Traded my me time with work; my tired days with the same sleepless nights.
But today, I am back again.
To continue where I have left off.
To push through the difficult days.
To come back to my first love of writing.
I stared at my notepad for a really long time, feeling as if I have lost the ability to catch words and form them into thoughts. Or thoughts and form them into ideas.
I have seemingly felt myself grasping in thin air, asking myself if I still have things to write about.
If I have moments maybe worth talking to myself with.
I start with reflections.
And then unfinished projects and correspondence.
And as I slowly typed my way to the end of the project I have been shelving for quite some time now, I realized that I am happiest when I am in the company of my thoughts.
(Apart from being with my daughter, of course)
And in the company of these beautiful words.
In this quiet moment with my self, I empty my mind with the worries that inhabit my life for days no end.
I empty my heart with the questions I never run out asking. I sit here with a quiet resolve -- to just write and feel the words in my finger tips.
And watch them become the thoughts I fear to think about. Or ideas I refuse to look squarely in the eye.
The four-day holiday is ending today. The Holy Week was spent in our town's church -- me and little one in prayer or in part of the local church activities.
I have never really been keen in attending these religious programs-- partly because I never believed in dogma. But as a Catholic, I have always been prayerful. And I believe in the power of my faith.
So this year, I wholeheartedly set aside my personal criticisms of age old tradition and focused on my quiet relationship with my God, my redeemer and my friend. I brought my little girl along, not to force her into the local folk's tradition, but also to experience the beauty there is in believing in Christ and the Mother.
For four days, we attended mass and said our prayers.
We fasted and participated in the events organized by the church.
And I did so with all the willingness I have, and am glad to find little girl happy with her budding relationship with God and the Mother, and her deeper sense of faith.
Today, I rest my worries with Christ.
And I rest my questions in His Hands.
I will quiet this noise in my head, because there are things in this life that are beyond my understanding.
And are beyond my control.
I should just sit back and watch the wonders unfold.
A few more months before i hit my 3.0. mark-- but I will be at peace with where I am.
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