Painting everything White.

The funny thing about feeling sad is that i tend to create a lot of space. Because oftentimes,I think the feeling like this kind of lonely or sad is a product of an overcrowded space. an over crowded mind. and maybe a really over crowded heart.

And so, i decluttered my blogspot. I changed pictures, font colors, some writings. For a moment I stared at my new spot's appearance and agree that white has made it brighter. less constricted. more fluid. more happy?

If it was that easy to admit, I would be the first one to shout it out on the rooftops.

If things were created simple, everything else would fall into place.

If I can only, I will.

If I weren't too scared, it might be.

I wish for it, I pray for it. I know it is something I will always hold in my heart. Together with the white picket fences and the lazy weekend afternoons spent baking cupcakes and making lemonades. I KNOW. I WISH.

If, But. When. Why. Only. Then... I wish. Sigh.

But, well. It's just really. NEVER.

O U C H H H

Ow. I feel sad.... :( Wow, that really hurts.

This thing we call L O V E

I woke up in the middle of the night to see photographer B's link.. and I knew I couldn't sleep back anymore. It's really, serious, the most beautiful i have seen... It is everything I want the pictures to be! Invokes a lot of feelings and it tells a lot of how we really are as a family.

And the part I love most? There's a shot of me and Coco that I am reminded of my mom.

Sigh. It was mom's death anniversary yesterday. And as I went about my usual tasks for the day, I keep think about how there's always a nagging feeling and wonder if I still have her by my side. I miss her. I still miss her every single day. And though I know she is happy in heaven, I also wish that her time here could have been a bit longer.

I wish she could have seen Coco. I wish she could have held her in her arms, hear Coco tell stories, her her laugh.. I wish she could see me being a mom too.

Sometimes, I think, my being a good mom stems from the fact that I had a good one. And that despite the short stint she had in this lifetime, it was all the time it took for her to make me and corie feel very loved.

As she has loved me, I will love my daughter as much also, and even more. I miss you ma, and I love you ever day of my life.

www.bonaserios.com

Coming Home to Elbi

I've been missing elbi lately. I miss the place. I miss the people there. I miss Dairyville and the winding little roads. I miss going to St. Therese and the 5.30 mass. I miss my old dorm and the isaw and kwek kwek at Raymundo.

I miss hanging out with M,Rf,Rl,G and more. I miss my baby PCE and the old, big tree in the center of humanities. I miss my PCE family more. I miss walking hary and chasing raindrops. I miss crazy ass mernel's cake. and I miss having my hair done by Cecil at Metrohair. I miss my aTe L and B, and maybe ate Alma too. I miss my roomie S more.. and the rest of the CNY gals. I miss KA where I realized I love carrot cakes. And everytime I baked, I remembered how I searched and practiced til I got the almost replica of that one.



I miss waking up to the sound of silence and a few barking dogs. I miss the daily dose of fresh milk from DTRI. I miss the cows with holes on their sides. I miss riding the pedicab. I miss jogging around campus and wondering why I never liked running in the Oval.



I miss my classes. picking up classcards during this time. I even miss working for Ms T and slaving away at the social sciences dept. I miss sitting at vega watching people go by. I miss the sizzling sisig more at Indio's (GAWD I REMEMBER!) and maybe Bugong more. and oh, papu's how can i ever forget.

I remember the yakisoba and peanut butter and jelly me and M love. The Buko Pie And the Cafe where we always order the same dish. I miss IRRI lib, and the real long walks going there.



Because I am going back to elbi this year that I suddenly miss it so. :D Finally, finally, a clearer picture and timeline of the trip. AND so, I am excited to see my friends over at Makati and meeting my elbi-now-based-somewhere friends in old ELBI- maybe remembering the crazy stuff we did. And eating at grove again soon. And just taking in the lovely lovely lovely elbi! AND introducing my Coco to the wonders of lovely, vast, green space.

And I'm thinking, would my lil one love the place as much I love it? We'll see ;p



**images found on web

Banana Pancakes mornings :D

Woke up real early to a cold, beautiful morning. It finally rained last night. The sound of raindrops on our rooftops was a welcome distraction. And with the AC on med, me and Coco snuggled under the covers and slept soundly.. My lil gurl is still in dreamland, with a bit of snoring and some singing in between (yes, she sings in her sleep!)

I crammed my almost last of this batch of articles before the sun comes up and I still feel like writing more. AND that surprised me. I guess, some days, we just get full of ideas and write continuously. Some just dry spells.

The beautiful weather always makes me smile. Something that will always make me feel better than yesterday. better than ever. I don't know where last week went, but I know our weekend was a blast. (thanks, B) and though I try to patiently wait for the stuff, I am just really excited I can't stop talking about it!

And so, I am on my third day of grinning and anticipating! whew.. I should really, really, really be patient!!

But because of all these going on, I realized that I live for:

* rain on dry, hot nights!
* a weekend at the farm with my lil one and the beautiful farm kids
* McDonald's drive through
* Crazy ass lasagna and some ginamos
* unlimited internet connection
* big events to look forward to (like mine and coco's pik, H's debut, J's wedding, D's engagement party, wedding, Coco's birthday, Lola's grand bday- she's turning 92 and yes, Christmas!)
* thirty-minute phone conversations with my lil sis
* beautiful old friends who inspire me, make me laugh and feel blessed
* amazing new ones who inspire me, make me laugh and feel blessed
* seeing my lil girl's face light up everytime I walk into a room
* snuggling in my usual egg of a chair, with a comforter, a cup of hot choco and my laptop for some writing on a beautiful, cold morning
* waiting for great stuff. I love it!

Oh, don't you feel that it's just gonna be a really beautiful week? Love love on Tuesday!

Monday Blues

Mondays almost always get me down. I hate saying goodbye to the weekend. And just to beat the blues, my playlist rolled out corrinne may. And On the Side of Me will always make things better...

I remember when nobody cared but you.

We all have our down moments, and despite the darkness in everything, despite the fact that we feel alone. We will always find someone who will always be there for us. NO matter what.

Everyone needs a friend to hold.

And this song, it just sums up everythin. sigh.

Right now, I just feel like stayin in my lazyBoi watching Coco sleep late and thinking, I've got to be the luckiest girl on this side of the planet.

Back to writing. Got to cram another article before leaving for work. Happy Monday guys :D

Sneak Peek from photgrapher B

Gmorning Sunday!

Woke up with both my arms aching and my head swimming. Haven't really slept much despite the super tired feeling I had yesterday. Saturday was spent with photographer B, and the shoot did not go according to planned.

AND it was so much better than I have ever imagined!

The mom-Coco shoot rolled into a family photo op- with almost all of us soo ready for a wacky shot. imagine Tito E and Lola grandma posing for wacky. But oh they did! They loved him and the kids adored him..

Despite the heat and the utter dry summer feeling, i saw some really beautiful shots from his cam. The most unlikely locations actually were the best. Shoot was at the farm, with not much frills and sets. Just really fresh, fun and funky* LOL

Sneak peek from Bon Aserios, almost made me cry when I saw it. (I KNOW, drama right?) But well, it was moving.



Check out www.bonaserios.com for a dose of his fresh, fun, funky photos!

Beautiful Friday is made up of YOU

I can't believe it's already FRIDAY! YEEEEYY!

Today, I'm gonna be doing mommy stuff and taking time for some "ME time off". Today I'm gonna:

* Bake a layer of carrot cake and deliver at 12noon
* And possibly meet with A
* Make box for cake
* Go for some much needed waxing and nail spa!
* Pick up Coco's new shoes and outfit
* Pick up my paycheck:)
* Write two articles
* Pack for tomorrow's shoot
* Confirm appointment with the make up artist/hairdresser
* Bring Coco for some gelato and horse ride!

And at this hour, I have already:

* Had a long chat with my sister,Corie about everything and anything!
* Chose and prepared lola's outfits and Coco's dresses
* Had crazy breakfast with my lil one
* Had new Zara (YEY!!!)
* learned that cuzn A and Tita O will buy me new cupcake sets and icing pipes. (DOUBLE YEEYYYY)
* chatted with a friend who always makes me laugh ;)

Happy, happpy Friday! Be back soon!!

Dreams of Leprechaun and Boa Constrictors

I came across this line this morning: the reason for time is so that everything doesn't happen all at once.

And I think to myself, how lovely.

Imagine if everything just comes in a single moment, fear, happiness, rejection, elation, challenges after another, hope? where will we place our hearts? I had a crazy dream last night filled with crazy situations all mixed together. Emotions mingling, overlapping, just plain confusing.

I dreamt of a little boy who was infected with rabies and he was crying and whining, and his nanny (who is a nun) just kept on rocking him and assuring him things will be fine. And as I walk down that hallway, I remember thinking how sorry I am for the kid. And it breaks my heart. And I went on to think about how the hell am I gonna take the fear, the worry, the sadness, the hope all in if that happened to my lil girl. And so I pushed the thought and the image away... Yeah, I could do that even in my dream-induced sleep.

And I dreamt of one-who-must-be-forgotten, mixed with numerous faceless people, a boa constrictor, me in a yellow sundress and aqua gladiators, walking in busy busy street looking for that perfect location for a shoot. And even in my dream, I started rationalizing everything. like reading in between dream symbols and slowly TRYING to interpret. weird. soooo weird. wth.

And I woke up with a sudden thump that the sun is way up high and I overslept, yet again. Upon seeing the above line, I grinned cuz there is no way in hell I am gonna survive in a world that all things happen all at once. Like, ALL AT ONCE.

My friend T is meeting up with A tomorrow. Since I'd be on leave, I told T I won't be able to tag along. But now, I feel like going. What is it that I am seriously looking for? Answers? Assurance? I don't seriously know. Just that this A, A just fills up the small window marked void in my little heart.

And I don't even have a single effin clue if it is remotely true. Truth! gawd.

I gotta admit, this is hilarious.

WTF.

I just can't stop going online. wtf. WTF. time consuming. heart consuming. energy consuming everything! I seriously should stop fb. I should seriously take by heart the word ignore. wth.

And you know what's absolutely worse? Though I acknowledge this fact, I don't want to do anything about it. Like losing weight. For every slow pound that I lose, I only have myself to blame.

Blame it on the cupcakes and the endless pasta recipes I whip on days and days. Blame it on the addicting effect of constantly keeping in touch with online friends. WTH.

I'm going home early today. Will have a great pasta night with my lil one. SEEEEEEEEEE

Going Over My Head AAGGGGAAAIN!

I had my nails painted bottle green. And for a moment, I think to myself how can it possibly go well with Filipiniana? LOL.

But that's where funky comes right?

Shoot is gonna be on Saturday. My lil one's outfits are more than ready. Her toys are packed. Her paint stuff is cleaned up. And I STILL wonder how it's gonna play out. Like the worrier in me, I try to tick off everything in my checklist. YES I HAVE a checklist for the shoot!

I've been telling my lil girl about photographer B. Even showed his picture from FB, just so she would be familiar and not hide in the dresser when he comes aroun. BUT knowing my lil one, she'd be perfectly alright when she sees a camera. I KNOW. She lives for that :)

Gawddd, last minute ideas! Last minute cramming! I seriously have to find myself a dress... and I seriously need to finalize all my ideas. (I'm forgetting again that this is NOT my moment! LOL) And see what photographer B thinks. It's always better to go with what the photographer thinks. I mean, his creative levels are waaaaay more than mine. lol

And so, on the other hand, I'm thinking of just bringing these outfits, these toys, these props, and WAIT how Saturday plays out. Maybe spontaneity is the key. Maybe funky and fun will just happen, and photographer B would be there to capture all of em.

Do I really need checklist everything... GROAN. GROAN...

In a bubble wrap. With glitters all aroun!

I never loved nobody fully
Always one foot on the ground
And by protecting my heart truly
I got lost in the sounds
I hear in my mind
All these voices
I hear in my mind all these words
I hear in my mind all this music

And it breaks my heart
And it breaks my heart
And it breaks my heart
It breaks my heart

**********

I read you and God I'm good at it I'm so spot on
Chord shapes in air go press that dissonance if you dare
And you breathing in finesse an innocent
From her partying

And I'm high enough from all the waiting
To ride a wave on your inhaling
And I'm high enough from all the waiting
To ride a wave on your inhaling
'Cause I love you no?
Can't help but love, you know...

***************

so let go, jump in
oh well, whatcha waiting for
it's alright
'cause there's beauty in the breakdown
so let go, just get in
oh, it's so amazing here
it's alright
'cause there's beauty in the breakdown

*****************
I am milk
I am red hot kitchen
And I am cool
Cool as the deep blue ocean

I am lost
So I am cruel
But I’d be love and sweetness
If I had you

I’m waiting
I’m waiting for you
I’m waiting
I’m waiting for you

*************

Waking up so early from sleeping sooo late and listening to frou frou and the rest of the playlist makes me feel okay. despite the lack of sleep. despite the thousands of things running through my head. despite the proposals that I need to finish. despite the fact that my little girl has shots due this week. despite the fact that the nanny wants to enroll in Sunday school. despite the fact that I may forego Coco's ballet classes. despite the fact that i badly want to go away to some far flung beach (and with no internet connection- OMG).

But I won't, I don't panic. It's the attempt to stay still when feeling so restless inside-- keeping quiet and listening to old, old, old music. Yesterday, I walked around with this dream I dreamt the other night. And continually heard Coco's resounding comment that we already prayed for money. I KNOW. I have faith. But I seriously doubted the heavens is gonna slap with a few thousand pesos to cover for anything that we need.

BUT the heavens did. Out of nowhere, unexpectedly, I get this kind of miracle. Not much, but enough. Surely enough to cover the shots, to cover the groceries, to cover the things I have been rolling my head over. AND It has always been like that. When I feel like I'm borderline panic that my moolah runnin short, something, a few actually really turns out. Have you ever had those moments that all you do is just exclaim: Thank You!!

It is a serious relief, from constantly working so hard, writing and baking endlessly and rolling and juggling the bills. Whoever said solo parenting is easy surely hasn't truly experience these late night worries.

Sometimes, I feel that God smiles down on us. and that we have a little fairy hiding in Coco's book shelves. But really, I have a little angel named Coco, who has been on the good side of God. :)

Yes, I think Coco is right then, we can pray even for money. Wonderful. Really wonderful.

Now back to working hard ;p

How can we argue with the Divine Plan?

The sermon yesterday was about being contented as success is not measured by worldly wealth. The priest went on to say that money is a source of security, a source of hope and the focus of everyone in town. We are always wishing for a bigger house, more cars, further vacation spots.. it never ends.

We must remember, he continued, that money can buy a house but not a home. It can buy medicine but not health. Books but not knowledge. Bed but not sleep.

What are we without God?

For someone like me who continually works for financial freedom, for a house we can call our own and for books for my little one to read, how will I know that it is already enough? I dream of bigger things for me and my little one. But I know that all my planning and hardwork is nothing if it isn't in God' plans.

Yes, I believe in the Divine Plan, with His Divine work and planning in motion. I realized this before, watched my laid out plans and dreams shattered like no more. And now, as I watch the broken pieces of that once a dream, I ask myself: Why do I no longer feel broken?

Because in the middle of my long winding road now, I found the beauty of sunrise, a family and true love in my daughter Coco, and simplicity in the life we lead.

Am I contented? Not really. Because I still dream. I still want more. I still work for more. But I know where I stand in this universe of ours. I am thankful that I have sleep, knowledge, health.. I am thankful that God agrees with my current plans.

For about three years, when I told myself I have to be strong because there is no other option, I discovered how strong I really am. When I found it difficult to face the future, I told myself to take it one day at a time.

And I have gotten far, haven't I?

Last night, when Coco and I had finished dinner, I turned on my laptop to start writing again. Coco came to me and said: "You're always working, Ma.."

I replied: "I know, Mommie needs to work so we will have money."

And she said:"But we've already prayed to Jesus for money."

How can we argue with that?

Hopeful. Thankful. Happy.

I woke up before sunrise and for the first time in so many months, I turned on the TV. It was tuned to a local channel and at that moment, they are featuring businesses run from home. Just my luck, they're showing cupcakes. Talk about starting the day hopeful :)

The past weeks, I started writing down the things I am thankful and grateful for. It's one way of affirming the good life and keeping the negativity of the world at a good distance.

*For ice cream days with my lil one and lola grandma.




Makes me feel proud that four generations of C women still leaving pretty trails.

* Summer Sun and splashes in our mini makeshift pool



* Beautiful mess of paints and a grinning Coco who just discovered hand painting





AND of course, what's a weekend without a good bake? Carrot and pumpkin loaf topped with cream cheese.



The good part? I finally was able to bake using squash and it turned out perfectly great!

Have a good one guys, work week may be just around the corner. But everyday can be weekends..

When Science explains the Dream

Did you know that the ability to switch perspectives and shifting your life is under a scientific and technological break through called Neuro Linguistic Programming?

My employer assigned these keywords to me about two weeks ago. And because of its complex sounding title, I kept shrugging off and pretending that the vacation and hotel articles are of more interest to me. When I finally ran out of other simple ones to run my mind through, I stalked wikepedia for the simplest meaning of NLP.

And lo, and behold, it is something we all want to read and know about.

Neuro Linguistic Programming or NLP, is a system that works with logic and linguistics to identify programs and mind-behavior relationship. With these tools of logical analyses, a shift in perspective for attainment of one's goal is called NLP.

Simply put, identifying a half empty glass and shifting to interpret it as half full is exactly what NLP is about.

A few years back, when I was in my lowest of low, I grieved and mourned and cried like the pain was too heavy to bear. that I'm too broken to move forward. Too empty to dream. Too everything. Then one day, with my bulging belly and all, I walked towards the chapel I frequented, I decided to put an end to my misery. I decided to look at the situation as a chance to prove i'm stronger than most people think I am. I decided to shift my words from I CAN'T to I CAN.

I started choosing happy thoughts only and refused to wallow in tears for more than an hour the most.

And though my healing and moving forward is a work in progress, I would like to think that I have gotten a few ribbons and stars along the way. NLP is about being better. being stronger. being more.

Yes, obviously, I am amazed at the whole concept. I didn't know that such mundane self-induced decisions such as shifting of perspectives can actually have a fancy term. And a whole string of courses too.

LOL.

Makes me bring to a confession: I have always wanted to be a life coach.

OH watch out Dr. Phil. No, watch out Wittgenstein. :D


Never stop thinking: One of my most favorite images of all time.

Life is like RHUM Raisin. And some traditional strawberry.

I love weekends.

When I hit Wednesday and mark the middle of the week, I find myself giddy with waiting for Friday to come. I live for the weekends where I can write, dream, bake, swim, paint.. (OH YES all with my lil one in tow!) and watch movies and endless string of CSI dvds (while Coco is busy taking naps!).

The past week:

I worked hard. And spent a night out with friends.



Last night, I have affirmed that Friends are like sporadic pools water in the middle of a desert. They're hard to come by, and when you find friends like these, you should know how lucky you are. :) I am a very lucky woman.

I watched my Coco swim and dream in her inflatable pool, grinning like crazy



I realized I am so blessed to have a lovely little girl. And that our simple life, filled with simple joys and laughter are enough.

I baked my first Birthday Cake and Cuppycakes order. Ariel and the little cupcakes.



And I realized that I will keep this dream of a cupcake house burning. As I feel little butterflies in my heart flutterin and waiting as I put on the hearts, the shells, the colors one by one. We'll never forget our first attempt :)

I wrote my first article in weeks.. "Introduction to Neuro Linguistic Programming" And I found myself travelling back to senior year, writing and reading dissertations and attempting to comprehend the thoughts and tenets of linguistic philosophy.

I received a good note.memo in my mail. And as I treated my work mates with some good home baking, I feel so lucky to have a wonderful work team (minus the B**** who salivates with envy), and thankful that so far, I think I have made a good decision.

Today is a beautiful Saturday. My little one and her bestfriend Christie are in our small makeshift pool, pretending to be mermaids. We're almost done with our painting obra, and because it's such a beautiful weekend, we're heading for Missy Bon Bon for some yummy ice cream treat.

Oh, don't you just love the beautiful life? ♥

I'm Back,

Finally able to write again. For the past weeks, my mind has been in a hiatus. I couldn't, wouldn't write about my articles. But I kept on reading on the matter and alternating with FB. I've got to close that account, it sucks most of my time.

But when your mind wanders and refuses to sit down and tackle articles, I know my heart must be flying with my thoughts. Daydreaming? I doubt if there's a solo parent anywhere who has time to. lol.

My week started real wrong. Woke up wrong side of the bed, saw the wrong face in the morning, made wrong proposals at work.... But during the course of the days, my world started taking shape. And today being Friday, I will end my work week right.

We have so much to be thankful for. right? And so many reasons to keep a smile on our faces.

Be back soon. :)

Remembering why it's half full when we're feeling half empty

I hate waking up in the middle of the night. Precisely why I hate the 6-11 black out shifts with a passion.The feeling of waking up into darkness, or even, waking up to see the lights back on and having to get up to put out the candles and stow away emergency lights are not routines I would like to get used to.

And I will never get used to this feeling sitting on my chest. It feels empty but heavy. Like waking up after an afternoon nap and discovering that sunset is almost over. And nightfall is a few seconds away. The mere timeframe. the mere picture of sunset upon waking up. The mere sad colors splashing all over the sky. THAT makes me feel this. And I know this feeling is anything but happy.

I am sad. sigh.

But over the years of feeling this kind of emotion, I have mastered the art of getting over it. Well, actually, more like the art of shoving it aside. And tonight, as I lay here fully awake and thinking of whipping icing on the Ariel cake, and worrying some endless worries, I try so hard to practice the art of shoving it aside.
And finding it a bit difficult than usual.

And as I encounter a single mommie's reality blog, and reading some of her worries/thoughts/frustrations makes me feel, well more sad. But I feel like despite everything lacking in my life, I feel blessed. And I feel for S.M. cuz I KNOW how and what she's feeling... And knowing how empty and how abyss like frustration must weigh on her little heart makes me feel sad for her, with her too. But I also feel fortunate as I realize the many things I should be thankful for.

So tonight, instead of ranting and nurturing this useless case of blues I will list down some of the beautiful things of today. And in my everyday existence:

*I've perfected the carrot and butter cuppycakes.
*I've managed to eat zero pork today, which means I am well on my way to realizing my losing weight.
*I've failed utterly in creating a sumptuous squash cake, but made an amazing squash and carrots soup for dinner. :)
*I've discovered that it is good to spend a few hours of lounging on bean bags with my little one, reading stories and sharing stories.
*I spoke with my little sister and had another reality check conversation.
*I realized that my lil one and me are fortunate to still afford ballet class, purchase cake supplies, grab a pizza and ride horses just for the heck of it.
*My lil one's nanny is heaven sent. And despite of my constant worrying that she might decide to leave when school starts (She wants to go back to school) I am still trying desperately to figure a way of accommodating her dream of joining Sunday School program to finsih high school. Gosh, could I afford sending her to schoooool???
*I still have my writing job despite days of slack and writer's block.
*Thank God for one Day at a Time mantra.

And when I have these nights that I feel that the glass is half empty, I always remind myself that half empty is half full. And shifting my perception and remembering what has gotten me this far always works in making me feel better. hopeful. optimistic. THANKFUL.

Yeah, with all the s*** i've been through, being thankful every single day will always make things easier to take. Making life easier at one day at a time.

What are you thankful for?

Everyday Should Be Friday

Everyday should be Friday. :)

I spent the day with my little one. We woke up early to read stories, had quick breakfast with lola grandma, made inflatable pools and transformed our garage into a beach, went to the mall to ride horsies, trains and bumblebees and shopped for summer shoes. AND baked chocolate fudge brownies... Sometimes, I wish it's weekend forever.

Are you loving your weekend yet? Whee! it's just starting! :D

Good Things Happen to those who Patiently Wait. :D

Last night was a bit better than my other black out nights. For the first time in many, I found myself not consciously waiting for the power to come back on.( I know, the power crisis in Mindanao has not yet been resolved. And until elections are rigged, this won't end.... sigh.) Me and lil one spent black out hours searching for good toys/props for the scenes-- in candle-lit, moonless evening.

And we took out her tea sets and grocery carts and we agreed on which bears to bring. OH I'm sure u get the idea now! :)
.
I told my little girl about photographer B's visit at the office earlier yesterday. And some ideas he has for the shoot, which he shared with me. AND YES! OMG! I am excited again! :) When I was at the farm last weekend, I found it impossible to hold a breakfast shoot, with all the flies this season, I am apprehensive, scared, whatever that summer flies will be included in the shooooot....

I know, it's supposed to be artsy and all. But I chose B to do our shoot cuz I love his funky and fun filled photos. Since I do not consider myself or my little ones celebrities, I feel a bit off to even propose a glamour shot. LOL. But I guess I'm just a sucker for life is beautiful, life is fun thingy. Which I think, what photoshoots are all about. To capture wacky moments, crazy times, happy faces..

And so my dear friends, on my quest for the best shoot outfits, dresses, scenes, make up and all.. I figured that I just couldn't get the farm girl out of me or my lil kiddos. Like, it's the best kind of scene that I want to be immortalized. But, for the life of me, Can u give me any ideas on how to glamorize it, even just a bit???

Today, I woke up with a smile on my face and my lil one in a real good morning mood. Weekend starts tomorrow! And we are ready for the little mermaid cupcakes! YES!

My first real life cake/cupcake order will be for lil Skye's 3rd birthday party on Sunday. (My lil one is invited to her swimming party too) And I feel that I could do this.

My affirmation for this week:

I AM CAPABLE. I CAN DO THIS.

Hurrah. What's your affirmation this week?

What's a world without love?

I spent the Holy Week at the Farm, with my lil one. I brought my laptop with me without the intention of opening it. But for some reason, I kept lugging it around. Sometimes, when my heart tells me to shut off and disconnect, my brain unceasingly argues. For reasons like I MUST WORK and WORK. And as the close "internal" conflicts go, my heart almost always wins.

And so, the past week was spent chasing my lil one around and playing Mommie to three/four beautiful kiddos.

I taught Q how to bake cookies, substituting basic ingredients with what we can find in the cupboards.



And she made them perfectly like a pro.. :D



Picked flowers with my little one during church visits and planted some back at home.



Bathe in the sunshine on Easter Morning



And as I watched my kiddo dressed up as Snow White and ran around the house with so much dreams, love and happiness...



I figured that this second chance in life that I have is the best gift that my Lord gave me.

Over the few days I visited churches, and contemplated on the Word of God, on my life now and on our future and our dreams, I have learned that when JC died on the cross one day, He died to give the world a second chance.

Like He gave me mine. And in doing so, I have experienced Unconditional loving, relentless faith and unceasing Hope.

With this second shot, I believe the world is a better one for me and for my little one. It's not easy going down the road less travelled, with its bumps and turns. But knowing that each turn leads us to the right direction and eventually reaching posts of dreams, we just close our eyes and enjoy the warmth of the sun on our faces and the singing of the wind.

When you find your unconditional love and believe in second chances in life, life is but a heart on black outs. :D




LOVE. :)

One More Chance

My friend D posted this on M's FB wall: the second chance we gave to the same undeserving person could have been the chance with your Mr. Right....

I'm the kind of person who always gives second chances. ALWAYS. And as well-meaning my intentions are, I seldom end up thinking I made a good decision and most often bawling like a kid. As I spent many nights pondering on chances, and thinking, maybe it's worth one more try, this wakes me up into a whole new perspective.

Why give second chances when we can always make firsts with someone better, someone more? Sigh.

If life. slash love. is this easy, One More Chance would have flopped.

But D, she could have not said it any better.

If We Ever Meet Again.. OWWW!