Driven for Change

I've always had the gift of writing. But writing things before they happened was never part of it.

Although lately, my sense of intuition has been heightened-- no, developed, after a series of mishaps. And so, I find myself writing, saying, linking words together and finding out that hey! I make sense! And hey, I was right!!

I know that not all of the things that come out of my mouth are pretty words, and more often than not they have been brutal. And with this realization, I told myself that the world is not about me alone. AND I should start understanding that it doesn't hurt to be nice.

And so, I did what I could manage: if there's one thing that I have managed to control is the way these words come out. (Give credit for it!)

Lately, (like for the past year) I have been making conscious efforts to clip my tongue when I have nothing OK to say or comment. And I have learned to always keep my words chewable, even sugarcoated so as when the time comes that I need to swallow em, they aren't sooo bitter.

And I find it really amazing that it is paying off :)

Earlier this year, I vowed to myself to:

* never strike back unless the pain is intolerable (and I have increased my pain tolerance level)
* swallow every hurtful word that comes my way even when I know I am right. The world is round, what goes around comes around.
* let things pass. I don't have to have the last word every time.
* lessons are learned, not shoved down one's throat. So if they don't understand, it's alright, they'll learn the hard way.
* it's not all the time that I need to have an opinion. I can keep them to myself.
* never lose sight of my principles and never doubt the kind of person that I am. I am way past HS and so I think the whiners and losers cannot dictate who I am now.

So if you would ever care to listen to what people like me would like to say, remember, that whatever advice that comes out from our mouths come from a thing called experience.

And from the fact that we have seen more of the world, its ugliest and darkest form, and once thought: Hey, Mom/Dad/Granma/Auntie- whoever, was right afterall.

Then maybe, take in a mantra that helps us better: Don't hurt people in anyway if you don't wanna find yourself hurting twice as much.

More like the golden rule huh. It's not so easy I know, but it gets better every single day.

Life is like RHUM Raisin. And some traditional strawberry.

I love weekends.

When I hit Wednesday and mark the middle of the week, I find myself giddy with waiting for Friday to come. I live for the weekends where I can write, dream, bake, swim, paint.. (OH YES all with my lil one in tow!) and watch movies and endless string of CSI dvds (while Coco is busy taking naps!).

The past week:

I worked hard. And spent a night out with friends.



Last night, I have affirmed that Friends are like sporadic pools water in the middle of a desert. They're hard to come by, and when you find friends like these, you should know how lucky you are. :) I am a very lucky woman.

I watched my Coco swim and dream in her inflatable pool, grinning like crazy



I realized I am so blessed to have a lovely little girl. And that our simple life, filled with simple joys and laughter are enough.

I baked my first Birthday Cake and Cuppycakes order. Ariel and the little cupcakes.



And I realized that I will keep this dream of a cupcake house burning. As I feel little butterflies in my heart flutterin and waiting as I put on the hearts, the shells, the colors one by one. We'll never forget our first attempt :)

I wrote my first article in weeks.. "Introduction to Neuro Linguistic Programming" And I found myself travelling back to senior year, writing and reading dissertations and attempting to comprehend the thoughts and tenets of linguistic philosophy.

I received a good note.memo in my mail. And as I treated my work mates with some good home baking, I feel so lucky to have a wonderful work team (minus the B**** who salivates with envy), and thankful that so far, I think I have made a good decision.

Today is a beautiful Saturday. My little one and her bestfriend Christie are in our small makeshift pool, pretending to be mermaids. We're almost done with our painting obra, and because it's such a beautiful weekend, we're heading for Missy Bon Bon for some yummy ice cream treat.

Oh, don't you just love the beautiful life? ♥

I'm Back,

Finally able to write again. For the past weeks, my mind has been in a hiatus. I couldn't, wouldn't write about my articles. But I kept on reading on the matter and alternating with FB. I've got to close that account, it sucks most of my time.

But when your mind wanders and refuses to sit down and tackle articles, I know my heart must be flying with my thoughts. Daydreaming? I doubt if there's a solo parent anywhere who has time to. lol.

My week started real wrong. Woke up wrong side of the bed, saw the wrong face in the morning, made wrong proposals at work.... But during the course of the days, my world started taking shape. And today being Friday, I will end my work week right.

We have so much to be thankful for. right? And so many reasons to keep a smile on our faces.

Be back soon. :)

Worries vs Happy Thoughts.

Why does my two year old kid act like a brat sometimes? Why do I keep on repeating things for people to understand? Why is our world full of skeptics, pessimists and angry people? Will I ever get rid of the habit of worrying? Where would we be five years from now? Will I be able to send Coco to a good school? Would I be able to meet my boss’ deadline? Will I continue writing until my fingers have grown numb from arthritis and old age? Would painting my toenails red be better than painting them bottle green? Until when are we going to suffer from these daily black outs? When will we realize that loving is never measured, for it is meant to be unconditional? What if I can’t raise the money? What if I don’t get into the training by next week? What if? What if? What if?

On a usual weekend, my mind continually goes on about the many worries my little heart holds. And instead of actually worrying them, I’m writing them down. My mind never stops working, and I’m thankful for that. For where would I be if I would stop thinking for even just a second? Ugh.

And so, after writing my worries down, I resolve to think only about happy thoughts. About things I look forward to this year, of the plans I draw for me and my little girl and for the little things that bring joy to my everyday existence. And so, here goes my happy thoughts for the week and the weeks therafter.

Coco snoring.
Red toenails.
Sunday Lunch with my family.
My sister gathering the courage to push through with her panel interview.
Writing endlessly about a number of keywords.
Hot chocolate.
Pineapples.
Adobo spareribs.
AC working.
Puppies.
Cakes.
Coco Shopping for toys and clothes.
New juicer and that beautiful Bulova watch.
Swimming.
Coco’s third birthday with Dora, Barney and the Disney Princesses.
A possible raise.
Gift Certificates.
Educational Plans.
Canada.
Ocean Park.
Christmas.
July, August and September.. wheee!
D’s bridal shower, wedding and more.
Writing projects.
Articles, articles, articles.
Blogging.
Making picture frames and postcards.
Baking cupcakes, tarts and more pineapple squares.
Balloons.
Flowers in full bloom.
Praying sincerely and whole-heartedly
Love. Love. Love.
That made me feel so much better. Anticipating the best and praying for God to help us with the rest is the best way over worrying much. And so, for this month of March, I resolve to lessen the worrying and increase the praying.

Keep the faith, everyone. Life is wonderful when we place it in our Father’s hands.

Coming Home

I woke up early today: much earlier than I wanted. It would have been nicer to stay in bed until breakfast, and give these joints a much needed rest. But I guess, writing never seems to leave my system. And writing stories and articles in the middle of the night has always been my habit. Always been the best time to pound words away. And i would bet, that this will have to stay.

I never really dreamed of becoming a writer, but as I grew older, I figured that I really wanna be a writer. the real one, with the published books and all. Where my work could get better and people would get to read what I think. And believe in what I believe in. But until the day that I find what it is that I am searching for, as long as I haven't really found what it is that I am searching within, the book will never be finished. nor even begun. The words are there, all above me, with a few within my reach but the whole picture hasn't been painted yet.

Thus, everyday, i dream of the house by the lake, where I could one day write my very moving book. I dream of the little boat and the red swing and the humming of the trees. I dream of the quiet life, with a dash of contentment and a sporadic dose of adventure and fun. I am like this, I crave for change but I always retreat to the solitude of home.

Do you know that I finally found home in this little city of mine? I finally found peace with my decision to come back here, because now, I get to wake up and not wish to go back to the big city. I guess, I am a farm girl by heart. and a small town girl forever. I yearned to be in the big city, where the cars, the pollution, the fashion, and the high life are. But after all has been done, after all the shopping, I decide that I always find home in my bukid..

Two years ago, I did not think this possible. But today, I know, with all honesty and with all sincerity, it really is. With my little girl by my side, baking cookies and cakes, chasing cats and chickens on weekends. Peppering my days with writing, Barney, banking and some more. I figured, the good life is here.

Yes, it is. So Come home.