24 Squared.

I've had the craziest 48 hours! It was running around, jumping up and down, doing cartwheels and chasing the wind in every crammed minute of the day. And I don't know why I just couldn't get myself to sleep just yet.

I feel like, no, not just yet :) Sleep may come too soon, but not soon enough I hope.

Over the 48 hours i've learned that:

I love my friends to death (I KNOW, for the nth time)
My friends love Coco to pieces too (I KNOW :D)
I still love red slippers that scream Floral
I really love really love really love really love shopping and dining out and I deserve such every once in a while LOLZ
I can make mini flags for a sportsevent and teach lil one alternate colors and discover she can count 1-25 without batting an eyelash
Lil one and I love Barbie. and dressing her up and playing pretend.
I need sleep to lose the one big acne (eew);
I do a lot of juggling;
I've learned how it is to have papparazi/celebrity moments;
I can function 101% despite the fact that I've had less than 8 hours of sleep for a straight 3 days.

But for tonight, I'll cut my writing short. close emails. turn off the mobile.

I seriously need, I seriously want. I seriously will sleep a good night slumber.

I heart You August, You've been a crazy happy ride.

What a Sad State our Nation has Come to.

How can we say with head held high that our country is worth a hundred dollar trip? It saddens the whole nation to watch the hostage drama take place, watch and do nothing, listen to the media and ask how could anyone understand any logic in the act? It saddens me to watch and listen to foreigners shaking their heads and looking down in disgust as if the whole nation and the entire Filipino race deserved to be held accountable.

Apart from the international blacklist that this country is gonna get, there abounds a cloud of doubt whether our leaders could handle a bigger crisis than this? Local police and government were actively seen and participating in the negotiations, but in my own personal opinion, the crisis would have merited an audience from the higher ups.

No, It wasn't just about giving in to the whims of a troubled man. He was a police officer, a disgruntled and irrational one too. He was dismissed from his post over a year ago. He had a gun and held his hostages by the neck. If he was not worthy of any attention, then at least the victims deserved no less than the attention of the president of this country.

Don't you get to think, if foreigners on a week-long vacation could not be properly secured, will our nation be safe from these kinda threats? If it were a busload of Filipino Children, would the president still send his Secretary of what-child affairs to communicate? If what happened was considered a national tragedy, why can't we feel the remorse from our government, from the PNP?

If it were anyone else, happened anywhere else in the world, would have it ended differently? Or if our country had Jack Bauer as President, would the crisis have been handled differently?

If we think about answering YES, then what a sorry state our nation has come to.

roadblocks

I've had butterflies in my stomach the whole weekend. And it's knowing that this week is gonna be one helluva roller coaster ride sure doesn't make the uneasiness go away.
I know that when a decision is formed, there is no more turning back. And more often than not, I know when I have already decided.

The top considerations remain, if the conditions are met then there should be no other road block right?

Right.

Learning.. to love red.

Been running all around, shaking deals and making things happen. Hopping from one point to the next, I've thought about shrugging tiredness off my shoulders.

But sometimes, it just gets to you. I slept most of the day. With my eyes still stinging and my head spinning, i've spent a lot of the day watching princess stories with lil one and reading stories from her new book too.

I ate a lot of Durian, baked a lot of cheese cupcakes and drank a bunch of Guyabano shake.

BUT most importantly, this weekend, i discovered a lot about myself.

1. I've learned that I can do things I only dreamed of doing.
2. I am stronger than I repeatedly tell myself.
3. I love the taste of durian.
4. I can last for 48 hours without sleep or rest.
5. I can set aside my personal issues. lol
6. I have matured more than I have hoped for.
7. I have learned to turn a cheek when I am rained with hurtful words.
8. I understand that the world does not revolve around me.
9. I have learned to live with the fact that some actions entail a lifetime consequence and have accepted that with the whole of my heart.
and
10. I am on the right track in raising a beautiful daughter.

and oh, i found the perfect pair of red shoes. and writing about chickens and anti-aging creams. lolz perfect!

just ONE more.

What are we ever gonna do if we lose all that hope?

If we lose all things including that one that keeps us going?

Where are we gonna go if we ever stop dreaming?

If we stop believing and thinking of better things?

How are we gonna stay afloat when we look at the sky and see nothing but vast darkness?

If we don't believe that one day stars will shine again, brighter than the sun?

When will we ever learn that it's that one thought that will keep us going.

keep us hanging on.

keep us sane.

All of us will always have that one wish, one prayer, one lifeline.

All of us will always be thankful for one more day. one more minute.

One more shot in making life more.

All we need is just one more.

just that one little thing.........
**********************************************************************************
Have finally finished re-reading Amy Tan's The Hundred Secret Senses. AND it's worth the all nighter, as always.

"You can't stop young girls from wishing. No! Everyone must dream. We dream to give ourselves hope.To stop ourselves from dreaming- well, that's like saying you can never change your fate. Isn't that true?"- Kwan, The Hundred Secret Senses

If we have reached the kind of happiness we only once dreamed, it's because we hang on to that dream tighter than we ever realize. But even if we already are, we dream for the future. and we wish for the people around us. Wish for them. Be happy for them.

And if we shoot down other people's dreams, just because we think they bear no logic, then we are no better than the old wives that blamed unhappiness to fate.

Stumble if you must, but go for the climb. It is by climbing that Young Girl's Wish that we discover how bittersweet our lives can get.

NEVER stop wishing! :)

Thank You!

Thank you for a beautiful day, little one truly enjoyed her birthday celebrations. The moment I walked into her school with a bunch of balloons and a birthday cake, you could hear her squeal and laugh in delight.

It's just priceless.













Stay sweet little one, you're one of the few persons I know who has a really big heart and a beautiful soul.

Much love.

I heart Coco

I have always lived organizing events for everyone. I loved throwing small parties, organizing a dinner, plays, competitions, a bake sale, a kid's party....... ack. my eyes sting from lack of sleep (6 hours of sleep is already LACK of sleep for me).

Lil One turns three today and I have stayed up most of the night going over the minute details of her school party. I know, it's not grand, but I want it to be perfect. I've run through the sequence of events and my checklist with everyone and repeatedly tell myself that everything is covered.

Then why the hell can't I sleep? I can't even write straight. I'm so excited, I want lil girl to come wake up already so we can start the day's events. lol

The other night, she wanted to play dress up- with which I happily indulged her. She even wanted to take the cam out, with her headband, shades and all. AND she was choreographing her poses herself and telling me how to to do it too. LOL and in the middle of everything, it just hit me. She's growing up too fast in front of my eyes! My lil one is no longer a baby.

AND I said: Don't grow up too fast, Co.

She didn't seem to hear me though, she was busy arranging and re-arranging her dress. Sometimes, you just wanna hang on to that kinda moment, wishing it's always gonna be like that forever. She'll always be a baby for me, I know.

Everyday, I live for those little hugs and the crazy laughter and fun that we share. Has it really been three years? TIME flies so fast! And as we welcome this new chapter, I'm crossing my fingers that it's gonna be filled with more of those kinda moments and a lot of happy times.

HUGS, I love you lil girl.

Slacking in between Panic

I have been a total slack.

As if my birthday warranted a week of no brain activity, I spent the whole week in total laziness - lazing around with little one too. But I spent my whole weekend with Cocobear. Just pushing crayons and planning her little party.

Today, we spent the first half of the morning packing little mermaid loot bags and finding more goodies to make it brimming full. We both have always believed that it's good luck to share treats on your birthday.

And so, we placed crayons, pencils, sharpeners, toy fishes and bubbles along with wafers, lollipops and jellyaces. AND lil one gave me a high five when lined them up ready to be boxed.

I suddenly remember that I still need to book the balloons and the cake and take a last minute trip to the grocery for additional spag. AND I remind myself that the party is not until the end of the week! SIGH.

What I love most about her birthday party this year is that Coco has a big hand in everything. She helped arrange, organize and has also taken the time to go through the details of the event. She really is as excited as I am. :)

Tomorrow, my lil one's birthday week starts. AND I have managed to stash a lil suprise for her every day until she turns three.

AND as they say in UK, I wish her many happy returns! :)

Love Love,
Mommie

Much L O V E

By far, this has been the best birthday I've had. No words can aptly describe how truly happy, how truly blessed and how absolutely thankful I am for the beautiful people that surround me and lil one, for the love they give, for the unconditional friendship.... for everything.

From the bottom of my heart, thank you so much. It is very much appreciated.















My friends surprised me with a lovely bouquet and a good lunch and my good friend D created a clip for me too, with friendship captured in snapshots, moments frozen in 5x5s and a note from my only lil sis C. AND I cried. My heart was truly happy. truly thankful for these kinda friendships, these kinda relationships.

I guess, I really could be and am forever a loyal friend, a loving mother and sister and now, certainly a better person than I was 3 years ago.

Somewhere along the road, a few years past, I guess I must have done something right, to have these in my life now.

I don't need much, don't need the world. Just a handful precious and I am at peace.

What a bliss.

Cheers to a beatiful year ahead. :D

I wish....

........... for more of these.











And endless moments such as these...







But as it is, I am already more than thankful

Shots from the lonely bar

What I hate more than finding my ice cubes tray empty is waking up in the middle of the night from a real bad dream. BAD Like waking up with tears and a heavy heart. And not being able to sleep back.

I know I have a lot to be thankful for, and I have more than my share of everything blissful. But for a moment there, in the middle of some crazy dream, everything felt weird. Like a shark eating my heart.

In a lonely bar, with coldplay playing and a half of a shot tequila. Thinking about nothing, feeling too much. and a lot of rain pouring outside. unthinkably agonizing heartbreak.

Then I woke up with my lil one snoring beside me. AND my heart beating furiously. not really. more like, from melancholy. or worse.

It doesn't happen often but when it does, it just sinks everything.

But what could be better? Me with white hair, sitting on a wicker chair knitting rags or me with white hair, sitting on a bar, downing shots of tequila?

This must be age woes. OR an onset of a midlife crisis. LOL. crazy ass idea.