Somewhere in the middle of the ocean, I threw out some thoughts. And pondered on a number of things as I watched the waves crash onto the bottom of the big boat the carried me and little girl.
Over the weekend, I got my wish to escape from it All. Albeit it was a short one, the recent trip allowed me to re-evaluate my innermost thoughts and re-assess my numerous plans, dreams, everything...
I stumbled upon a blog that talked about scars that never heal. And I remembered how I always maintained that these scars are called such because they would never leave. And they would always serve as a bittersweet reminder of what were.
Then I watched Narnia with my daughter- who loved every moment of the experience and I understand, that for sooo long, I have dwelt on what was taken from me. And not on what was given. Oh yes, who could forget such a meaningful line, when it was uttered by Prince Caspian himself.
And we realize, that these scars may be a bittersweet reminder of the pain. But it is also a good thought to self that wounds eventually heal. And as they are now scars, we realize that whatever pain it is, like all things, it too shall pass.
And so, as I did have moments of swinging back and forth from the was to the now, I am glad to find that what I have become in the last years, I am proud of it.
Equally glad I am too to see little girl loving her first sail, her wonderful adventures and her curiosity and exhilarating joy in discovering the beautiful city of Cebu.
Additionally, I learned, that it is in the smallest, the most mundane things that we discover happiness.
A cup of gellato, a quiet nook, a wonderful sale, a smile or a hug. It is in the smallest things that we discover the meaning of it all.
Sunday, December 19, 2010
Tuesday, December 14, 2010
Sunday, December 12, 2010
My only Christmas Wish
Dear Santa,
All I really want for Christmas is a Kate Spade Flicker bon shopper bag.... SIGH.
Well, it's free to dream right. lolz
All I really want for Christmas is a Kate Spade Flicker bon shopper bag.... SIGH.
Well, it's free to dream right. lolz
Saturday, December 11, 2010
When the dust settles...
I woke up late and has left bed only to eat breakfast. Me and little one has been sleeping in and watching Mary Poppins over and over and munching on the cookies I got from Margies. OMG, diet!
The reason I got my laptop and I'm writing again so soon is because I am almost in a panic. I realized I am far away from my Christmas list and I haven't gotten little one surprise presents! Everything I got (pasalubongs) that were wrapped and kept under the tree, she already knows... She has already seen. And I still haven't gotten anything for some of the yayas, Booboo, tito E, and yeah, my dad and his kids...........
Speaking of.
Although, admittedly, my relationship with my father and his new family has always been strained, I still couldn't really shake off the fact that He's still a dad to me and my sister C. And he is still little girl's grandfather. And it is only because of this fact that I stretch my limits and shut my mouth as long as I could, so as my little girl would see Him as a grandfather of sorts.
When little girl came to this world, the bad blood between me and my dad did not end. But admittedly, it got better. I know for a fact that there are things that I could not change and should accept- of which about 70% I have already accepted. But the thing is, no one and nothing can force me to LOVE the situation. The best that I can do is to stay quiet. And for most of the time, I think I have done my part.
Maybe it is the way of time. As we age, we learn to mellow down. And see things in a different angle. If there is one thing I have learned from this year, is to stretch my patience in everything. Something that I have been struggling with ever since. But slowly learning the art of it. Afterall, I am not getting any younger.
I have learned to stay still until the dust settles and the murky waters have cleared.
I still have a long way to go, when it comes to this aspect and issue. But things cannot be rushed or forced. And when 2011 enters, I vow to stretch more. Or ignore more. LOLZ
This 2011, I look forward to a continued year of blessings. And an extension to my line of patience. Because when we wait, we wait for something better. And when it arrives, we realize that we have gotten the best.
And USUALLY, when we turn a cheek to a throw of stone, we reap something better. It's good karma. :D
The reason I got my laptop and I'm writing again so soon is because I am almost in a panic. I realized I am far away from my Christmas list and I haven't gotten little one surprise presents! Everything I got (pasalubongs) that were wrapped and kept under the tree, she already knows... She has already seen. And I still haven't gotten anything for some of the yayas, Booboo, tito E, and yeah, my dad and his kids...........
Speaking of.
Although, admittedly, my relationship with my father and his new family has always been strained, I still couldn't really shake off the fact that He's still a dad to me and my sister C. And he is still little girl's grandfather. And it is only because of this fact that I stretch my limits and shut my mouth as long as I could, so as my little girl would see Him as a grandfather of sorts.
When little girl came to this world, the bad blood between me and my dad did not end. But admittedly, it got better. I know for a fact that there are things that I could not change and should accept- of which about 70% I have already accepted. But the thing is, no one and nothing can force me to LOVE the situation. The best that I can do is to stay quiet. And for most of the time, I think I have done my part.
Maybe it is the way of time. As we age, we learn to mellow down. And see things in a different angle. If there is one thing I have learned from this year, is to stretch my patience in everything. Something that I have been struggling with ever since. But slowly learning the art of it. Afterall, I am not getting any younger.
I have learned to stay still until the dust settles and the murky waters have cleared.
I still have a long way to go, when it comes to this aspect and issue. But things cannot be rushed or forced. And when 2011 enters, I vow to stretch more. Or ignore more. LOLZ
This 2011, I look forward to a continued year of blessings. And an extension to my line of patience. Because when we wait, we wait for something better. And when it arrives, we realize that we have gotten the best.
And USUALLY, when we turn a cheek to a throw of stone, we reap something better. It's good karma. :D
Friday, December 10, 2010
Travel Assignments and Firsts
My recent trip to the sleepy city of Butuan was one of the most productive trips I've ever done. It was also one of those riddled with "Firsts" and has ended with me bagging a lot of "Good Jobs", which I am really proud of.
Did you know that Butuan is a rich city, blessed with fertile soil, abundant water and a people built for hardwork? If I had imagined Butuan as quiet and slow, I was in for a big surprise to see a lot of similarities between my city and B. The beautiful landscape and the pesudo-busy streets provides a balance between work and leisure. There is life to the city, but just enough so as not to disturb the natural balance of things.
It was tranquility in a jar, almost serene.
This trip, I have:
1. Learned to ride the bus alone to a place I have never been to.
2. Memorized my schedule and store it in my head without mistake.
3. Found out that I can do my job without losing heart
4. Understood why I landed this job and is actually really loving IT
5. Observed that wherever I go, I end up ordering an eggplant dish for one meal the least.
6. Been wondering why my age is considered TOO YOUNG when I already feel like ALMOST TOO OLD. and wondering why being young is equated with being ignorant of the world. (TRY ME)
7. Realized that though I love the work, it will take me a while to get used to sleeping alone in hotels, eating take out or eating out with clients, and not having little within arms length.
BUT you know, as long as I keep my promises to little one, everything will work out great. Like a keeper of time, she did count the number of sleeps she did alone. AND just as I had promised, on the third night since I rode the bus, I am back home.
On my way back, Booboo texted me if I am on my way and when I asked why he replied with: Because little one is waiting for you.
And at that exact moment, in the middle of nowhere- riding the seemingly endless winding road, I KNOW that nothing will ever come close to the happiness or the amazing feat of being a mother. Because no matter how "proud" I was in my work accomplishments the days before, that very moment, the very image of little one quietly sitting and waiting is and will ALWAYS be the proudest in my life.
The spare afternoon I got today (from arriving early from my trip) was well spent. I went with little girl to school and watched her practice their routine for grandparents' day on Monday.
She is a natural dancer :D such grace!! such poise. I felt tears of joy well up. ( I know, drama!!)
SIGH. you know what Butuan has that CDO doesn't? Margie's- lttle girl's only wish for me to bring home.
So I did. A bagful of Margie's to my little girl's delight!
P.S. I found a classic butterfly sleeve blouse for a steal- an addition to my treasury of great finds :D pictures of the B trip and lil one's practice to follow... for now, some much needed shut eye!
Did you know that Butuan is a rich city, blessed with fertile soil, abundant water and a people built for hardwork? If I had imagined Butuan as quiet and slow, I was in for a big surprise to see a lot of similarities between my city and B. The beautiful landscape and the pesudo-busy streets provides a balance between work and leisure. There is life to the city, but just enough so as not to disturb the natural balance of things.
It was tranquility in a jar, almost serene.
This trip, I have:
1. Learned to ride the bus alone to a place I have never been to.
2. Memorized my schedule and store it in my head without mistake.
3. Found out that I can do my job without losing heart
4. Understood why I landed this job and is actually really loving IT
5. Observed that wherever I go, I end up ordering an eggplant dish for one meal the least.
6. Been wondering why my age is considered TOO YOUNG when I already feel like ALMOST TOO OLD. and wondering why being young is equated with being ignorant of the world. (TRY ME)
7. Realized that though I love the work, it will take me a while to get used to sleeping alone in hotels, eating take out or eating out with clients, and not having little within arms length.
BUT you know, as long as I keep my promises to little one, everything will work out great. Like a keeper of time, she did count the number of sleeps she did alone. AND just as I had promised, on the third night since I rode the bus, I am back home.
On my way back, Booboo texted me if I am on my way and when I asked why he replied with: Because little one is waiting for you.
And at that exact moment, in the middle of nowhere- riding the seemingly endless winding road, I KNOW that nothing will ever come close to the happiness or the amazing feat of being a mother. Because no matter how "proud" I was in my work accomplishments the days before, that very moment, the very image of little one quietly sitting and waiting is and will ALWAYS be the proudest in my life.
The spare afternoon I got today (from arriving early from my trip) was well spent. I went with little girl to school and watched her practice their routine for grandparents' day on Monday.
She is a natural dancer :D such grace!! such poise. I felt tears of joy well up. ( I know, drama!!)
SIGH. you know what Butuan has that CDO doesn't? Margie's- lttle girl's only wish for me to bring home.
So I did. A bagful of Margie's to my little girl's delight!
P.S. I found a classic butterfly sleeve blouse for a steal- an addition to my treasury of great finds :D pictures of the B trip and lil one's practice to follow... for now, some much needed shut eye!
Monday, December 6, 2010
Great Finds
All that flying and meetings left me tired, drained and overwhelmed. I missed my little one constantly, I used up my minutes just because I feel like hearing her say "Hi Ma! Ikaw na sad? (It's You Again??)"
I came home with a grin on my face and a shopping bag in tow. I found me and little one pretty dresses for the holiday season! And because I ran into Lady Luck, i'm holding close a few more to search for more great great finds this weekend!
Here are some of the beautiful treasures I found at a really good bargain. I should say, these pieces are bound to take up closet space for a bit of time.
Of course, as shabby as I could be at any given time, most fundamental pieces cost no more than 20USD. Except for the shoes, of course. :D
THE basic white boyfriend polo (ALTHOUGH no boyfriend to grab it from!lolz)
In beautiful contrast with this gorgeous button up in beautiful peach. The stitch of a belt goes well with the leopard flats.
My favorite georgette top that can double as a short summer dress and a blouse on a cool day.
AND my greatest find this weekend: the little black dress which fits PERFECTLY!
that made me feel like the grown up Alice lost in Wonderland.. :D
And this one, is ME with the famous white boa. lolz Maybe I can pass for a Marilyn? or even better!
This weekend, i'm looking forward to another bargain hunting of some more of these great, great finds. :D
What's your great find this week?
I came home with a grin on my face and a shopping bag in tow. I found me and little one pretty dresses for the holiday season! And because I ran into Lady Luck, i'm holding close a few more to search for more great great finds this weekend!
Here are some of the beautiful treasures I found at a really good bargain. I should say, these pieces are bound to take up closet space for a bit of time.
Of course, as shabby as I could be at any given time, most fundamental pieces cost no more than 20USD. Except for the shoes, of course. :D
THE basic white boyfriend polo (ALTHOUGH no boyfriend to grab it from!lolz)
In beautiful contrast with this gorgeous button up in beautiful peach. The stitch of a belt goes well with the leopard flats.
My favorite georgette top that can double as a short summer dress and a blouse on a cool day.
AND my greatest find this weekend: the little black dress which fits PERFECTLY!
that made me feel like the grown up Alice lost in Wonderland.. :D
And this one, is ME with the famous white boa. lolz Maybe I can pass for a Marilyn? or even better!
This weekend, i'm looking forward to another bargain hunting of some more of these great, great finds. :D
What's your great find this week?
Wednesday, December 1, 2010
Hei December!
Hello there December, glad to have met you again so soon.
The first day marks the beginning of the closing of the year, and knowing that my 2010 has been quite a lovely one, seeing you again is well, seemingly more pleasant. This first day of the month, I am raising my prayers of thanks for the many wonderful moments I have taken part into and for the many amazing opportunities that have marked the year. I also give thanks for the good news that I hear and for my sister's within-the-reach dream. And of course, for the many beautiful friends I've met along the way.
And along with these little prayers of thanks is my little wish of an equally smooth and maybe a bit more of what was 2010.
Baby girl is still quietly sleeping in, with a bottle of milk in one arm and her lil bear on the other. She gets up and snuggles at my side as I write these thoughts down. Our tree is already up and i'm gonna start wrapping presents over the weekend. And you see, these kind of mornings are exactly what make the year beautiful.
More mornings like this and my heart will stay happy :D
Some snapshots from my grandmother's 92nd. We forgot to order the cake, couldn't find 92 balloons and there have been slips here and there through out the party. BUT yes, it was a wonderful one.
The golden girls, the siblings, my little girl and everyone stopped to greet lola G.
Oh, such is a beautiful, wonderful life...
The first day marks the beginning of the closing of the year, and knowing that my 2010 has been quite a lovely one, seeing you again is well, seemingly more pleasant. This first day of the month, I am raising my prayers of thanks for the many wonderful moments I have taken part into and for the many amazing opportunities that have marked the year. I also give thanks for the good news that I hear and for my sister's within-the-reach dream. And of course, for the many beautiful friends I've met along the way.
And along with these little prayers of thanks is my little wish of an equally smooth and maybe a bit more of what was 2010.
Baby girl is still quietly sleeping in, with a bottle of milk in one arm and her lil bear on the other. She gets up and snuggles at my side as I write these thoughts down. Our tree is already up and i'm gonna start wrapping presents over the weekend. And you see, these kind of mornings are exactly what make the year beautiful.
More mornings like this and my heart will stay happy :D
Some snapshots from my grandmother's 92nd. We forgot to order the cake, couldn't find 92 balloons and there have been slips here and there through out the party. BUT yes, it was a wonderful one.
The golden girls, the siblings, my little girl and everyone stopped to greet lola G.
Oh, such is a beautiful, wonderful life...
Tuesday, November 23, 2010
Where the heart is..
I don't trust my heart, it flips and flops and do somersaults in moments we least expect. AND we are always left to wonder WHY or HOW. and just speechless, just staring into space and do or think of nothing.
So, maybe tomorrow, when this has floated away, I would get to gather my thoughts and jar the emotions and store them in a safe place. ack.
Flying back to CD-oh, with a million memories from years back and snapshots along the way, my short Manila trip was packed with a bundle of happYness. A few good laughter, Harry Potter 7 (my first movie in years!), endless chatter and a bag of GOOD news: I felt like things are really falling into the rightful place.
My days were peppered with my snaps, my heart has never really left Los Banos. And has never really left Makati or Alabang too. But has found home in the arms of little one, right here in small town CD-oh.
Thus, I feel how loved I have been. AND Now, I know how loved I am :D
Me and J grabbed some goooood food from our fave place Chimara, munched on tofu chips and cheese popcorn, downed less sugar less everything green tea... then
discovered an english nook in the middle of Alabang, with stacks of great cheese and soy-free concoctions. Spent more time with good friends before heading back to the place I will always also call home.
Coming home to elbi was beyond any words that I could muster. It was surreal too. Too bad I got there at nightfall and raining, I couldn't get great pictures and was tooooo tired and too short of time to fully appreciate coming back.
I was surprised by how SLEX was weirdly un-congested, and even more surprised to see that the tollway took on a modern facade- as if boasting the years I have blatantly ignored coming back the SLEX way.
And I did feel my heart jump when I saw V arcade, with the strange presence of a ministop and a string of ATMs..
But as far as good friends and drinks are concerned, it was still the elbi that I knew. Oh, just a bit crappy that my isismates were nowhere to be found (on such a short notice and tight sched, it was IMpossible to get all of us in the crazy place), I wished I could have frozen time for a moment longer.
AND I went home to my old room, and found my old stuff in the exact places where they were. And unearthed my treasured treasures, and browsed through my heart kept inside a cardboard box.
I know, the whole everything occupies a chunk of my heart. AnD if I could go back to freshman year, I think I'd still pick everything just as I did before. BUT, I have also been thinking, If my friend M is right, if I had chosen differently, things might have been different too. Like, some sort of domino effect.
If you can only teach your heart, then I guess a bucketful of tears could have been avoided. OR well, maybe, added. Really hard to say if one thing would make a difference. or if nothing would ever change.
Sometimes, the choices that we make, in that split instance, the Angels above guide us. Like the soft voice within the never really leaves. or shuts up.
YES. I am happy with the way things turned out. Especially when I found this little girl waiting for me when I came back home:
Who gave me the tightest hug and the most wonderful feeling of being loved and the most beautiful role in the world: being a mommy :D
Remember the old days, looking forward to the future, oh, what a beautiful beautiful feeling indeed. With my lil bear, I think, wow, what beautiful years they have been and what amazing next years to come!!
So, maybe tomorrow, when this has floated away, I would get to gather my thoughts and jar the emotions and store them in a safe place. ack.
Flying back to CD-oh, with a million memories from years back and snapshots along the way, my short Manila trip was packed with a bundle of happYness. A few good laughter, Harry Potter 7 (my first movie in years!), endless chatter and a bag of GOOD news: I felt like things are really falling into the rightful place.
My days were peppered with my snaps, my heart has never really left Los Banos. And has never really left Makati or Alabang too. But has found home in the arms of little one, right here in small town CD-oh.
Thus, I feel how loved I have been. AND Now, I know how loved I am :D
Me and J grabbed some goooood food from our fave place Chimara, munched on tofu chips and cheese popcorn, downed less sugar less everything green tea... then
discovered an english nook in the middle of Alabang, with stacks of great cheese and soy-free concoctions. Spent more time with good friends before heading back to the place I will always also call home.
Coming home to elbi was beyond any words that I could muster. It was surreal too. Too bad I got there at nightfall and raining, I couldn't get great pictures and was tooooo tired and too short of time to fully appreciate coming back.
I was surprised by how SLEX was weirdly un-congested, and even more surprised to see that the tollway took on a modern facade- as if boasting the years I have blatantly ignored coming back the SLEX way.
And I did feel my heart jump when I saw V arcade, with the strange presence of a ministop and a string of ATMs..
But as far as good friends and drinks are concerned, it was still the elbi that I knew. Oh, just a bit crappy that my isismates were nowhere to be found (on such a short notice and tight sched, it was IMpossible to get all of us in the crazy place), I wished I could have frozen time for a moment longer.
AND I went home to my old room, and found my old stuff in the exact places where they were. And unearthed my treasured treasures, and browsed through my heart kept inside a cardboard box.
I know, the whole everything occupies a chunk of my heart. AnD if I could go back to freshman year, I think I'd still pick everything just as I did before. BUT, I have also been thinking, If my friend M is right, if I had chosen differently, things might have been different too. Like, some sort of domino effect.
If you can only teach your heart, then I guess a bucketful of tears could have been avoided. OR well, maybe, added. Really hard to say if one thing would make a difference. or if nothing would ever change.
Sometimes, the choices that we make, in that split instance, the Angels above guide us. Like the soft voice within the never really leaves. or shuts up.
YES. I am happy with the way things turned out. Especially when I found this little girl waiting for me when I came back home:
Who gave me the tightest hug and the most wonderful feeling of being loved and the most beautiful role in the world: being a mommy :D
Remember the old days, looking forward to the future, oh, what a beautiful beautiful feeling indeed. With my lil bear, I think, wow, what beautiful years they have been and what amazing next years to come!!
Wednesday, November 17, 2010
A very Long post... ;D
If losing someone or something is as easy as having it replaced by another in an exact same packaging, how do you think life is gonna be?
A few days ago, I bought lil one a Kitty Balloon. She carried it with her every where she went, treated it as one of her beloved Barbies, and even named it like Kitty Ming, her pumpkin of a cat. She sure loved that balloon, even if it floated in our bedroom like a ghost at night.
Then one day, she forgot to tie it to her dress. And as she skipped and danced and twirled like a ballerina on stage, Kitty Balloon floated high in the air. And she started to wail. And CRY like a heartbroken child. I haven't seen or heard hear sob like that since she lost Chingching, her puppy. And it broke my heart too.
If I could fly, I would have gotten back Kitty Balloon. If I could ask Inday to climb the tree to reach up to it, I would have hollered too. lolz If I could make one in an instant, I would have made an exact same balloon like a magician reaching for its stash. BUT. of course, it wasn't possible.
After the stories of KBalloon going to heaven and visiting Chingching, the assurances that it's okay, and mommie's promise of a Pony ride, she finally quieted down. But she still bought Kitty Balloon up whenever she could.
Later that night, as Booboo (her grandpa) knocked on our bedroom door, Kitty Balloon slowly crept in to say Hi. AND you should have seen her jump out of bed and into her grandfather's arms. It was a beautiful sight.
AND she told me, she shrieked: Look Ma, Booboo climbed the tree and brought Kitty Balloon back!! And hugged me as she told me that Kitty Balloon brought her puppy back too.
Well, Booboo and the rest of my family has done the exact same thing with me, every time I lost something. a Kitty Balloon or a hankie or an opportunity. Maybe, a time came when they too climbed trees to bring back my floater.
I'm not so sure what kind of realizations I've had over that incident, I just couldn't shake it off my head and so, I figured, I must write it down.
I guess, it wasn't the same exact thing that they brought me back: It was better though. And even if it wasn't all the time that they climbed uphill for me, they pushed me to reach up and find a better Kitty Balloon. And they've always managed to give me a good hug when I surely need one.
****************************************8
NotYourAverageSingleMama awarded me with:
And as it is my first blog award, I thank her with all my heart! YEY! :D CC, as she is fondly called, is one of my many sources of inspiration and strength. As all single parents have, CC also has her story to share: one of a struggle and her amazing strength sustained her through it all. You can check her out at
http://www.notyouraveragesinglemama.com
And along this award, are seven random facts about yours truly:
1. I love red nails, and even if I shift to pastels sometimes, I always come back to red.
2. I pray every single day and am devoted to the Mother of Perpetual Help.
3. It irritates me when someone interrupts me when I'm in deep thought or writing, only to say the stupidest things ever. AND I respond by not responding.
4. I believe in the power of words, and that it could break or make people, build or destroy relationships and create or erase paths. It's God's gift in a pen.
5. I love eggplant dishes. Eggplant stew, pasta or salad. I don't care! haha
6. When I build my own dream house, the kitchen and the library is gonna be the heart of it all. :)
7. I love my job, and I surely love being a mother to my lil One- that I think, THIS is the best of both worlds.
AND i'm forwarding the award to a few good friends and some bloggers too (7 blog friends, but mine dusnt reach 7!LOLZ) who have inspired me with their stories.
the cool teacher: http://motsmots.blogspot.com/
the coolest boho mom: http://bohemiansinglemom.blogspot.com
the most artistic mother I've seen: http://paintedhouse52.blogspot.com/
the storyteller: http://twitter.com/odchimar
And as to letting them know of their awards, i'm getting there!!
Hooray Wednesday!
A few days ago, I bought lil one a Kitty Balloon. She carried it with her every where she went, treated it as one of her beloved Barbies, and even named it like Kitty Ming, her pumpkin of a cat. She sure loved that balloon, even if it floated in our bedroom like a ghost at night.
Then one day, she forgot to tie it to her dress. And as she skipped and danced and twirled like a ballerina on stage, Kitty Balloon floated high in the air. And she started to wail. And CRY like a heartbroken child. I haven't seen or heard hear sob like that since she lost Chingching, her puppy. And it broke my heart too.
If I could fly, I would have gotten back Kitty Balloon. If I could ask Inday to climb the tree to reach up to it, I would have hollered too. lolz If I could make one in an instant, I would have made an exact same balloon like a magician reaching for its stash. BUT. of course, it wasn't possible.
After the stories of KBalloon going to heaven and visiting Chingching, the assurances that it's okay, and mommie's promise of a Pony ride, she finally quieted down. But she still bought Kitty Balloon up whenever she could.
Later that night, as Booboo (her grandpa) knocked on our bedroom door, Kitty Balloon slowly crept in to say Hi. AND you should have seen her jump out of bed and into her grandfather's arms. It was a beautiful sight.
AND she told me, she shrieked: Look Ma, Booboo climbed the tree and brought Kitty Balloon back!! And hugged me as she told me that Kitty Balloon brought her puppy back too.
Well, Booboo and the rest of my family has done the exact same thing with me, every time I lost something. a Kitty Balloon or a hankie or an opportunity. Maybe, a time came when they too climbed trees to bring back my floater.
I'm not so sure what kind of realizations I've had over that incident, I just couldn't shake it off my head and so, I figured, I must write it down.
I guess, it wasn't the same exact thing that they brought me back: It was better though. And even if it wasn't all the time that they climbed uphill for me, they pushed me to reach up and find a better Kitty Balloon. And they've always managed to give me a good hug when I surely need one.
****************************************8
NotYourAverageSingleMama awarded me with:
And as it is my first blog award, I thank her with all my heart! YEY! :D CC, as she is fondly called, is one of my many sources of inspiration and strength. As all single parents have, CC also has her story to share: one of a struggle and her amazing strength sustained her through it all. You can check her out at
http://www.notyouraveragesinglemama.com
And along this award, are seven random facts about yours truly:
1. I love red nails, and even if I shift to pastels sometimes, I always come back to red.
2. I pray every single day and am devoted to the Mother of Perpetual Help.
3. It irritates me when someone interrupts me when I'm in deep thought or writing, only to say the stupidest things ever. AND I respond by not responding.
4. I believe in the power of words, and that it could break or make people, build or destroy relationships and create or erase paths. It's God's gift in a pen.
5. I love eggplant dishes. Eggplant stew, pasta or salad. I don't care! haha
6. When I build my own dream house, the kitchen and the library is gonna be the heart of it all. :)
7. I love my job, and I surely love being a mother to my lil One- that I think, THIS is the best of both worlds.
AND i'm forwarding the award to a few good friends and some bloggers too (7 blog friends, but mine dusnt reach 7!LOLZ) who have inspired me with their stories.
the cool teacher: http://motsmots.blogspot.com/
the coolest boho mom: http://bohemiansinglemom.blogspot.com
the most artistic mother I've seen: http://paintedhouse52.blogspot.com/
the storyteller: http://twitter.com/odchimar
And as to letting them know of their awards, i'm getting there!!
Hooray Wednesday!
Thursday, November 11, 2010
Laundry Day on a workday?
I am sooo lazy. I feel too lazy to get up and get ready for work. Some days, I just have that. I feel like I wanted to sleep in, waste my time on the net, read books with little one or do my laundry.
Ha! I'm doing my laundry now. lolz
I figured I can save much if I'd let manang go and do the laundry myself. Additionally, it's gonna be something that's gonna push me to becoming close to being domesticated. Working Domesticated Single Mommie!
AND so, I get to do it on weekends, in between days and nights and end up feeling really tired. And i am about to re-think my decision and maybe throw in the white towel.
BUT not yet. The hurdle is only during the first few weekends right? then it's gonna be smooth sailing laundry. :D
Ha! I'm doing my laundry now. lolz
I figured I can save much if I'd let manang go and do the laundry myself. Additionally, it's gonna be something that's gonna push me to becoming close to being domesticated. Working Domesticated Single Mommie!
AND so, I get to do it on weekends, in between days and nights and end up feeling really tired. And i am about to re-think my decision and maybe throw in the white towel.
BUT not yet. The hurdle is only during the first few weekends right? then it's gonna be smooth sailing laundry. :D
Friday, November 5, 2010
Coffee and a Read
The other night, powerbooks sent me a newsletter of the new books to read for the long holiday break. And from those listed, I've come up with a few of my MUST BUY MUST READ selection:
* Paulo Coelho: The complete collection - it includes all 11 books with my most fave, the Zahir, and Brida right smack in the middle. It doesn't really cost much too :D yey!
* The Boleyn Inheritance (Philippa Gregory) - If you loved the movie The Other Boleyn Girl, you must love this book as well. With the way the synopsis is written, you can already say it's one helluva melodramatic history.
* The Story of Edgar Sawtelle (David Wroblewski) - is a tale about a born mute who has lived within his comfortzone, with loving parents and a loyal friend. When life's tragedies befall, he was forced to flee his home, grow up and returns homeward a changed man: strong and determined. MUST READ!
* One Day at a Time (Danielle Steel) - my choice romance novel, just to complete my picks lolz
I've made some room renovations and have put up a nook for me and Coco to snuggle and read a good book- a window seat with a nice book shelf on the side. Will post pictures soon when I finish painting them!
Do-it-Yourself things, love.
* Paulo Coelho: The complete collection - it includes all 11 books with my most fave, the Zahir, and Brida right smack in the middle. It doesn't really cost much too :D yey!
* The Boleyn Inheritance (Philippa Gregory) - If you loved the movie The Other Boleyn Girl, you must love this book as well. With the way the synopsis is written, you can already say it's one helluva melodramatic history.
* The Story of Edgar Sawtelle (David Wroblewski) - is a tale about a born mute who has lived within his comfortzone, with loving parents and a loyal friend. When life's tragedies befall, he was forced to flee his home, grow up and returns homeward a changed man: strong and determined. MUST READ!
* One Day at a Time (Danielle Steel) - my choice romance novel, just to complete my picks lolz
I've made some room renovations and have put up a nook for me and Coco to snuggle and read a good book- a window seat with a nice book shelf on the side. Will post pictures soon when I finish painting them!
Do-it-Yourself things, love.
Tuesday, November 2, 2010
Sleepless in Autumn
I have always been in awe of autumn. Though I live in a place where it's either warm or cold, I have always dreamed of lying on a bed gold and brown leaves. Never mind the itch or the uneasiness of it, the idea of just lying there, without a care in the world, with all the love in the heart is simply heart warming.
There's just something romantic about it.
Earlier tonight, as I tucked little one to bed, the thought suddenly hit me. Like an epiphany of some sort of how things would be. I felt the cool air run through and I shivered involuntarily.
A thing came to my mind:
If I should find the right man, I would wish for someone who loves the last quarter wind and the cool breeze as much as me and lil girl do; for someone who will lovethe beautiful fall, and wouldn't mind as we gather the leaves of time.
It is wonderful. Like, being in a state of transition from the beautiful summer to a wonderful winter. Being suspended and embraced by the mere possibility and quiet predictability of the days to come. Like, just being together underneath a beautiful canopy of life.
One day soon, when little heart has finally recovered, maybe. just maybe.
For now, I don't mind much with just watching the leaves fall from my little white bench. and sitting and feeling my days play out.
With this little one rolling down the hill with me, sometimes I forget that One day, the autumn I have always dreamed about have already turned back to spring.
By then, my One day might finally arrive. And we would then all believe in being in awe of autumn again.
There's just something romantic about it.
Earlier tonight, as I tucked little one to bed, the thought suddenly hit me. Like an epiphany of some sort of how things would be. I felt the cool air run through and I shivered involuntarily.
A thing came to my mind:
If I should find the right man, I would wish for someone who loves the last quarter wind and the cool breeze as much as me and lil girl do; for someone who will lovethe beautiful fall, and wouldn't mind as we gather the leaves of time.
It is wonderful. Like, being in a state of transition from the beautiful summer to a wonderful winter. Being suspended and embraced by the mere possibility and quiet predictability of the days to come. Like, just being together underneath a beautiful canopy of life.
One day soon, when little heart has finally recovered, maybe. just maybe.
For now, I don't mind much with just watching the leaves fall from my little white bench. and sitting and feeling my days play out.
With this little one rolling down the hill with me, sometimes I forget that One day, the autumn I have always dreamed about have already turned back to spring.
By then, my One day might finally arrive. And we would then all believe in being in awe of autumn again.
Monday, November 1, 2010
I love you, Ma.
Today is All Saint's Day. And since tomorrow (All Soul's Day) is a working day, I honored my departed loved ones today.
I visited my mother's tomb early morning with my little one and we lighted pink and red scented candles, arranged fresh blooms and said our quiet prayer.
It has been 18 years since she passed away and it still feels like she just left. The emptiness, the sadness and the longing for a mother don't really leave. It might fade, but it never really goes away...
In a moment there, as I said my quiet prayer, I kinda groped around that hollowness inside again. But this time, I told my mom how I have come full circle- i'm a mother now to a child as old as I was when she taught me my first Marian prayer.
And I think my mom would be happy to see me and lil one this happy. Finally, after all the hardships, me and little girl are in bliss.
There are a lot more things to go through, I know. But if there's one thing I learned from my mom, it's the miracle of a mother's love. The fact that a mother-daughter bond can never break: No matter what. And it's the mother's love that will always be the HOME we all come back to.
When little one was in the restroom a few moments ago, the rain suddenly poured heavily. Thunder and lighting in chorus. And my little one cried out: Mommy! Mommy! I literally jumped out of my chair with my heart beating at the palm of my hand.
She has always been scared of thunder. AND just as she saw me and hugged me, she stopped bawling. And I know, that this is being a mother is all about. Being the source of comfort and the big bear hug that will envelope us when we are just scared witless.
Today, say a short prayer for the mother who has always been there for me and my sister, C. For the grandmother that my lil one will always know by heart.
Prayer for Deceased Parents
O God, Who hast commanded us to honour our father and our
mother,
in Thy mercy have pity on the souls of my father/ mother,
and forgive them their trespasses,
and make me to see them again in the joy of everlasting
light.
Through Our Lord Jesus Christ, Thy Son,
Who liveth and reigneth with Thee in the unity of the Holy
Ghost,
God, world without end.
Amen.
And for all the mothers in the world, single or otherwise, Thank God.
I visited my mother's tomb early morning with my little one and we lighted pink and red scented candles, arranged fresh blooms and said our quiet prayer.
It has been 18 years since she passed away and it still feels like she just left. The emptiness, the sadness and the longing for a mother don't really leave. It might fade, but it never really goes away...
In a moment there, as I said my quiet prayer, I kinda groped around that hollowness inside again. But this time, I told my mom how I have come full circle- i'm a mother now to a child as old as I was when she taught me my first Marian prayer.
And I think my mom would be happy to see me and lil one this happy. Finally, after all the hardships, me and little girl are in bliss.
There are a lot more things to go through, I know. But if there's one thing I learned from my mom, it's the miracle of a mother's love. The fact that a mother-daughter bond can never break: No matter what. And it's the mother's love that will always be the HOME we all come back to.
When little one was in the restroom a few moments ago, the rain suddenly poured heavily. Thunder and lighting in chorus. And my little one cried out: Mommy! Mommy! I literally jumped out of my chair with my heart beating at the palm of my hand.
She has always been scared of thunder. AND just as she saw me and hugged me, she stopped bawling. And I know, that this is being a mother is all about. Being the source of comfort and the big bear hug that will envelope us when we are just scared witless.
Today, say a short prayer for the mother who has always been there for me and my sister, C. For the grandmother that my lil one will always know by heart.
Prayer for Deceased Parents
O God, Who hast commanded us to honour our father and our
mother,
in Thy mercy have pity on the souls of my father/ mother,
and forgive them their trespasses,
and make me to see them again in the joy of everlasting
light.
Through Our Lord Jesus Christ, Thy Son,
Who liveth and reigneth with Thee in the unity of the Holy
Ghost,
God, world without end.
Amen.
And for all the mothers in the world, single or otherwise, Thank God.
Sunday, October 31, 2010
SUNDAYS with old and new memories :D
One Day, I woke up with a little bump.
(At six weeks)
And God told me, the little bump is growing...
(At nine weeks)
After a few trips and some good shopping, the little bump is ready to come out! And i've learned it's a SHE. who will adore zara, shoes and dashing D!
When SHE finally did, I felt my heart leap. felt everything settle. AND I've witnessed my first miracle.
(Coco at 5 days old.)
I laugh when I first heard her giggle..
SHIVERED when I gave her her first bath, wondering how I would..
Watched her sleep, just watched her breathe..
(Coco at 2 months)
She learned to say coo, I cried when she first said Mommy. then out came the words: Tita, Titin, Lamie, Lola...
Then suddenly, she turns 7 months.
AND then started learning to walk..
(Coco at 10 months)
and going on road trips with moi and the family.
Then suddenly, I find this little girl, always running around:D
With her little head sprouting curls here and there
who loves to sing and dance
and make faces
.... And today, she's learned to run around the house with a new mantra. lolz
Still the baby in our family, the light of my life. I heart my little one.
Thanks baby bear for taking the old piks out, I love nostalgic Sundays!!
(At six weeks)
And God told me, the little bump is growing...
(At nine weeks)
After a few trips and some good shopping, the little bump is ready to come out! And i've learned it's a SHE. who will adore zara, shoes and dashing D!
When SHE finally did, I felt my heart leap. felt everything settle. AND I've witnessed my first miracle.
(Coco at 5 days old.)
I laugh when I first heard her giggle..
SHIVERED when I gave her her first bath, wondering how I would..
Watched her sleep, just watched her breathe..
(Coco at 2 months)
She learned to say coo, I cried when she first said Mommy. then out came the words: Tita, Titin, Lamie, Lola...
Then suddenly, she turns 7 months.
AND then started learning to walk..
(Coco at 10 months)
and going on road trips with moi and the family.
Then suddenly, I find this little girl, always running around:D
With her little head sprouting curls here and there
who loves to sing and dance
and make faces
.... And today, she's learned to run around the house with a new mantra. lolz
Still the baby in our family, the light of my life. I heart my little one.
Thanks baby bear for taking the old piks out, I love nostalgic Sundays!!
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