vega watching people go by. I miss the sizzling sisig more at Indio's (GAWD I REMEMBER!) and maybe Bugong more. and oh, papu's how can i ever forget.

I remember the yakisoba and peanut butter and jelly me and M love. The Buko Pie And the Cafe where we always order the same dish. I miss IRRI lib, and the real long walks going there.



Because I am going back to elbi this year that I suddenly miss it so. :D Finally, finally, a clearer picture and timeline of the trip. AND so, I am excited to see my friends over at Makati and meeting my elbi-now-based-somewhere friends in old ELBI- maybe remembering the crazy stuff we did. And eating at grove again soon. And just taking in the lovely lovely lovely elbi! AND introducing my Coco to the wonders of lovely, vast, green space.

And I'm thinking, would my lil one love the place as much I love it? We'll see ;p



**images found on web

Banana Pancakes mornings :D

Woke up real early to a cold, beautiful morning. It finally rained last night. The sound of raindrops on our rooftops was a welcome distraction. And with the AC on med, me and Coco snuggled under the covers and slept soundly.. My lil gurl is still in dreamland, with a bit of snoring and some singing in between (yes, she sings in her sleep!)

I crammed my almost last of this batch of articles before the sun comes up and I still feel like writing more. AND that surprised me. I guess, some days, we just get full of ideas and write continuously. Some just dry spells.

The beautiful weather always makes me smile. Something that will always make me feel better than yesterday. better than ever. I don't know where last week went, but I know our weekend was a blast. (thanks, B) and though I try to patiently wait for the stuff, I am just really excited I can't stop talking about it!

And so, I am on my third day of grinning and anticipating! whew.. I should really, really, really be patient!!

But because of all these going on, I realized that I live for:

* rain on dry, hot nights!
* a weekend at the farm with my lil one and the beautiful farm kids
* McDonald's drive through
* Crazy ass lasagna and some ginamos
* unlimited internet connection
* big events to look forward to (like mine and coco's pik, H's debut, J's wedding, D's engagement party, wedding, Coco's birthday, Lola's grand bday- she's turning 92 and yes, Christmas!)
* thirty-minute phone conversations with my lil sis
* beautiful old friends who inspire me, make me laugh and feel blessed
* amazing new ones who inspire me, make me laugh and feel blessed
* seeing my lil girl's face light up everytime I walk into a room
* snuggling in my usual egg of a chair, with a comforter, a cup of hot choco and my laptop for some writing on a beautiful, cold morning
* waiting for great stuff. I love it!

Oh, don't you feel that it's just gonna be a really beautiful week? Love love on Tuesday!

Beautiful Friday is made up of YOU

I can't believe it's already FRIDAY! YEEEEYY!

Today, I'm gonna be doing mommy stuff and taking time for some "ME time off". Today I'm gonna:

* Bake a layer of carrot cake and deliver at 12noon
* And possibly meet with A
* Make box for cake
* Go for some much needed waxing and nail spa!
* Pick up Coco's new shoes and outfit
* Pick up my paycheck:)
* Write two articles
* Pack for tomorrow's shoot
* Confirm appointment with the make up artist/hairdresser
* Bring Coco for some gelato and horse ride!

And at this hour, I have already:

* Had a long chat with my sister,Corie about everything and anything!
* Chose and prepared lola's outfits and Coco's dresses
* Had crazy breakfast with my lil one
* Had new Zara (YEY!!!)
* learned that cuzn A and Tita O will buy me new cupcake sets and icing pipes. (DOUBLE YEEYYYY)
* chatted with a friend who always makes me laugh ;)

Happy, happpy Friday! Be back soon!!

In a bubble wrap. With glitters all aroun!

I never loved nobody fully
Always one foot on the ground
And by protecting my heart truly
I got lost in the sounds
I hear in my mind
All these voices
I hear in my mind all these words
I hear in my mind all this music

And it breaks my heart
And it breaks my heart
And it breaks my heart
It breaks my heart

**********

I read you and God I'm good at it I'm so spot on
Chord shapes in air go press that dissonance if you dare
And you breathing in finesse an innocent
From her partying

And I'm high enough from all the waiting
To ride a wave on your inhaling
And I'm high enough from all the waiting
To ride a wave on your inhaling
'Cause I love you no?
Can't help but love, you know...

***************

so let go, jump in
oh well, whatcha waiting for
it's alright
'cause there's beauty in the breakdown
so let go, just get in
oh, it's so amazing here
it's alright
'cause there's beauty in the breakdown

*****************
I am milk
I am red hot kitchen
And I am cool
Cool as the deep blue ocean

I am lost
So I am cruel
But I’d be love and sweetness
If I had you

I’m waiting
I’m waiting for you
I’m waiting
I’m waiting for you

*************

Waking up so early from sleeping sooo late and listening to frou frou and the rest of the playlist makes me feel okay. despite the lack of sleep. despite the thousands of things running through my head. despite the proposals that I need to finish. despite the fact that my little girl has shots due this week. despite the fact that the nanny wants to enroll in Sunday school. despite the fact that I may forego Coco's ballet classes. despite the fact that i badly want to go away to some far flung beach (and with no internet connection- OMG).

But I won't, I don't panic. It's the attempt to stay still when feeling so restless inside-- keeping quiet and listening to old, old, old music. Yesterday, I walked around with this dream I dreamt the other night. And continually heard Coco's resounding comment that we already prayed for money. I KNOW. I have faith. But I seriously doubted the heavens is gonna slap with a few thousand pesos to cover for anything that we need.

BUT the heavens did. Out of nowhere, unexpectedly, I get this kind of miracle. Not much, but enough. Surely enough to cover the shots, to cover the groceries, to cover the things I have been rolling my head over. AND It has always been like that. When I feel like I'm borderline panic that my moolah runnin short, something, a few actually really turns out. Have you ever had those moments that all you do is just exclaim: Thank You!!

It is a serious relief, from constantly working so hard, writing and baking endlessly and rolling and juggling the bills. Whoever said solo parenting is easy surely hasn't truly experience these late night worries.

Sometimes, I feel that God smiles down on us. and that we have a little fairy hiding in Coco's book shelves. But really, I have a little angel named Coco, who has been on the good side of God. :)

Yes, I think Coco is right then, we can pray even for money. Wonderful. Really wonderful.

Now back to working hard ;p

How can we argue with the Divine Plan?

The sermon yesterday was about being contented as success is not measured by worldly wealth. The priest went on to say that money is a source of security, a source of hope and the focus of everyone in town. We are always wishing for a bigger house, more cars, further vacation spots.. it never ends.

We must remember, he continued, that money can buy a house but not a home. It can buy medicine but not health. Books but not knowledge. Bed but not sleep.

What are we without God?

For someone like me who continually works for financial freedom, for a house we can call our own and for books for my little one to read, how will I know that it is already enough? I dream of bigger things for me and my little one. But I know that all my planning and hardwork is nothing if it isn't in God' plans.

Yes, I believe in the Divine Plan, with His Divine work and planning in motion. I realized this before, watched my laid out plans and dreams shattered like no more. And now, as I watch the broken pieces of that once a dream, I ask myself: Why do I no longer feel broken?

Because in the middle of my long winding road now, I found the beauty of sunrise, a family and true love in my daughter Coco, and simplicity in the life we lead.

Am I contented? Not really. Because I still dream. I still want more. I still work for more. But I know where I stand in this universe of ours. I am thankful that I have sleep, knowledge, health.. I am thankful that God agrees with my current plans.

For about three years, when I told myself I have to be strong because there is no other option, I discovered how strong I really am. When I found it difficult to face the future, I told myself to take it one day at a time.

And I have gotten far, haven't I?

Last night, when Coco and I had finished dinner, I turned on my laptop to start writing again. Coco came to me and said: "You're always working, Ma.."

I replied: "I know, Mommie needs to work so we will have money."

And she said:"But we've already prayed to Jesus for money."

How can we argue with that?

Life is like RHUM Raisin. And some traditional strawberry.

I love weekends.

When I hit Wednesday and mark the middle of the week, I find myself giddy with waiting for Friday to come. I live for the weekends where I can write, dream, bake, swim, paint.. (OH YES all with my lil one in tow!) and watch movies and endless string of CSI dvds (while Coco is busy taking naps!).

The past week:

I worked hard. And spent a night out with friends.



Last night, I have affirmed that Friends are like sporadic pools water in the middle of a desert. They're hard to come by, and when you find friends like these, you should know how lucky you are. :) I am a very lucky woman.

I watched my Coco swim and dream in her inflatable pool, grinning like crazy



I realized I am so blessed to have a lovely little girl. And that our simple life, filled with simple joys and laughter are enough.

I baked my first Birthday Cake and Cuppycakes order. Ariel and the little cupcakes.



And I realized that I will keep this dream of a cupcake house burning. As I feel little butterflies in my heart flutterin and waiting as I put on the hearts, the shells, the colors one by one. We'll never forget our first attempt :)

I wrote my first article in weeks.. "Introduction to Neuro Linguistic Programming" And I found myself travelling back to senior year, writing and reading dissertations and attempting to comprehend the thoughts and tenets of linguistic philosophy.

I received a good note.memo in my mail. And as I treated my work mates with some good home baking, I feel so lucky to have a wonderful work team (minus the B**** who salivates with envy), and thankful that so far, I think I have made a good decision.

Today is a beautiful Saturday. My little one and her bestfriend Christie are in our small makeshift pool, pretending to be mermaids. We're almost done with our painting obra, and because it's such a beautiful weekend, we're heading for Missy Bon Bon for some yummy ice cream treat.

Oh, don't you just love the beautiful life? ♥

What's a world without love?

I spent the Holy Week at the Farm, with my lil one. I brought my laptop with me without the intention of opening it. But for some reason, I kept lugging it around. Sometimes, when my heart tells me to shut off and disconnect, my brain unceasingly argues. For reasons like I MUST WORK and WORK. And as the close "internal" conflicts go, my heart almost always wins.

And so, the past week was spent chasing my lil one around and playing Mommie to three/four beautiful kiddos.

I taught Q how to bake cookies, substituting basic ingredients with what we can find in the cupboards.



And she made them perfectly like a pro.. :D



Picked flowers with my little one during church visits and planted some back at home.



Bathe in the sunshine on Easter Morning



And as I watched my kiddo dressed up as Snow White and ran around the house with so much dreams, love and happiness...



I figured that this second chance in life that I have is the best gift that my Lord gave me.

Over the few days I visited churches, and contemplated on the Word of God, on my life now and on our future and our dreams, I have learned that when JC died on the cross one day, He died to give the world a second chance.

Like He gave me mine. And in doing so, I have experienced Unconditional loving, relentless faith and unceasing Hope.

With this second shot, I believe the world is a better one for me and for my little one. It's not easy going down the road less travelled, with its bumps and turns. But knowing that each turn leads us to the right direction and eventually reaching posts of dreams, we just close our eyes and enjoy the warmth of the sun on our faces and the singing of the wind.

When you find your unconditional love and believe in second chances in life, life is but a heart on black outs. :D




LOVE. :)