Blessings, Blessings. MORE Blessings

Finally, the much awaited vacation. The much awaited rest. But tonight, i'll burn the midnight candle and work on my much delayed articles. Coco's fast asleep now, got super tired from jumpin up and down, dancin all aroun in her new wayfarers. :)





I got us a pair, for the upcoming shoot. I'm not sure where we're gonna wear it since I wanted a victorian/vintage breakfast setting. BUT THEN AGAIN... I've got these bunch of ideas swimmin in my head... Thank God our photographer is such a patient man!

And so the past days have been spent sketching table settings, finding the right "props" and conceptualizing dresses, settings, accessories and yes even food! And so, when God handed over crates of mangoes, I spent two straight days in the kitchen making mango rolls, mango cakes, mango floats...












AND Of course, because i've already started baking, let's not forget the trusted chocolate cake. This time, in my most favorite pan: the heart :)



I've been baking endlessly. And as the long weekend starts tomorrow, I'm thinking of new flavors to bake.. :D What would you like?

My sister Corie shopped presents for my lil gurl. and OMG. Made me cry..

Thank you God, for giving me a sister who's really thoughtful, grounded, loving, fabulous and who loves my little girl like her own. SIGH. I miss my partner in crime!'



Tonight, I have learned that with the friends and family I have, I have everything that I could ask for. Thank you God, for the blessings. Thank you God for this kind of Love.

Love to all of you! Happy, happy Easter. Have a blessed Holy Week everyone :)

Realizations from the Oven

Why am I addicted to Baking?

For a series number of days, I have spent most of my free time in the kitchen, scribbling new recipes, trying out old ones, adding twists and reinventing a whole new line of cuppycakes. This summer, I have made it my mission to create a fruity cup line up. It started with strawberries, followed by lemon and oranges. Today, I’ve made mango cake and cups.

Mango is an overrated summer fruit here in our place. LOL. As it has always been equated to summer, spending your days at the beach without the classic mango slush or the to-die-for mango floats are major summer mistakes. Our garage is full of them, it came in boxes, in all shapes and sizes! At our local market, the pretty ones sell at P50 per kilogram.

For whatever reason, I decided to surprise cuzn T tomorrow with a big star-shaped mango cake. Of course, my lil one helped me bake it. (I’ll post piks tom, she might come across the blog and discover the surprise hihi)

Sitting here thinking about today’s slow turn of events, I have discovered that:

• Baking Powder has a one is to one ratio with Cake Flour

• Thinly slicing mango is better than finely dicing them

• Mango puree is a best alternative to the mango flavorings claiming its organic origin

• My lil one couldn’t help getting icing on her face and clothes and she couldn’t resist getting one cup from the cooling rack and I couldn’t help BEAMING.

• I love baking and cooking almost as much as I love writing

• I want a Kitchenaid for my birthday.. 

• I will one day build a house with a kitchen located at the heart.

• Life is similar to unsalted butter. It is best thawed at room temperature where it softens nice and slow, rather by heating it on a pan and turns into a pool of lard.

• My past is like the strawberry cups I made last Thursday- it’s not perfect but it’s still pretty. And my present is like the mango cake I did today, it’s almost perfect but needing more of a bit of sugar. Nonetheless, it’s by far the best I’ve made. AND my future is like the fondant cake I’m dreaming in my sleep. It’s still far way down my calendar, but I will get there. And when I do, I’ll be ready for the big world!

• That I will realize my dream to build a cupcake house. Where I could sell cupcakes with silly names like Jumping Jack, Cosmic Berry, Lemon cake instead of Lemonades, Sugar Shush….

• That I still love… baking more than anything else in this world! Well, next to Coco and next to writing.


Oh Weekends, how quickly you fly by! If I could wish for days to consist of weekends, I would make the world a one huge kitchen. AND I will host a never ending breakfast and tea parties for you my dear friends. Happy happy happy Saturday!

Baking Madness

I found a good recipe online for coco raspberry cupcakes. But since I am not a huge fan of raspberry, I might as well try it with my latest strawberries and cream.

But for now, my oven has been popping out starry cups of orange and lemon, and strawberries and cream and choco marsh cookies.. All went to Coco's post grad party :D










Today, i'm gonna try my luck on the coco icing. and hopefully, it will come out looking like this:



sigh. when baking a dozen isn't enough! Happy happy Saturday everyone! :D

Crazy Thoughts

Do other single mothers ever think about quitting singlemommiehood for even a split second? Like, for a moment, does the thought ever cross their minds?

I have been okay with the idea of staying single for the rest of my life. When I had Coco alone, I spoke to God in a real long conversation and I have accepted the idea, the fact and the whole single mommiehood thing. I know it is gonna be difficult. And I know it's gonna be one long ride too. But I never doubted it is going to be this sweet and.. sure enough, it is this rewarding.

But I get nights when I also wish I have someone who understands everything I do. everything I feel. everything in my life. SIGH. And on days when I am sooo tired from a long day's work, I also kinda wish for something like ♥.

SIGH. This is just an aftermath from D's prep wedding preps, savage garden and just like heaven reruns. URGH.

D's wedding preps excites me to the heavens though! And I feel happy that she and K has found each other cuz they really are perfect for eachother. like that you see in the movies, serendipity, sleepless in seattle, just like heaven kinda thing :D

The thought of wishing for that kinda sweetness in my single mommie life, wondering of... the idea just scares the shit out of me. The talk with T on my way home tonight made me understand that no matter how painful break ups go, we always long for that nice cup of hot choco with someone who can understand why hot choco is sweet on cold nights.

But it's nice right? omg..

I must be really tired. LOL

Proudest I have ever been...

I am proudest...


When I am with the kiddos and they give me hugs like I am the best...



When I've made great cupcakes and my lil one gives me a seal of approval...


When I am making my own yummy cake and cookie recipes...


When my Coco received her six ribbons...




When I see my Coco's nannies beaming proudly at her, with her, for her :)


When mornings come and me and my lil one spend the first hours of the day playin...




When my Coco smiles at me, like I am the best mommie ever...




I am proudest at the end of the day, and I see my lil gurl sleeping soundly. Knowing that I have done my best during the day, worked hard for my lil one, played with my lil gurl until my back hurts like crazy (lol), spent a good day in the kitchen baking goodies for my Coco... list goes on, I know!

I am proudest when at the end of any given day and the start of any given morning and my Coco tells me whole heartedly: I love you Ma.

I feel like God has given me the world and a wonderful love.

When are you the proudest?
Happy Happy Weekend.. Lotsa love :D

Cuppy Cake Song and a Smile

Awww, Me and lil one love to sing this song. A friend posted it on my FB wall to share. thanks :D

It's a good one, after baking five dozens of cupcakes and a million cookies! I hope the little ones would love them.

Makes me think of five things that made me smile today:

1. Seeing Coco's face covered in pink and orange icing.
2. Hearing Coco say "When I grow up I want to be like Mommie" Made my heart melt.
3. Finding out yogurt is a good ingredient for fruity cupcakes.
4. Seeing an old friend's note.
5. Singing Cuppy Cake Song with my lil one.

Coco's graduation will be in an hour's time! I am excited to see the kids, see Coco recite and receive her ribbons. And So excited to take pictures of my lil one graduating toddler school.

SMILE. :) The world is a beautiful place! How about you, what made you smile today?

Cupcakes in my mind

God, my eyes sting and my head hurts like crazy. I'm too excited for lil one's toddler school graduation, I'm racking my brain for the perfect cupcake recipe. And practicing in my mind how they're gonna look like. And so, i surf, i draw and i dream of cupcakes....



More cupcakes....



And some summer dress ideas for the shoot...



And a million other stuff swimming in my mind.

Like mom-daughter portraits


Flower arrangements




AND. OF COURSE, my lil one.




SIGH. I love her to pieces. And I'm soo proud of her too :D

Love to everyone, Happy happy Wednesday!

Be still my silly Heart

Be still my little heart.

The hardest thing to ever do is stay put. To keep your feet from moving and chasing the wind. To reach for the stars by flying to the moon.

The hardest thing to ever do is to be still.

When you feel that you are young and that the world is at your feet;
When you feel you have more energy and sugar high than toddlers combined;
When you feel like Superman and you can fly;

When you can dance in the rain for hours;
When you can stay awake for more than 48 hours of pure drive..

When you feel like jumping and starting anew...
When you feel like the world revolves twice faster than before.
When your child grows before your eyes and it feels that only yesterday she was just a baby.

But as everything in this world, all becomes clear when the dust settles. It is when we learn that we have grown a bit older than we are. Wiser than we'd ever admit. Stronger than before.

We realize that the answers are not in the wind. But in our hearts.

And so we begin to stay still. And watch the leaves fall and listen to the chimes sing as the wind goes by. And we watch the colors of the sky change and feel the soft hugs of our little one. And we speak with no words, cry without tears, smile without reason.

And we understand that finally, we learn what patience means.

And finally, we have come full circle.

SUCKS.

I'm not sure why I'm still awake at this ungodly hour. When all I could do is tossin, turnin, wishin for sleep... And my mind is blank, I couldn't write.

Sucks.

Thoughts from my 90 year old Grandma.

I woke up with a big bump in my forehead. Some weird dream that actually felt like it was real shook me and woke me in the middle of a real good slumber. And as usual, I woke up to old realizations and skeletons of the past.

But contrary to the usual after effects, Sunday morning was not riddled with nasty blasts from the pasts. It was a beautiful sunny one too. Early this morning Coco and I spent lounging and watching Barney, singing Mr. Sun and laughing with Dora's the Super Babies. Sometimes I feel like I'm not much older than Coco. I seem to have a crazy attachment to Barney's corny adventures. LOL

When we felt sunrise coming, we made a beeline to the kitchen and I made Banana Pancakes for breakfast. With my maple syrup running out, we settled for Sue Bee's honey and much loved strawberry preserves. And I happen to find dried apricots in our local market too.. Can you imagine the luck? Cantaloupes, papayas and some left over pizza from last night filled our morning table. And my two kids (Lola Grandma and Coco) both exclaimed: Where's my glass of milk? And our little conversations lasted well into mid morning, with me hogging cyberspace time and my lil one playing MY TURN with lola.

As I concentrated on an article, I overheard them talk and chuckled at the amazing stories they exchanged, as they sought to outdo eachother.

Coco: I like Agua.
Lola Grandma: Why do you like Aqua (from the popular primetime series)? She's almost a pushover.
Coco: Cuz she's good. BRO would be proud of her.
Lola: But if Bendita makes her away she just cries. You will just cry when someone pushes you and quarrel with you?

COCO thinks long and hard and says: NO.

Lola: okay, let's pretend I'm Bendita; "I'll get your toys Agua, I think you're not pretty."
Coco stands up and tells Lola this is her version of Agua:
"Bendita, SULOD SA CAGE, uban ila Pattie and Spots! GRRRR" (Bendita, get inside the cage with the dogs Pattie and Spots!)


OH.MY. Lola rolled off laughing. and said: That's my girl, don't ever be a pushover!

And I now understand why I was never raised to be meek. hahaha. Nuf said.

Happy Sunday my dear friends :D

Having Faith

Today, I got a surprise phone call. And this weekend will be spent contemplating, analyzing, weighing and finally deciding. And as of this moment, all I could hear is my heart pounding.

They gave me an offer that I couldn't refuse.

Last weekend, I have made up my mind and politely declined their offer. I decided I'm sticking and waiting it out. And so I called. It was quiet acceptance after they asked me for my reason for declining. Then this morning, they made a counter offer.

And I am here, racking my brain, writing the Pros and Cons. Listing down possibilities. And outlining the current vs the future. And always taking into consideration the big 30. And I couldn't make a decision yet. I want to, but not really. I kinda. but.... I will... I might.... I am stuck in a limbo.

Despite the obvious money considerations, I am listing down the things that I am considering for this decision:

1. Will I have more room for career growth?
2. Will I be able to continue writing?
3. Will I be working with a good set of people?
4. Will I be working with an institution that values my values?
5. Will due recognition be given to small achievements and more?
6. Will they cover my daughter's medical insurance?
7. Will It be better for Coco's future?

I know which decision will gain more votes. I know deep in my heart that it's a no brainer, hands down, united decision. The only reason why I am having stupid second thoughts is the fact that I have already found a good set of friends here. And maybe, I am afterall, attached to my meanie boss.

SIGH.

He's a slave driver. A perfectionist and an annoying one to boot. He says the wrong things at the wrong time and he is quick to point out mistakes and slow to give praises. But for the past two years, I have found out that he is able to see the talents and the skills of his people and able to provide recognition when deserved. And I feel proud that he was able to see potential in me. And I feel proud that T and I (and also D) get gold medals and good jobs after a long day's or week's work.

But the only thing is, it always happens too late. Mine came a year later.

And if I wait it out for another year, will I be able to live the life that I want before I reach my 3-0? Or Would I still be working two, three jobs and feel tired when I reach my half century?

And so, the dice is tossed.

Help me God discern what is best. I cannot make this decision based on my own understanding. There must be a bigger and better reason for choosing a path, and I can't see the signs. I don't see anything clearer than what I see now.

So all I really could do is have faith. Just have faith.

BLACK OUT

My words have left me for two weeks already. I am out of sync. Tired. Lazy. Unproductive. I have lots of paper work pending and I feel almost useless. Oh my.

I sat for a full two hours last night, staring at my monitor, trying to figure out how to begin. And all I could write was a few measly words starting with The, If and Before. It's almost frustrating.

I have been writing since forever and I have never had a dry spell lasting more than a few days. I get to wake up in the middle of the night with my heart pounding, cuz I suddenly remembered that I have a thousand late articles. My employer is going to shot me down soooooon. OH MY.

And so, I am worrying now. And even if I had multiple word docs opened already, the words still escape me. I will be writing every little thought down, in the hopes that I would snap out of this interruption and return to my effin life.

Lord, let me write about my articles. I badly need inspiration.

Oh MY.

I wish for Summer already

Did I tell you I was able to book my little girl for her first pro photo shoot?? I DID. And I think he is one of the best photographers here too. I was thinking of not thinking too much about this. But every single time I see some dress, or come up with another crazy idea, or see my lil gurl I could just not help but think about it!

Obviously, I am more excited than my Coco is. It's going to be a mother-daughter portrait. And it's gonna be funky too. My neices and nephew are going to be in the shoot too, and I already have a good place in mind. :D What's more, I kinda like it to be something like an RL add. LOL.

I KNOW!

So for this Summer, this is one of my most favorite, looking forward thoughts.

If you got great ideas for this event, let me know!! :D

HATE BLOG. Venting. Venting

I was so pissed today that on my way home, I was thinking of all the things that I was going to rant about. But now that I have had my dinner (YES I ATE DINNER AND BROKE MY WEIGHT LOSS PROGRAM) I felt well, UN-pissed. lol Not Really.

I am bitchy, I never denied that. And I will make it a point to make your life a living hell if you even think of backbiting me and making UNREASONABLE side comments about me, for me, at me. I know, for a freaking fact, that I absolutely do not give a shit about what your idea of PROPER is. Cuz i'm not sure if you know what proper means. So might as well piss off and roll over!

WHEW. Finally I said it!! Now, I feeel sooooo muccccchhhh bettttttter!

As much as I wanted to fill my blog of happy, positive thoughts, sometimes, this just gets you. Sometimes, I just reach the point that I have had enough of these mindless, useless crap. I am human, and admittedly a very sarcastic, CHURVA one too. I am like this since I was born into this world, I don't fight my nature. LOL I know my strengths. And I revel on my talents. I am outspoken and I am opinionated.

If you can't handle what I have to say, don't ask. Don't even attempt to make comments baiting confrontations. If you hate that I do well, then by all means, DO WELL YOURSELF. I am soooo busy with my career plans that I suggest you do the same with yours. Maybe you'll get a raise or something! If you hate that I have pretty friends, then by all means, CONVINCE yourself that your crowd composes more than the corpse bride. If you hate us so much, get yourself some much needed spinach and cut us to pieces. LOL Maybe you'll get the much needed action you so badly crave.

In other words, don't go wasting people's time by your drama! It's so effin draining! and so annoying! Don't you think we are too old for this mean girls drama??

But if that's what you wish, then I guess, Mean Girls will always be Mean Girls.

RUN FOR COVER! The show is about to start.

L A Z Y

I have been L A Z Y. I woke up late (7AM), took a really long breakfast, did my cardio and took a really long lunch with my family. And I fell asleep. I just woke up from a really bad dream.

And my whole day was spent just lounging around. Coco's toys are scattered about, some of the cake slices were still on the table, my laundry is still unfolded, my article is half baked. and tomorrow is already Monday. sigh.

Where has my weekend gone? LOL.

I need some sort of inspiration to be able to write about pet friendly hotels. As of the moment, I am stuck with the vision of Elle Woods walking into some upscale hotel, demanding just the best for her lil pooch. And i get to think if it's just really in the movies. Or if it happens in real life.

And so, as I sit here staring at you, I know I should stop thinking other thoughts. And stop worrying, strategizing, thinking, whatever... As D said, believe in the power of choice! ugh. the crystal ball is haunting me.

Making me go through useless sleepless nights again.

Oh, it's Coco's baccalaureate mass tom. My lil gurl is graduating from toddler school. LOL. well, she's taking part of it. I need to iron her lovely dress.. :D

I'm so excited for my lil one!

Weight Loss Mission

Today is the start of weight loss program. Oh yes, you read it right!

I am positively serious about this! And so when I woke up to the smell of champorado and lechon paksiw, I could only sigh and wonder if I could ever lose enough weight in this household.

But no, I should not be deterred. I would take my daily exercise schedule and stick to my sensible diet of absolutely no rice. (Oh gosh) And so, I watched my lil one eat a bit of that champorado and I asked for a kidde bowl for my share too. Manang looked at me like I'm still having a bad dream. But I said I am serious about cutting down rice. And she shrugged and told me I'll snap out of it before the week ends.

Before I do, I'm listing my motivation for this weight loss program:

* Summer is here, I want to wear that swimwear!!
* Lil one is scheduled to have her first professional photo shoot soon, and If i wanna be included, I should absolutely lose weight!
* Only fit legs are worthy to wear minis. I just bought a really expensive white one!! And the boutique has a no return no exchange policy! lol
* I wanna wear clogs, and if I weigh this much, i'd look too desperate.
* I don't wanna have cancer. And regular trips to the loo should be practiced. And with this, I get to lose weight too!
* Coco's birthday party will be a swimming party. And it will require beautiful swim wears!


And so, I resolve to make use of my treadmill and burn that fat!!

Weigh In: 1** lbs. :D By end of March, I should be 105. LOL!

Happy, healthy, beautiful summer!

I shouldn't have.....

When I got back from my Rio lunch, I saw my friend who brought her crystal ball with her. And even if I counted six months since I have last taken a peek, I asked her if i could sit a while. And so, when curiosity killed the cat, mine took my heart and threw it to the dogs.

Yes, she told me I am now happy (THAT, i am sure I know). And that I have become stronger (THIS too). Last year, when we met she told me I was happy but I worried a lot. And I had a bunch of negative vibes hidden in my pockets, all peeking out, all struggling to be freed and with which I unconsciously did. But today, she said, I am different. Shining happy yellow aura so to speak.

And so, I listened. I listened to her telling me that I have come full circle. And that I have finally learned the things that I cannot change (me, myself and I) and that I will find someone who will change for me (LOL).

And she told me how the triangle was drawn, completing the three things in my life. And though a part of the third point is still a wait and see game, i could not help but chuckle on the sheer impossibility of the idea.

But what stuck most are the words she let go, that spelled past and future merging. And that the simple will be achieved when the difficult finally recedes. Keep your heart strong, she says.

And I said in my mind: It isn't really as strong as I'd like it to be.

So here I am, trying to replay everything, thinking, understanding and replaying the words she said, hoping that I get to see a bit of a clearer picture. I should have never asked.

I should have never taken a peek into the crystal ball. I heard what I knew deep down, but I din't want to be said. Sigh.

Chasing the Wind.

I have been chasing the wind for years. And I have chased him not because I love the chase. But because I love the feeling of feeling the wind on my face.

I have often been told that life spent continually chasing is almost an empty life. Because in chasing winds, comes chasing time. And in the middle of all this run, we forget to pause for a moment and re-think the important things in our lives.

But this is what writing is for, right?

I am a single mother. And I live to chase my dreams to build the dreams of my little one. I live to chase my wind. So my daughter could one day chase hers. I live everyday like it's a 28 hour life because I want to retire with days spent like there is only breakfast, tea and dinner. I chase the wind now, because I can. And you should too.

And, Writing will document all the races I will participate in. Some of my friends claim they're too lazy to do this kind of chase. Too tired. Too something. That they'd rather watch me chase. And tell me how I look exactly chasing mine.

They are good people, chasing but now knowing. They too are chasing their own winds. Just too stubborn to realize or acknowledge the fact that they too are in their own race. And we just incline to say, we are merely on the viewing deck, watching cars pass us by.

Tomorrow, the north wind will take me to the top. So I could get a better view of things happening in my life. And tomorrow morning when I wake up, with my hot cup of choco and my endless quest for stringing words together, I will spend five long minutes of just taking it all in. And wishing on the last good morning star.

One day, I will find that someone who will chase the wind with me. Don't worry, for the first time, I am not in a hurry.

Ramblings, ramblings... blah blah blah

What I hate about getting up in the middle of the night, is waking up with nothing to write. I know, I have a lot of material that needs to be completed. But my mind isn't working. My heart is somewhere else... I wanna write about something else.

BUT. I am writing down ten random facts bout me that you probably don't know. For whaever purpose, I am not sooo sure.

1. I lurve munching on ice cubes in the middle of the night.
2. I am a very prayerful person, and I cannot leave the house, ride a plane or go somewhere without my "prayer pouch".
3. I hate cold showers.
4. I absolutely adore the first ray of the morning sun. But I am not a morning person. I am grouchy in the mornings especially if I don't like you.
5. Retail therapy is the best therapy for me. I live for the day that I'll go binge shopping with my lil one!
6. I hate people with loud mouths. Talk loud. Chew loud. Sing loud. They remind me of that 90's show that features bad etiquette. Horrendous.
7. I cry easily: when watching sad movies, happy movies, scary movies. lol
8. I love lil gifts that come from your heart. I am not all out for ZARA and GUCCI. But if you decide to give me one, I don't decline. lol
9. I am a big fan of Ally Mcbeal. And I will never get tired of watching their reruns.
10. I have been writing since I was 6 years old: When blogging used to be called Dear Diary.

And so, before I doze off on my FB watching the never ending updates of whatever via recent feed, I will squeeze my brain for some much needed article. I will not go outside and smoke to write. But I will go outside to star gaze. It is a lovely, cold night with a million stars blanketing the world.

My baby bear is fast asleep, must be dreaming of the thousand princess and the frog stories we told before going to bed.

Good Night everyone, back to work.

CHIC and Fabulous in my mind ♥

Why do I dream of a floral dress?

I'm loving the idea of flowers on my dress, on my flats, on my bag.. And I know I really don't have anywhere else to go except grocery and pedia, and well, work, I am not sure where I could wear the dress that has been occupying my thoughts for weeks. LOL. And I kinda think dressing up for WHAT, never mind the WHO, is the biggest question that I need to answer.

BUT I do miss dressing up. I miss going out all made up and all chic. I miss my movie nights/coffee/dinner nights. I miss shopping for something other than jeans, shorts and plain tees. I miss shopping, period.

And unlike my so many other questions and realizations, I don't have a ready answer for this one. I may have an idea of how this rambling is gonna end, but NO. lol. I'm not gonna say it and I'm not gonna even think about it.

SIGH. I made sketches of the summer dresses I'm gonna have made for my lil girl and moi. It has always been my mission to have matching dresses with my lil one. And i'm sketching fast before she grows up and tells me it's utterly BADUY. Thank God for toddler years! :D I'll post us in matching dresses soon, when my dressmaker has whipped up her magic once again.

Stay chic my friends. :D Life is too short to be wasted on fashion suicide!

(googled image)

Don't take it sitting down!

I will never get used to it. No matter how much I remind myself of the scheduled power interruptions, I will never grow to make it part of our routine! And I will never get used to corruption, mindless politics and unceasing media circus!

Few weeks back, I come home to my little girl playing, and we get to spend some good quality time together before hitting the bed for a good night story. Now with the black outs, humidity and utter paralysis of life, I arrive to see my baby trying hard to sleep and her nanny religiously keeping her cool.

Before we know it, we are going to have water shortage, food shortage and surely, "patience" shortage. But are we ever gonna have shortage on politics, corruption and senseless wasting??

This morning, some V-presidential candidate roamed around the city for a stint of his campaign. Personally, I am inclined to cast my vote for this guy, hoping that he could bring discipline to the little streets of Cagayan. Sometimes, what we all need is some iron hand to get things straightened. Because we all have visions; We all have dreams and goals. But not all of us have the discipline to follow through.

And so, with the realization that this power shortage, food shortage, environmental catastrophic events will come one after another, me and my little family have come up of a few home energy saving scheme and some earth friendly resolutions to pitch in mother's nature's healing:

* Turn off the lights when no one is around
* Schedule Barney shows! and give up the gossip filled prime-times
* Go online only when absolutely necessary (gasp!)
* RECYCLE!! We have consistently adhered to the bote't dyaryo at lata practice
* Iron clothes only when needed
* Always, always defrost your freezer to maximize coolness of the fridge
* Stop using styros
* Do groceries on Wednesdays when the Green Bag policy holds true
* Save every drop of water!! Use the pail for car washing (Seriously!)
* Quit Smoking (to reduce waste, air pollution and yes, promote health and wellness!)
* minimize take outs, and minimize tech waste. Let's go for rechargeable batteries. And candles too! :D

Please, let's just stop the debate whether we should be giving our president additional power to solve the energy crisis in Mindanao. Because while we are arguing over this, our energy source is slowly depleting. And sooner, if not later, our days will consist of more than 5 hour power black-outs. Imagine the life our children will lead.

Taking a step to change our country and to solve global problems can be made today- by each one of us. As this crisis does not lie on the hands of one person. It is in every one's.

Good Night Mr. Moon, I had an awesome weekend.

When I tuck Coco in, we usually talk about the day's events and recount the new things she learned today and point out our favorites. And as we sang lullabies tonight, she told me she likes Didi from American Idol and went on to render her own version of what's the song. And she tells me firmly: I want to be a singer when I grow up. And I gotta atdmit, Coco sings way better than I do! (i really can't sing at all!)

And as Coco starts sleeping soundly, I recount my Coco highlights of the week. I had a few of Coco antics and Coco funny moments when she started feeling better. And because of these moments, I found myself actually laughing honestly:

1. Coco learning role playing and pretending to be Jesus. Imagine her, in white pajamas, white sando, curly hair and big tummy with her Barney blanket around her waist and her arms outstretched. I found it real funny, albeit, it was a bit disrespectful in retrospect. But I don't think Jesus would mind, after all, it was not a mockery. If she wasn't the one kneeling to pray, she was Bro listening to our prayers. ")

2. Coco wrapping my towel around her and holding in her outstretched arms the latest falshlight we bought and exclaiming: Darna. Oh. Huge Pause. Superman. Then she frowns, thinks for a moment and exclaims: Ako si Dragona! (oh my, where on earth did she learn that? WHO IS DRAGONA???!)

3. At lunch, when we were still at the table discussing stuff and all, Coco went to play with her yaya. And they both started singing: Apir Tayo, Sumakit Ulo Ko.. (Sexbomb song! OMG!!! I totally wanna wring the nanny's neck)

4. This morning when I was busy working on my articles, Coco takes out her laptop and mimics my actions. She tells her favorite doll Dora, to shush, cuz she's working. I pretended to be engrossed with what I was doing, keeping one eye open and one ear alert, and I saw and heard Coco: "Busy ko Dora ha, don't disturb. Ngita ko money. Later na ta magplay." LOL

5. As I was coming out from the shower, I heard Coco barking orders at our yaya. She was giving out instructions on what to have for lunch and what medicines to give Dora. I peeked out to see Coco (to my utter amazement) in my bank's skirt uniform, my black flats, her dora sling bag and giving out orders like I do. The clincher: Dali na Inday kai late nasad ko ani. LOL Oh my Gawd, do I sound like that every freakin morning???

I know that this has got to be the best form of flattery. AND finding my little girl acting like me is downright funny. But a bit scary too. LOL wake up call for me though, sometimes, the mommy guilt takes over. I might be working too much and working too hard that I often mistake Coco's play time to be work time.

I've read somewhere that it's the single parent's syndrome. Wherein we solo parents overcompensate the other's absence by providing too much, loving too much, protecting too much, working too much.. But well, I guess too much may be better than too less.

Happy Sunday everyone, workweek starts in a few hours. Cherish the weekends with your little ones and the rest of the great family.

xoxo!

Worries vs Happy Thoughts.

Why does my two year old kid act like a brat sometimes? Why do I keep on repeating things for people to understand? Why is our world full of skeptics, pessimists and angry people? Will I ever get rid of the habit of worrying? Where would we be five years from now? Will I be able to send Coco to a good school? Would I be able to meet my boss’ deadline? Will I continue writing until my fingers have grown numb from arthritis and old age? Would painting my toenails red be better than painting them bottle green? Until when are we going to suffer from these daily black outs? When will we realize that loving is never measured, for it is meant to be unconditional? What if I can’t raise the money? What if I don’t get into the training by next week? What if? What if? What if?

On a usual weekend, my mind continually goes on about the many worries my little heart holds. And instead of actually worrying them, I’m writing them down. My mind never stops working, and I’m thankful for that. For where would I be if I would stop thinking for even just a second? Ugh.

And so, after writing my worries down, I resolve to think only about happy thoughts. About things I look forward to this year, of the plans I draw for me and my little girl and for the little things that bring joy to my everyday existence. And so, here goes my happy thoughts for the week and the weeks therafter.

Coco snoring.
Red toenails.
Sunday Lunch with my family.
My sister gathering the courage to push through with her panel interview.
Writing endlessly about a number of keywords.
Hot chocolate.
Pineapples.
Adobo spareribs.
AC working.
Puppies.
Cakes.
Coco Shopping for toys and clothes.
New juicer and that beautiful Bulova watch.
Swimming.
Coco’s third birthday with Dora, Barney and the Disney Princesses.
A possible raise.
Gift Certificates.
Educational Plans.
Canada.
Ocean Park.
Christmas.
July, August and September.. wheee!
D’s bridal shower, wedding and more.
Writing projects.
Articles, articles, articles.
Blogging.
Making picture frames and postcards.
Baking cupcakes, tarts and more pineapple squares.
Balloons.
Flowers in full bloom.
Praying sincerely and whole-heartedly
Love. Love. Love.
That made me feel so much better. Anticipating the best and praying for God to help us with the rest is the best way over worrying much. And so, for this month of March, I resolve to lessen the worrying and increase the praying.

Keep the faith, everyone. Life is wonderful when we place it in our Father’s hands.

Solo Parenting

A week without writing was a week of stress. Coco came down with colds on Monday and has been wheezing the following days. For a moment, I've almost given up the facade and finally cave in to stress, worry, pressure and just exclaim I can't do this alone. But thankfully, I managed just beautifully :D

I knew being a single parent is not easy. But I never really imagined it is this difficult. On nights when I spent every moment checking on Coco's temperature and giving her sponge baths and preparing her medicines and nebules,and just watching her sleep, I could not help but feel well, really, scarily, alone. I spent the last few days awake, with only a few hours each night of sleep and fewer rest. I had to report the following morning, just because I really can't call in sick- My boss was here for the week. But spent most of the banking hours racking up phone bills checking on Coco and her nannies and bringing Coco to her pulmo-pedia in between lunch breaks.

At night, I couldn't get a shut eye, even if my body wanted badly to rest, simply because I wanted and needed to watch over my lil gurl.

It's hard, I know. But I know there is no one else in this world who is cut out to take care of my lil bear, better than I could. No matter how tired I am, after a long day's work, I would always tell her nanny to tidy up and allow me to take over. It's just a mother thing. No matter how full my days are, Coco will always move the rest down. She isn't a mere To Do. She is my everything.

And so I told myself, I will sleep when weekend comes. And I did sleep last night. A full six-hour slumber and slept half the day away too. Because finally my body exclaimed TIRED and raised a white flag: I too am now down with flu. I'm feeling so much better now though, I asked Manang to come over to give me a traditional Filipino massage. And downed litres of calamansi juice to keep the flu from turning to Zithromax.

And so tonight, I am back to writing. And I am back to having a couple of hours of me time. And my little girl is back to watching and dancing to Barney songs. She's way better now, thank you God for nebulizers. And i feel once again, that yes, I can do this alone.

Single parenting isn't always summery sunshine, and it may be a good challenge for the tough ones. But for all it's worth, I just wouldn't have it any other way either.

I love you Cocobear. It's such a relief to hear your snoring instead of wheezing! :D