I'm Back,

Finally able to write again. For the past weeks, my mind has been in a hiatus. I couldn't, wouldn't write about my articles. But I kept on reading on the matter and alternating with FB. I've got to close that account, it sucks most of my time.

But when your mind wanders and refuses to sit down and tackle articles, I know my heart must be flying with my thoughts. Daydreaming? I doubt if there's a solo parent anywhere who has time to. lol.

My week started real wrong. Woke up wrong side of the bed, saw the wrong face in the morning, made wrong proposals at work.... But during the course of the days, my world started taking shape. And today being Friday, I will end my work week right.

We have so much to be thankful for. right? And so many reasons to keep a smile on our faces.

Be back soon. :)

Remembering why it's half full when we're feeling half empty

I hate waking up in the middle of the night. Precisely why I hate the 6-11 black out shifts with a passion.The feeling of waking up into darkness, or even, waking up to see the lights back on and having to get up to put out the candles and stow away emergency lights are not routines I would like to get used to.

And I will never get used to this feeling sitting on my chest. It feels empty but heavy. Like waking up after an afternoon nap and discovering that sunset is almost over. And nightfall is a few seconds away. The mere timeframe. the mere picture of sunset upon waking up. The mere sad colors splashing all over the sky. THAT makes me feel this. And I know this feeling is anything but happy.

I am sad. sigh.

But over the years of feeling this kind of emotion, I have mastered the art of getting over it. Well, actually, more like the art of shoving it aside. And tonight, as I lay here fully awake and thinking of whipping icing on the Ariel cake, and worrying some endless worries, I try so hard to practice the art of shoving it aside.
And finding it a bit difficult than usual.

And as I encounter a single mommie's reality blog, and reading some of her worries/thoughts/frustrations makes me feel, well more sad. But I feel like despite everything lacking in my life, I feel blessed. And I feel for S.M. cuz I KNOW how and what she's feeling... And knowing how empty and how abyss like frustration must weigh on her little heart makes me feel sad for her, with her too. But I also feel fortunate as I realize the many things I should be thankful for.

So tonight, instead of ranting and nurturing this useless case of blues I will list down some of the beautiful things of today. And in my everyday existence:

*I've perfected the carrot and butter cuppycakes.
*I've managed to eat zero pork today, which means I am well on my way to realizing my losing weight.
*I've failed utterly in creating a sumptuous squash cake, but made an amazing squash and carrots soup for dinner. :)
*I've discovered that it is good to spend a few hours of lounging on bean bags with my little one, reading stories and sharing stories.
*I spoke with my little sister and had another reality check conversation.
*I realized that my lil one and me are fortunate to still afford ballet class, purchase cake supplies, grab a pizza and ride horses just for the heck of it.
*My lil one's nanny is heaven sent. And despite of my constant worrying that she might decide to leave when school starts (She wants to go back to school) I am still trying desperately to figure a way of accommodating her dream of joining Sunday School program to finsih high school. Gosh, could I afford sending her to schoooool???
*I still have my writing job despite days of slack and writer's block.
*Thank God for one Day at a Time mantra.

And when I have these nights that I feel that the glass is half empty, I always remind myself that half empty is half full. And shifting my perception and remembering what has gotten me this far always works in making me feel better. hopeful. optimistic. THANKFUL.

Yeah, with all the s*** i've been through, being thankful every single day will always make things easier to take. Making life easier at one day at a time.

What are you thankful for?

Everyday Should Be Friday

Everyday should be Friday. :)

I spent the day with my little one. We woke up early to read stories, had quick breakfast with lola grandma, made inflatable pools and transformed our garage into a beach, went to the mall to ride horsies, trains and bumblebees and shopped for summer shoes. AND baked chocolate fudge brownies... Sometimes, I wish it's weekend forever.

Are you loving your weekend yet? Whee! it's just starting! :D

Good Things Happen to those who Patiently Wait. :D

Last night was a bit better than my other black out nights. For the first time in many, I found myself not consciously waiting for the power to come back on.( I know, the power crisis in Mindanao has not yet been resolved. And until elections are rigged, this won't end.... sigh.) Me and lil one spent black out hours searching for good toys/props for the scenes-- in candle-lit, moonless evening.

And we took out her tea sets and grocery carts and we agreed on which bears to bring. OH I'm sure u get the idea now! :)
.
I told my little girl about photographer B's visit at the office earlier yesterday. And some ideas he has for the shoot, which he shared with me. AND YES! OMG! I am excited again! :) When I was at the farm last weekend, I found it impossible to hold a breakfast shoot, with all the flies this season, I am apprehensive, scared, whatever that summer flies will be included in the shooooot....

I know, it's supposed to be artsy and all. But I chose B to do our shoot cuz I love his funky and fun filled photos. Since I do not consider myself or my little ones celebrities, I feel a bit off to even propose a glamour shot. LOL. But I guess I'm just a sucker for life is beautiful, life is fun thingy. Which I think, what photoshoots are all about. To capture wacky moments, crazy times, happy faces..

And so my dear friends, on my quest for the best shoot outfits, dresses, scenes, make up and all.. I figured that I just couldn't get the farm girl out of me or my lil kiddos. Like, it's the best kind of scene that I want to be immortalized. But, for the life of me, Can u give me any ideas on how to glamorize it, even just a bit???

Today, I woke up with a smile on my face and my lil one in a real good morning mood. Weekend starts tomorrow! And we are ready for the little mermaid cupcakes! YES!

My first real life cake/cupcake order will be for lil Skye's 3rd birthday party on Sunday. (My lil one is invited to her swimming party too) And I feel that I could do this.

My affirmation for this week:

I AM CAPABLE. I CAN DO THIS.

Hurrah. What's your affirmation this week?

What's a world without love?

I spent the Holy Week at the Farm, with my lil one. I brought my laptop with me without the intention of opening it. But for some reason, I kept lugging it around. Sometimes, when my heart tells me to shut off and disconnect, my brain unceasingly argues. For reasons like I MUST WORK and WORK. And as the close "internal" conflicts go, my heart almost always wins.

And so, the past week was spent chasing my lil one around and playing Mommie to three/four beautiful kiddos.

I taught Q how to bake cookies, substituting basic ingredients with what we can find in the cupboards.



And she made them perfectly like a pro.. :D



Picked flowers with my little one during church visits and planted some back at home.



Bathe in the sunshine on Easter Morning



And as I watched my kiddo dressed up as Snow White and ran around the house with so much dreams, love and happiness...



I figured that this second chance in life that I have is the best gift that my Lord gave me.

Over the few days I visited churches, and contemplated on the Word of God, on my life now and on our future and our dreams, I have learned that when JC died on the cross one day, He died to give the world a second chance.

Like He gave me mine. And in doing so, I have experienced Unconditional loving, relentless faith and unceasing Hope.

With this second shot, I believe the world is a better one for me and for my little one. It's not easy going down the road less travelled, with its bumps and turns. But knowing that each turn leads us to the right direction and eventually reaching posts of dreams, we just close our eyes and enjoy the warmth of the sun on our faces and the singing of the wind.

When you find your unconditional love and believe in second chances in life, life is but a heart on black outs. :D




LOVE. :)

One More Chance

My friend D posted this on M's FB wall: the second chance we gave to the same undeserving person could have been the chance with your Mr. Right....

I'm the kind of person who always gives second chances. ALWAYS. And as well-meaning my intentions are, I seldom end up thinking I made a good decision and most often bawling like a kid. As I spent many nights pondering on chances, and thinking, maybe it's worth one more try, this wakes me up into a whole new perspective.

Why give second chances when we can always make firsts with someone better, someone more? Sigh.

If life. slash love. is this easy, One More Chance would have flopped.

But D, she could have not said it any better.

If We Ever Meet Again.. OWWW!