Holiday Bum.

It's good to be back working late nights again. I kinda fried my brain sleeping day in and day out. Spent the day running around with Coco, picking up scattered toys, fixing foodies, running errands, baking cupcakes,nursing coco's fever and sleepinnnggg. And oh, don't forget holiday binge eating.

I've been a full time mom since the holidays started. Woke up early to fix breakfast and slept early after bedtime stories. Was on FB most of the day,Watched Barney, Dora and Barbie the whole day,pretended to be Santa and a mermaid with Coco and Christy in a span of an hour, barked: "stop it, get down, enough, no more, go to sleep" over and over for like the whole day, i totally feel exhausted.

Yet I am still awake, at this happy hour, and I am eternally grateful that my brain is a hundred percent un-sleepy. I need to work. My mind needs to write. And catch up on my articles. And then, I feel un-tired. More like, leaning on to "productive" :) The whole of December was a slow month for me, partly cuz of the festive atmosphere and partly cuz the bank job took a lot of my time. And now, I resolve to log in more hours into writing.

This is when I feel guilty for sleeping too much. Eating too much. and FB-ing too much. Sedentary for x number of days, and I swear I will totally fry. Tonight, I promise to work longer hours and write more articles. I promise to not eat too much or sleep too much. I resolve to do more in an hour... and the list goes on. I know. I needed that sleep. I could feel my body giving in to dreamland days after the last banking day of the week. But still. I KNOW.

Coco is sleeping beside me as I typed away the first few words of my first batch of articles. And I feel like a better mom if I play with her all day and work all night. Feels like I'm doing the right stuff. Seriously.

I mean, if the world has made me a single mom, I guess it's because I'll know no other way to live my life. When God decided to give me this challenge and responsibility, He whispered U Could DO IT. It amazes me, that this particular lifestyle was the top of my worry list on the onset of pregnancy. I was worried I could not work and be both mom and dad to Coco, and play at the same time. But right now, I feel like I am cut out for this. AND I can hear my little one snoring and sleepily telling me: Ure the best Ma. And so, I shall be.

If i had become a normal, plain housewife, with the picket fence, cupcakes and PTA meetings, would you think I'd play the role to the hilt? lol. i shudder to think.

Wake Me Up in 5 Hours.

This morning, I hopped into my cab, carrying my dance outfit, notebook and a lot of research material, with hair barely combed, flying another kiss to my little one and managing to say a small prayer of thanks to our God and I asked myself if all my mornings will be always be like this.

And I answered by ending my day just like the other nights.

I'm super tired. My eyes already sting and my joints ache like crazy. But i still couldn't sleep. Cuz I have like, a dozen articles, the first three chapters of a thesis, and tons of reports needed for the business planning due by Friday and weekend. I am really, absolutely tired. And almost in a panic. I don't really know how I could all finish them, all I know is just that I really have to. And I really badly want to.

Have you ever wished a day would consist more than 24 hours? and a week more than 7? Have you ever wondered if our bodies would constantly run on adrenaline and would only require rest for a maximum of two hours? Have you ever wondered what things you could do or places you could see then? Have you ever wondered if playing with your little girl a few hours a week, read her stories a few minutes each night, sing her lullabies a few moments every single day would ever be enough?

Have you ever thought about just sitting down with a cup of coffee, watching the sun rise and thinking about how lovely the morning is? I know I badly need to sleep. My bed feels empty for a really long time already. But I'm too worried I might over sleep and miss the deadline I set for myself. And I think i'm constantly hopping on from one thing to another I almost forget that I also need to stop for a moment and watch the lil green tea I planted has grown into a shrub. I need to seriously take a rest.

Coco has no more fever, and has already fallen asleep when I got home. BUT She woke up to greet me hello and I asked her how her day went. And she regaled me with stories and a yawn. My lil gurl is slowly growing before my very eyes. And with all the worrying that I do, and all the work that I try to finish, I ask myself, what if one day I'll be already bringing her to pre-school? Now I don't want the days to fly super fast anymore.

She said: Let's go to sleep na mom, and went on to say goodnight to her anak and dora. Before closing her eyes, and kissing me goodnight, she tells me in a matter of fact way, kantahi ko ma. And i did. Rock a bye Baby, lalala... I hope this will rock me to sleep as well.

Good night world. Wake me up in 5 hours please.