Happy = Boring

Okay, I get it. I am a bore when I am happy.

I couldn't even write STUFF when I am happy and you will be perpetually greeted by a smile on my face you're actually gonna ask if I'm Okay.

I even have to slap myself twice when in the middle of an article or a proposal and I find myself staring at space. just actually staring and SMILING. Crazy I know.

But I am. And as surprising and out of line as it sounds in my life, I think my heart has finally hit the enough bS button and has settled in nicely. I think this is gonna last until the year goes out and a new one comes in. I'm hoping the feeling stays :)

I think I like this feeling better than anything else. So I am thinking of keeping it, locking it and living with it day in and day out.

Not cuz I don't mind not writing much. Or not talking much. But cuz, i have discovered that smiling takes a lot less of an effort than a frown.

Ha!

Take it all in. Cuz the "niceness" that I have hanging around recently is not gonna expire until end of the month. I have a strong feeling it's gonna last way longer than end of the year too.

Yey! Happy thought :D

Superheroes and Villains out to save mankind

My good friends, R and M, used to tell me to stop trying to save mankind. Because it simply does not work. And tonight, I am reminded of this important piece of advice as I sat on my way home and realized that the many relationships I have maintained stemmed from the same premise: I can change the world and I could save mankind.

Though I never really vocally or consciously adhere to this, I have seen the record. And I could not argue with the statistics. I am such a poor fan of being the hero.

I found a new friend today, T. She's also a single mother for the past x number of years. But her kids are all grown up now and she's almost there living the gypsy kinda life. And a few of the topics we have touched over dinner was finding the right answers to the numerous, never ending questions- which turned out to be more or less similar to those I hold close to my heart. And also, figuring out the unconscious preferences we have buried deep down.

And I, I have discovered that I should stop trying to save mankind. Because I can not. It's not possible. It just doesn't happen. And in truth, I would realize that most of the time, I am the best as a villain. LOL

That's the common denominator in all of them, and in every puddle I found myself stuck in. I am always the champion for the underdogs, sucker for the bad and the ultimate gubby. sigh. so?

But can we ever do paradigm shifts and alter what we have always been accustomed to doing? Can we ever be truly happy once we deviate to our usual, normal, predictable choice?

My greatest problem is that when I listen to my heart, I begin to think with my heart. Like, the whole of the red thing goes up to my head and fills up and occupies the space where my brain used to sit. My decisions, judgememnts, what have yous, are never really hundred percent logical. Almost always, they're laced with stars in the eyes and stupid grins and a hundred justifications/excuses for everything.

And so, could I ever stop from trying to save mankind? Or would I just continue the fight, and maybe one day, come full circle. And actually save mankind?

Crazy Monday took my words

Crazy Monday is here. And I'm not so sure if i'm already prepared for it. This week is bound to be crazier than the last. And I seriously hope it's gonna start out better. My boss is flying in from Cebu today and he'd be staying for a week! And as we all know, the team would be in a frenzy, full of meetings and deadlines. sigh. Makes me wanna skip now and move on to the next.

This week, I will know for sure. Between now and Friday, I will learn what is in store for me. And as T as has said, If I find nothing is in there for me, I will give what is due and finally be able to decide to jump ship when the other sets a definite date.

It's presssssuuuure! I am excited. But I am also damn scared. Too scared that I actually have no more words to say.

Can you believe it?