Solo Parents Rights

I've been a solo parent for about 3 years now. And though motherhood is rewarding, everyday has not exactly been a bed of roses.

The first time I came home, with this little baby in my arms, unsure of what the future holds for the both of us, I remember standing in the airport, waiting for a ride home and keeping the dam of tears in.

I held on to that facade until being strong was the only thing I know doing. I juggled jobs, motherhood, and writing in 24 hours. It wasn't easy before. And it isn't easy now. But being strong inside has become a part of my living that being the other way isn't really an option anymore.

The difficult times always come when little one gets sick and either I have just enough to buy medicine or just enough to pay the bills. And there's always the chance the boss won't allow you to take a leave. And of course, coming home to a conservative town doesn't always make it easy for solo parents like me to blend in.

And though I am still in some kind of a limbo, as my civil status has remained stuck somewhere in the grey areas, I am for a fact a solo parent.

The law protects the rights of solo parents and our legislators acknowledge our existence and the rights we have to better future, more opportunities and a loud voice in our society.

RA 8972 or the Solo Parents Act of the Philippines is a comprehensive act that provides benefits and privileges to solo parents and their children. It was signed into law in November 2000 and its implementing rules was approved in April 2002.

As defined by the Act:

A solo parent is any individual...among others, "Any other person who solely provides parental care and support to a child or children"

It provides us with:

* Solo parents can avail of the 7-day parental leave that is mandated by law. It is above the special day and mandatory leaves. Esp when parents need to attend to a child's needs.
* Flexible work schedule

A bill is being passed that enable solo parents to avail of discounts on child's clothing, medicine, milk and diapers. Though it has not been signed and put into effect just yet, this bill would surely help a lot of solo parents when it will be.

Solo parents are encouraged to obtain the Solo Parents ID from DSWD the soonest possible. The requirements would include Barangay Certificate of Residence, supporting documents (like annullment, ITR, etc), and if you are like me who's still in a kinda limbo, we can secure a certificate issued by the Barangay Captain indicating the circumstances of one's being a solo parent.

For more of this you can read on:

Apart from the assurance that the law is not sleeping on us, we know that no matter how minor solo parents can be in a staunchly conservative society, we still have a voice.

Now, don't you think being a chicsinglemommie rocks?! :D

Keep your head up, love. The world hasn't gone too heavy just yet and Atlas still hasn't shrugged!

You and I are just the same.

The most wonderful things with calling in sick come in calling in for mommie duty. The other day when I skipped work, I nursed my sickie tummy for a bit and went back to mommie job asap.

I made breakfast and Me and little one had hot chocolate made from classic tablea ("sikwati") and suman (rice rolls?) for breakfast. We brought out the china for sikwati, and lingered for a bit longer, exchanging stories, taking pictures. I wanted my mornings to be like that... slow. beautiful. simply lovely.






And Christy came on over early and lil one was giddy beyond belief.



I took Coco to school too and had the chance to see her interact with the other kids.




To see her shine.



To see her play.



To take in what a beautiful person my little one is.



I spent a chunk of my time there talking with other guardians and talking with Coco's teacher- which I found out is also a solo parent. And I think, what a beautiful surprise!

When Coco was about to attend school, I had a hard time finding the right one for her. Some schools here are biased against children from broken families, single parents, or unwed mothers. I guess, maybe the closed Catholic culture finds it difficult to broaden the perspective. But I don't take it against them. It's just the way they are.

The process of checking one school after another was a tad difficult and hurting for me. Because primarily, I feel that my child should not be discriminated against just because she carries my last name or has a N/A for a father. It hurt me to know that there are some institutions that still remain ,well, different - for lack of better word.

Then I found this school not far from where we live that embraces a Christian education and has welcomed me and my child because we are the same as any whole family out there.

And Coco's teacher has testified that statistics show a number of students coming from homes run by solo parents. This comforts me because I know teacher I will be careful with her words, be mindful of her lessons and would not look at my child with pity in her eyes-like most narrow-minded people I encounter.

What makes my child different from other "normal" kids is the fact that she is loved truly, hundred percent, without the need to have multiple parent figures. Because my love, and my family's love for her (also my friends) is more than what other people from "whole" families get.

That's a fact of life. :)

And I am happy to see the kids in her school are happy Christians. They do not treat her differently. They do not see her as different. Because precisely, she is not.

And neither am I.

Princess and the Star

Yesterday, Coco didn't want to go to school unless she wears her crown and princess dress. She's been sulking the whole first part of the morning, refusing to eat her cereals until I agree to her choice of wardrobe for the day.

I tried telling her about appropriate dressing.

And she said they don't have a uniform.

I tried telling her she's a princess but she needs to put on a disguise.

And she told me, is that lying?

I tried telling her her classmates won't wear crowns and frilly pink princess dresses to school.

And she said, Won't that be great then, I am different and gonna stand out?

AND I feel, I think, how the hell am I gonna argue with that???? And because, I was running late already, trying to put my own stockings and my make-up on while trying to reason with her, I got her the dress and zipped it on.

AND here she is, all cracked up. all smiles. all ready to go.









Then I thought, seeing her face light up and watching her dance around like a pixie, how can such a lil thing mean a world to this lil one? Well, seeing this one little moment means a world to me. sigh. :)

After school, she showed me her star. She said her teacher loved their artwork and gave them a red star each. They pasted orange patches on a huge carrot the teacher made. AND she told me that she told everyone, her mommie bakes a mean carrot cake, with little carrots on top. LOL



Then she whispered to me last night, I am obligated to bake carrot cupcakes for her teacher and classmates!

Coco told me that we are all princesses, and we should always remember to wear a crown every single day and I think she's right. We should always treat ourselves like princesses, deserving to walk with head held high. Of all the things Coco has taught me over the years, she has taught me the self-worth and pride I have lost a few years back.

I wonder, if I am a princess, where the hell is my prince? LOL.




Nonetheless, we single moms also deserve a big ass red star of excellent stamps for a job well done!!

Of noise and cheers

A week back, I couldn't stop writing. The words just kept pouring in, like rain showers on a rainy season, it's just bound to come around. Suddenly, I find myself staring at the monitor wishing for a drop. Thinking nothing, doing nothing, writing nothing.

Writing anything but something I badly wanna write about.

Tonight, I had dinner with two of my best friends in the whole world. It's been ten short years since we sat at the back row on agri class trying to hatch chicks and sneaking out to buy tempura and lots of coke. The four of us- B,K,Y and me cannot be any different than night and day or black and white. We are four crazies in different suits. But for the life of me, I couldn't imagine a life without them. And I feel overwhelmed by how blessed I am to have friends who know me by heart.

They love me for who I am and we love each other like blood sisters. Remember the Sisterhood of the Travelling Pants? like that. Maybe even more. If you search a little more closely, you'll find a lot of shiny gems like BYK (and my sis C, cuz T,K), and my dearests A,J,M,R.. and the new ones I found along the way (D,B,R).

They were there when I struggled with my huge belly lost in the maze of M. Y did a week-end bed rest when my OB advised me to do so. They were there when I (or C) couldn't even begin to understand what being in the ICU means. K flew in from Amsterdam and C from Hongkong, straight into Med City when I couldn't cry anymore because I'm too scared. They were there when all I wanted to do was crawl in and die. They were there with a phone cradled on their shoulders frantically trying to spew words of advice oceans away.

They were there when I first held my little girl in my arms and thanked God for such a bundle of joy. They listened to me talk endlessly about lil one, loved her equally the same too. They gave her hugs and laughter and loved us like any family would welcome a new one.

They were there when my little one first learned to walk. first learned to talk. first learned to blow her birthday candle. first learned the meaning of love. first learned how to ride the bike. They were there in every single turn.

My first promotion. My crazy ass achievements. My twisted writing stints. my first attempt in baking and cooking.

My best friends - We bickered, we bitched, we could even scratch out each other's eyeballs sometimes but we were always the four peas in a pod, the four-leaf clover in a sea of grass. We still are plainly,simply us- like the same four lil girls in sailor uniforms struggling to balance physics, literature, pressure and dreams.

Single motherhood surely has the bad days- when tired, sad, lonely, overwhelmed has just been mashed up so you couldn't tell the difference. I have always believed that losing and winning is just the same - like the one from glee: the cheers and the boos are both the same, they're just noise. The only difference is the attitude on how we take them in.

Yeah, I have been in a long bumpy ride more than I have anticipated, and not every turn has been great. But strapped beside me is my little one, plus my four best friends, a loving sister, a string of beautiful heart-ed friends, my whole crazy beautiful family and my faith- and I know that however bumpy this road is gonna be, I'll get there.

One day at a time.

One turn at a time.

Anything but THAT

The other night, I got home from a long day's work and found my little one burning with fever.

And I almost panicked and wondered aloud how can she still have 38 temp when she's already got medicine for her asthma, for her fever, for her cough... AND I found her sitter with grandma's sitter, watching soap after soap, forgetting she also needs Paracetamol besides the cold baths. Forgetting that the medicine sched, my numbers, the emergency phone pasted on the fridge is there for a reason. I keep calling every two hours for a reason: DON't give me the "SHE's OKAY" when my little girl isn't!

I almost went ballistic.

I was way over my head mad. But I didn't say a word. Because I cried. Out of frustration, out of tiredness, out of despair.. I'm not quite sure. I cried because I feel like I just couldn't take it in anymore.

30 Minutes after I gave Coco the fever meds, and a few ice trays and bowls of cold water later, her temperature went back to 36.8. And finally, my little girl was able to sleep.

Someone told me that I was mad at myself more than at the yaya. And that I should not pass on my responsibilities to the sitter because primarily, I should be the one at her bedside.

AND that STING. Still makes me cry to hear it reverberate in my head.

Because if I had not been out working, trying to stay financially afloat, providing for my little one's future, THEN I deserved to be told that. If I had been wasting a minute sitting somewhere and letting the yaya administer care alone, then I deserved to be slapped with the word irresponsible.

BUT I wasn't.

I was out 14 hours because I have a dayjob, a second marketing job and a crazy ass schedule of sprinting from the farm,to the bank, to the marketing stint and back home. AND in between those hours, I've taken my little girl to her pulmo, bought medicines, nebulized or in Coco's better days, getting her a new bike or taking her out to lunch. AND at night, I don't even sleep because I administer medicine and cold baths. Or writing because we have bills to pay and savings to keep!

She thinks my life is easy and laid-back. Just because I hired two sitters to ensure the safety of my little one does not mean I am not a hands-on mom. Just because I don't look pauper-ish doesn't mean I have no financial troubles. Just because I am always in control doesn't mean that things don't go spinning.

Just because I can afford to bark orders and have multiple jobs doesn't mean that I am less of a mother.

Because primarily, I am a mother. Above all else, I am Coco's mom. And I am also her dad. Have you ever tried being both? Tell me how easy it is.

Above all else, my little girl comes first. In everything I do, Coco comes first. One day, when Coco wakes up and asks who the hell I am and I wake up not knowing ever inch and every smell of my little girl, then maybe I can be called irresponsible.

BUT today, don't call me that. Because I may be a lot of things but I certainly am not that. Never that.

My Mother is A Princess in a Superhero Costume

I always get sentimental on Mother's Day. But this year, it's a bit different. My little one spent it with the whole family, with the usual family Sunday Lunch- we took out our pyrexes from the cupboards and filled the room with fresh flowers in transparent vases. Each mom (except for lola grandma who is the Queen Bee) zapped a few secret recipes that deserved the ahhhs and ooohhs and brilliant comments from everyone. :)

It was a lovely lunch on such a humid day.

Afterwards, me and my cuzn T went on a tagalog movie marathon, with all the corny lines, pinoy dances and crazy love plots, we were actually, anything but puking. I happen to actually like it (Ssssshhh!! I'd never admit this in public! LOL) and maybe planning to get more of the classic Sharon Cuneta dvds. LOL When my little one woke up from her afternoon nap, I took her to visit my mom's tomb. Brought flowers and scented tea lights and with my little one in tow, I said a few prayers of remembrance. And I told Coco some stories about mommie's mommie.

I spent my third mother's day going back to my roots and loving the complicated family I am blessed with. As a solo parent, i'm taking all the credit for raising such a beautiful child (nyahaha) but I also give this honor to my lil sister, C, who has been Coco's second mom. And to all my aunts, and of course, queen bee Lola who throw in some good and strong love in between.

I've read somewhere that a mother is the place where we will always run to in times of happiness, success, sadness or fear. Our mothers will always be the only person who will understand and whose love will always endure. I will always be the Home Coco will always come back to, with a grin, a laugh or even tears on her eyes.

I'm not sure if my Coco has any idea what today is, nor did I really feel the hype of the day much, BUT today is such a special day. I know I am happy today, to realize that my little one has always treated me special in all my ordinary days.

She always brings me yellow flowers when she finds and happens to pick one.
She gives me tight hugs every single chance she gets and especially on days I feel so overwhelmed and so alone. She knows how to say "I'm Sorry" and mean it. She knows her manners, helps in my cooking and baking and looks at me lovingly like i'm some kind of hero. She always assures me that I am the best mom in the world... Most importantly? She makes me feel that I am right in giving all my love to this one little person who makes me her whole life too.

I am a woman capable of loving whole heartedly, unconditionally.. I am a woman raised to become independent, strong willed and strong hearted. I am also a woman born and molded into becoming a mother of love. All these, thanks to my beautiful mother whose love transcended heaven and earth and has unceasingly watched over me and my sis, C. And of course, to the many pseudo moms who have endured on raising and straightening a lil brat as me hihi

Motherhood is never easy. But it certainly is the most rewarding.

Happy Mommie's Day, all. Love to all the mothers! Indeed, we are all SuperWomen. :)

Superheroes and Villains out to save mankind

My good friends, R and M, used to tell me to stop trying to save mankind. Because it simply does not work. And tonight, I am reminded of this important piece of advice as I sat on my way home and realized that the many relationships I have maintained stemmed from the same premise: I can change the world and I could save mankind.

Though I never really vocally or consciously adhere to this, I have seen the record. And I could not argue with the statistics. I am such a poor fan of being the hero.

I found a new friend today, T. She's also a single mother for the past x number of years. But her kids are all grown up now and she's almost there living the gypsy kinda life. And a few of the topics we have touched over dinner was finding the right answers to the numerous, never ending questions- which turned out to be more or less similar to those I hold close to my heart. And also, figuring out the unconscious preferences we have buried deep down.

And I, I have discovered that I should stop trying to save mankind. Because I can not. It's not possible. It just doesn't happen. And in truth, I would realize that most of the time, I am the best as a villain. LOL

That's the common denominator in all of them, and in every puddle I found myself stuck in. I am always the champion for the underdogs, sucker for the bad and the ultimate gubby. sigh. so?

But can we ever do paradigm shifts and alter what we have always been accustomed to doing? Can we ever be truly happy once we deviate to our usual, normal, predictable choice?

My greatest problem is that when I listen to my heart, I begin to think with my heart. Like, the whole of the red thing goes up to my head and fills up and occupies the space where my brain used to sit. My decisions, judgememnts, what have yous, are never really hundred percent logical. Almost always, they're laced with stars in the eyes and stupid grins and a hundred justifications/excuses for everything.

And so, could I ever stop from trying to save mankind? Or would I just continue the fight, and maybe one day, come full circle. And actually save mankind?

Frog Princes on Hearts Day. WOW!

The problem with being a single parent is that you don't really know to which group you should be sitting with. You are neither SINGLE. nor MARRIED. But you are alone. And you have a kid. Treating yourself to a round of tequila with good friends seems ideal to take away this and that, but you always end up changing sheets and baking pasta instead, on Friday-rainy nights. Either would actually prove to be comforting.

All these because February is just around the corner. I hate hearts day. Did you know that an average of three people a day, come up to me and ask what I would be doing on V day? AND no, they're not asking for dates! LOL. They're just curious on how I would be spending it. And it is precisely because of these that I come to hate cheeziness on the day. I tell them I spend hearts day with my little one. That's cheezy enough right? But they always ALWAYS always say: No,no, you should go out on a date. Like a dinner date with some guy...

And I feel like, where on earth could I find a guy?? It's a trick question you know, when they start asking me about Vday. It's like stating the obvious and acting really surprised, wide eyed gaping mouth kinda surprised.

Seriously, I am okay being single single mommie. It may be surprising but it's true. I still believe in the happily ever after part, just in case you're formulating and spelling out B I TT E R in your brain. I still believe in One day and picket fences and frog princes too. It just so happens that I don't have one right now. FROG Prince or otherwise.

And I think: Maybe I should just really post a sign on our gate that says: WANTED DATE ON VDAY. How does that sound? Maybe the questions will stop pouring in.

LOL.

Holiday Bum.

It's good to be back working late nights again. I kinda fried my brain sleeping day in and day out. Spent the day running around with Coco, picking up scattered toys, fixing foodies, running errands, baking cupcakes,nursing coco's fever and sleepinnnggg. And oh, don't forget holiday binge eating.

I've been a full time mom since the holidays started. Woke up early to fix breakfast and slept early after bedtime stories. Was on FB most of the day,Watched Barney, Dora and Barbie the whole day,pretended to be Santa and a mermaid with Coco and Christy in a span of an hour, barked: "stop it, get down, enough, no more, go to sleep" over and over for like the whole day, i totally feel exhausted.

Yet I am still awake, at this happy hour, and I am eternally grateful that my brain is a hundred percent un-sleepy. I need to work. My mind needs to write. And catch up on my articles. And then, I feel un-tired. More like, leaning on to "productive" :) The whole of December was a slow month for me, partly cuz of the festive atmosphere and partly cuz the bank job took a lot of my time. And now, I resolve to log in more hours into writing.

This is when I feel guilty for sleeping too much. Eating too much. and FB-ing too much. Sedentary for x number of days, and I swear I will totally fry. Tonight, I promise to work longer hours and write more articles. I promise to not eat too much or sleep too much. I resolve to do more in an hour... and the list goes on. I know. I needed that sleep. I could feel my body giving in to dreamland days after the last banking day of the week. But still. I KNOW.

Coco is sleeping beside me as I typed away the first few words of my first batch of articles. And I feel like a better mom if I play with her all day and work all night. Feels like I'm doing the right stuff. Seriously.

I mean, if the world has made me a single mom, I guess it's because I'll know no other way to live my life. When God decided to give me this challenge and responsibility, He whispered U Could DO IT. It amazes me, that this particular lifestyle was the top of my worry list on the onset of pregnancy. I was worried I could not work and be both mom and dad to Coco, and play at the same time. But right now, I feel like I am cut out for this. AND I can hear my little one snoring and sleepily telling me: Ure the best Ma. And so, I shall be.

If i had become a normal, plain housewife, with the picket fence, cupcakes and PTA meetings, would you think I'd play the role to the hilt? lol. i shudder to think.