Mornings with Dishwalla

Everyone has a series of hats to wear, different roles to play and sometimes, shifting from one role to the other comes too naturally, it feels like everything is integrated. Like, I am a mother, an employee, a writer, a struggling entrepreneur, a friend, a sister, a daughter.. the list goes on. And as I sit here for the first time in a really long time, just listening to dishwalla play, I never felt so serene in my entire life.

Although things are almost perfect, getting better as day goes by, there's just one of those days.

it's one of those mornings. I know :( Sometimes, it just really gets to me.

I miss my little one. When I called her last night to tuck her to bed, she said: Come home ma, here at our house. And I felt my heart break and I wanted to throw it to EDSA traffic.

What would I give to have her here too. What would I give to go back to her arms in an instant. What would I give to breeze through business and fly back soonest.

And before I leave for work, I reloaded my dishwalla playlist and put on a pretty smile.

Life isn't sooo bad :)

zzzzz

it's always crazy to wake up in the middle of the night. I find it soo hard to sleep back. In this unfamiliar bed, and in a not so familiar anymore city, it just kinda feels like floating in the air.

A few years back, this was home. Now, as I stare at the lights 20 floors below and listen to the noise down, it doesn't feel familiar anymore. More like, close to strange even.

There are old friends to meet, new places to see, new things to try. In a really short span of time, it feels like I need to cram so much into a period of twenty-four hours. But now? I just feel like going back home.

Maybe it's just being homesick, I miss it terribly.

I met with Tita O earlier this day, still at Gb, for a bit of brunch and midday coffee and for lots of stories and some shopping. It was like before, years before, when I had to wake up after a drowsy night out. Only this time, everything about me is different.

Or maybe, things have really changed.

I used to love the place so much. in awe of the lights. in love with the noise and the chaos. I remember loving walking the streets of A, just walking, because I loved the feeling of being lost in the crowd.

But now, it just feels empty. Like the place makes me feel lonely...

I dream of my lil girl's hugs. and the early morning breakfasts with my lil one with tea and coffee and lola's chatter. I dream of getting back to my old school laid back home town (like right now) and sleeping in my really soft and comfortable bed.

I guess, when you find home, there's just nothing else out there.

And the peace in my heart, it's all there in the lil place called house in the corner.

Talking in Riddles

A part of me wishes that there will no longer be talks in riddles because frankly, it's become quite frustrating. And so, I built more and learned to shake things off. It's a good thing because as quickly as I feel, I forget.

And then.

And I sit here with the early morning sun, thinking of more but not really and I find myself talking in riddles too. It's not everyday that we get to admit or tell ourselves what or how things are.

Sometimes, you just get lost in the maze of emotions and everyday things that come rolling in.

If we were younger, things would be so simple. We don't overanalyze, we don't do much. But we are happy.

Can we still be happy now? Only when we learn to let go and jump in.

Fixed like Brand New

We got her the castle, complete with a horse-drawn carriage, a swing and a bride and groom. And she loved it.

And i'm proud of her.

Watching her assemble the pieces and play with the princess and the prince, playing the music box over and over makes me think of the THE Riddle.
*****

There was a man back in '95
Whose heart ran out of summers
But before he died, I asked him
?Wait, what's the sense in life?
Come over me, Come over me?

He said, "Son why you got to sing that tune?
Catch a Dylan song or some eclipse of the moon?
Let an angel swing and make you swoon
Then you will see, you will see"

Then he said, "Here's a riddle for you
Find the answer: There's a reason for the word
You and I"

Picked up my kid from school today
Did you learn anything? ?Cause in the world today
You can't live in a castle far away
Now talk to me, come talk to me

He said, "Dad I'm big, but we're smaller than small
In the scheme of things, well we're nothing at all
Still every mother's child sings a lonely song
So play with me, come play with me"

?And hey Dad, here's a riddle for you
Find the answer: There's a reason for the word
You and I?

I said, "Son for all I've told you
When you get right down to the
Reason for the word who am I?"

There are secrets that we still have left to find
There have been mysteries from the beginning of time
There are answers we're not wise enough to see
He said, ?You looking for a clue? I love you free?

The batter swings and the summer flies
As I look into my angel's eyes
A song plays on while the moon is hiding over me
Something comes over me

I guess we're big and I guess we're small
If you think about it man you know we got it all
'Cause we're all we got on this bouncing ball
And I love you free, I love you freely

Here's a riddle for you
Find the answer: There's a reason for the word
You and I

*******

Sometimes,questions like these and revelations as these make you feel, well, less frightened. Last post, I asked myself if it's really possible to get fixed when everything is just so broken. And with soul mate or not, yeah I guess we can be!

I know, we all know, it's because of lil One. She holds the light that led me out of the tunnel. She fixed me without even knowing it.

And I guess, she's my reason for the word You and I.

S oul Ma t e S?

Do you believe in soulmates?

I can't believe it, but I do. I've seen so many couples come together like a force drawing two people together and matching their hearts, like broken puzzle pieces, getting fixed, becoming complete. i've seen two people losing a lot only to gain something much more. And just like all the other ironies in life, I haven't met mine but I believe in the concept.

My best friend Y has found hers. And the only funny thing about it is that they have been beating around the bush to actually make things happen. I don't pretend to know or even understand why things are the way they are. When she told me, asked me, I can only say 'I believe you' because for the life of me, I don't really get it.

I'm not sure if it's like that Coldplay song, Fix You, when tears come streaming down your face... when you love someone and it goes to waste.. could it be worse?
or that Colby Caillat's Lucky.

Maybe, if soul mates really exist, I hope that Y's prayer will be heard. Sometimes, I know and I feel like it's not gonna happen. If soul mates exist, maybe mine died ten lifetimes ago and has decided to stay dead. lolz

But one day, i'll fully understand what serendipity means. Like, the way you guys do.
I can't explain it, but I do believe in soul mates.

Nothing

Words swimming in my brain, a cup of coffee in one hand and a cig on the other, I find it strange I have not written something for the last two weeks. I know, when a lot of things happen, the time to chronicle such events and emotions seem to fly away with everything else.

I swear.

I need a break, and today, I'm taking one with little one.

I'm done with the drama, it took me three years to find this kind of peace of mind. I'm not sure if any amount would ever justify me bringing myself back into a sea of well, chaos.

And, oh, i'm flying to M soon. I'm super excited I can smell Zara and Dashing Diva in a mile. Words cannot convey how truly, positively excited I am :)

Happy Long Weekend!