Tranquility in a Bottle

One of the things I promised to do this year was to go on long drives, just to soak in the sun and the view.

So, Today, we went out early to one of the most peaceful places we know.

 Me and my cousins have always been water babies-- yet ironically, I never really learned how to swim beautifully. But i have always loved the ocean. Loved the breeze and the sun. And the tranquility of the surroundings. The sea  always manages to throw with the waves the clarity and the calmness this mind..

this heart.. badly needs.

As me and little gurl dipped our bare feet in the cold salt water, I couldn't help feeling the need to bottle this moment in a jar. 

Wrap my head around this perfect moment.

Shake some sense into my head by etching THIS moment into my sanity.

So I wished, if I can stay in this place for a moment longer.

Not think about things.

Not go back to my usual daily routine.

Not just yet.

As always, I've managed to screw things up-- not entirely, just a bit. 

Rock the boat, just as things are going realllllly okay.

And it irritates me how I keep doing this.

Just this time, I can't even put logic into anything.

Today, I woke up with a million questions.

With a hundred more anticipations.

A few from the years before. 

More from my now.

And about a thousand more about tomorrow.

And what's weird is that I am not even making an effort to think some things over.

Maybe because I have already figured it all out.

Just that, what I feel and what I think, are two different things.

Two different worlds.

Two different sides.

And I'm not ready to take a stand just yet.

When We are Hurt Most

Sad news greeted me this morning. And I felt my heart breaking for a friend. Some days, we just get to cry with them; some days we get to do it afar and cry and say prayers for them.

I met M in my first days in Elbi. Me and V met her at the Infirmary, we were all scheduled the same day to undergo the medical exams. The university figured, since the three came from the same region, they could probably lump us together so we won't feel too.. well, foreign.

And it worked. We have been friends since.

M has been struggling with a pain in her abdomen the last year. She's been with a number of doctors, went through a series of tests and procedures, and always took home an indefinite diagnosis. It was a puzzle to the medical staff. 

But today, she went home with not just one but two, heartbreaking results.

M wrote "It was just too much for a frail human heart to take in. It still is. " 

Breaks your heart to feel her pain. Sometimes, when I read her posts or her YMs and emails, I try my best to not cry. You know, put up a brave front for her. But there are days, when it just gets to you.

She went on to write about her doubts, her fears and her questions. The prayers she say and the questions she raise, what will you say to a friend when you have no words to comfort such pain?

On those days when my world was on the end, as I know it, M was always there to give a hug, a joke or a good slap in the head. She was always there to share a pizza with me and join the dumpling pig-outs. And though we didn't openly talk about my pain, she played a major role in cleaning this heart of bitterness.

And of all the things I need to do this week, all I can ever think about is to find a way to get this hug across the ocean.

But... we can only comfort each other through mail and our blogs. It isn't much, but it's the closest to a good hug.

And I wish it can be enough. I pray it can be enough.

So, as M continues to battle this crazy diagnosis, her doubts, her pain, she writes to continue her fight. She writes to continue to pray-- to not just embrace the pain and accept the confusion, she will turn it into something greater, something to glorify our Creator's name.

It amazes me how this woman of soft mush is really made of the strongest steel. Her faith is unwavering. She may be beaten, down on the floor a couple of rounds, but she isn't giving up. Not just Yet. Probably not ever.

And we get to think, for us, who have gotten second shots at things and at life, let's just be thankful every morning, every waking moment of the day. 

Love the life we have been lent for a time, and hope that we can be as much as a friend could ever be.

Au Revoir, 2011. Bonjour 2012!

One of the best changes I did in bidding 2011 good night was to change my alarm tone to Adele's One and Only.

I woke up to the slow dance of the song and my lil gurl curled up beside me. And I feel that 2012 is going to be a sweet ride from hereon. And thus, the grin on my face.

I have let go of the doubts, of the fears, of the hesitations. And this new day, I realize, I have truly forgiven my past. And this quiet joy is lazing in the corner of heart.

This year, I haven't really made so many plans, or made a number of crumpled lists that I carry in my notebooks. Nor have I updated the 5-term goal that has taken residence in my desktop. Because, This year, I'll kick up my heels and feel the grass in my toes.

I will end every night with a good butter massage, and I will light my candles while I say my good night prayer.

I promise to drink languidly my glass of red wine.

I will sing to heart's content, until the end of time!

I will give my heart the chance to walk that mile. :)

I will go on long drives and lose myself in the scenery.

I will read lil girl stories every night, sing to her in the bath, and share mallows with her.

I will take the weekends for mocha frappes and barbie replays.

I will be more patient.

More resilient.

More emphatic.

This year, I will live every single day with emotion, compassion, and I promise to hold the happiness in my hands, whichever road we choose to go.

The trips me and little girl have scheduled will be trips filled with pictures and culture.
And we also promise to travel in style.

This year, I will TRY. and I will not RUN.

I will be better, and I promise to believe that all things are as they are.

Take everything in with an open heart.

This year, there will be no room for regrets.

Or maybes.

Or next times.

This year, we will make things happen!

This year, I will dance to One and Only - slow and full of emotion. :D

                            Smile this 2012! From your polka dot ladies ♥