My anchor to Life

There are a few things/people/events in this life that I hold most dear:

1. MY daughter, Coco.
2. My sister, Corie.
3. My constantly supportive family.
4. My few good friends.
5. My passion for work.
6. Philosophy and the beauty of discussions over a cup of coffee.
7. Writing. And the ability to communicate from the heart.
8. Beautiful Pictures of stolen moments.
9. The fact that people can change: Kind hearts and kind words.
10. Shoes that come in all colors, shape and designs.
11. Watching the sunset on a quiet beach, with only the sound of reggae and my the waves.
12. Hugs and Good Night Mommie from my only love.

Little one finished on top in her toddler class. yesterday, we had our first make-up session together. And she knew instinctively which eye palettes would go well with her dress. It was exciting for both of us and we spent an hour plus experimenting on hypoallergenic blush and lip gloss. (I was too ecstatic!!)

We wore matching pearls to compliment the dresses and we celebrated with some ice cream and spaghetti, a lot of stories and laughter with a few family and a humble prayer that we are lucky to be this blessed.

I am lucky to be blessed enough to witness the every day of my little one. Everyday, I wake up and sleep, and marvel on how fast she is growing up, how fast she is learning new things. I am lucky to be given the chance to teach her things and help her grow. We are lucky to be surrounded by people who give support, time and love. We are lucky to have so many people helping little girl to be the best that she could be.

As she finishes baby school and goes on to Nursery, with her saying she is now a Small ATE, I become mushy inside and wish I can keep this baby a baby forever. Every single day is a new revelation with this little girl. Everyday, I learn to become something I wasn't before.

As the famous thinker Sophocles once said: “Children are the anchors that hold a mother to life.”, This little one right here has anchored me to a life I never knew existed.

But thankful to have discovered.

Cheers little one, to more ribbons and success in the future. Mommie is indeed very proud!

Chasing Dreams

This week, I am a full time mother: Domesticated and all.

I wake up early to prepare Coco's cereal breakfast, make her milk, fix the bed, bring her to school and even take her to afternoon park visits and sit to play Barbie for an hour plus too.

This week, I dressed in rolled up jeans and whites, in flats and in ponytails. I ran around with little girl, spent hours lounging in bed with her reading stories and watching Tangled again and again.

Went to the mall without constantly checking the time. Went for train rides and pony rides with little one, ate ice cream and indulged in candy :) We baked pop tarts and chocolate muffins. Shopped for pretty dresses and framed pictures.

This week, I am free of any stress. I am free of any pressure. AND because I am a bit far from my scheduled trip, I am able to savor the week with little girl. I actually am able to.. relax. :)

I was also able to go for my long over due run too!

And this morning, after Coco's moving up practice, we went outside to take in that bit of sun and feel the grass beneath our soles.

As I watched her run around, I had that Life is so beautiful moment.

To be able to run with the wind. Without a care.


Chase after dreams. Laugh with abandon.


Believe in the beauty of innocence.


This snapshot reminds me so much of the younger days.

JUST letting go and running free.

Thank you little girl.

In the gift of NOW

Last week went like a blur. It went so fast, I couldn't digest everything in one sitting. When I got home from almost a week-long stay in Butuan, my closest friends in the bank gave me a very heartwarming send off and I truly wished, I wouldn't have to leave them behind. They have really made my stay worthwhile. :(

And though it is a bit painful to walk away from something that has been my home for more than 3 years, I guess, as D said, we all have to move on to something better. AND well, the friendship that we have do not end with my short stint in this bank.

I'll miss the laughter that we share, the food, and even the pranks of P. I'll miss the team the most, D of course, for I have never found anyone whom I care about and who cares about me as genuinely as this woman. Like a real sister, D has never ever given me a piece of bad advise. AND as she and her husband K go through a new stage in their lives, I am hundred percent excited as they are. And I will also love their little one on the way, as much as they would.

I'll miss B and D - the angels from the different lot, for they have managed to stay true and honest and pure, despite the stress and the issues. I'll miss the couples too for in them I have seen that I guess, true love exists. D- i will always have a soft spot for you. ALWAYS!

I'll miss my baby M, who looks a lot like my daughter. lolz For I am in awe of how mature this little woman is. I'll miss baby P, because for me, he will always be a baby. ;P the innocent guy we trained to do LA work, who turned out to be the youngest AO. lolz Trixie star and all- I don't care.

I'll miss you too R- my coffee mate. yosi mate. Break free-mate. I'll miss your partner C too haha because, this girl sure has her way of cracking me up.

I'll miss my work. The stress. The pressure. The crazy accounts that I handle. I love the job, as much as I can ever describe. And I will forever save a space in my heart for the combank experience.

I'll miss the team mates who have played major roles in shaping my career. Despite the issues, the lows, and the understated chaos of everything, I am truly thankful I have met such brilliant people.

I will miss my boss - who hates me so much right now. Because once upon a time, we were a great team. And I fervently hope that he will understand why I have to leave.

I will miss Ate C- because she understands me and I understand her in a way only both of us get.

I am thankful for the memories, for the friendship. AND I am hoping that the distance between my new work and my old would truly be just a block away. I hate to lose the friendships forged to mere memories.

Today is my first day officially out of work. AND I spent it as Coco's Mom. :D I attended her (and mine's first) Parent-Teacher Meeting and I was glad that all things fell into the right schedule.

Little one finished first in her class, she's confident and is ready to move up to the next level. As I sit here, waiting for the fish to cook, I thank God for giving me the chance to become better: a better friend, a better worker, a better sister. AND of course, a better mother.

It's always beautiful to go through life changes. Because we see the beauty of the futre, and appreciate the wonders of our past.

I am ready. AND i'll see you all soon. Here or There. ;p

Break Off

I hate riding the bus for long trips. I hate the idea of having to sit with a complete stranger for hours no end and of having to endure the stops.

I hate the smell and the noise. And the tiredness that seem to cling to me after.

But you know, it hasn't always been like this. I love to travel; to see new places; to find new things and discover new perspective. I used to love long bus rides too, because it allowed me to think. and maybe dream.

Perhaps, lately, the crazy work schedule and the anxiety of shifting jobs have made me more of a grouch.

AND that, I hate more.

Today, I woke up before the sun rose. And I started my day with a prayer that this week will go better than the last two. I hope, with all my heart, that the condescending boss that I have will stop assembling an execution crew and for a moment, just forget that he disapproves my decision.

My word today is RELAX. I need to learn to just go with the flow and let things go as they should. For the past two weeks, I have been crazy running after a schedule, crazy working, crazy planning... crazy exhausted.

This week, I need to relax. I need to give these bones some much needed rest and to give my mind and heart a much needed respite. This week, I will have to time to watch the sun rise, to see my little girl's works of art, to cook some pasta or bake some cupcakes; This week, I will have time to sit for long hours, reading stories with little one, teaching her to play the piano and make more drawings.

This week, I will empty my mind of worries, shake my heart and pour out resentments and a bit of that anger and open my palms to a whole new future. This week, I will be moving forward, remembering always but never looking back.

Little one is waking up now, and as I master the art of wrapping things up quickly, I stick another post-it on my forehead: RELAX.

Strangers with Wings and a PHD

Today, I took little girl shoe hunting. And as we both love shoes, we spent most of our afternoons gazing, checking, scrutinizing the perfect pair for this picky little one.

And thankfully, we stumbled upon the perfect one- and it came at half the original price too.

On our way home from shoe sale, little one and I took the cab with the most talkative driver ever. And as I sat there listening to this stranger blab about how beautiful life is, I wonder what kind of blessing he must have stumbled upon to be this positive -- and to think, it's already towards the end of the day. While Coco dozed and I stuck pretending to be even comprehending his words, and lost in my own thoughts...

BUT Did you know that the most effective therapists come in the form of cab drivers?

For one, they are strangers looking from a third perspective. They see things from an angle that we couldn't. More often than not, their observation on things are more thorough than ours, they don't leave out what we normally ignore.

Then, these cab drivers are usually old-- not really- but they seem to have the right words all the time, at the exact moment we need them.

Or sometimes, when all we want is a moment of peace, a quiet break where we can just cry for a few minutes, they just drive in silence. Taking the extra patience to sit in a traffic jam, to allow us to sift through emotions and wipe the tears off upon stepping out. Good as brand new.

I guess, we are given some life light bulbs in the form of strangers - like this cab driver, or this guard in our office who I know to always remember to say good morning, thank you, goodbye; or this manang who gives me extra grape Frutos, just cuz she knows how much I love them.

As we drive through the streets, my little girl in my arms, Manong humming a happy tune and telling me that I must have the luckiest partner: to have such happy family, AND I think, I am indeed a truly blessed one.

And this "luckiest partner" that I have yet to meet is, uhm will be, indeed the luckiest! ;)

The Story of the Little Orange Heart

I went home crying. Literally walking, riding a cab home, knocking on our gate crying. Sobbing. Choking.

Red Eyes. Red Nose. Tears streaming down my face kind of thing.

PATHETIC. I know.

But I have never encountered a person,as excruciatingly difficult as mine. NEVER in my entire life. Until now.

And although I want to keep the professional problem within the confines of my cubicle, sometimes, it is just TOOOOO much.

So I cried and cried and cried until my head hurts like it's been hammered in. And I cried until I couldn't see through my tears. I cried until I sat down and wished 15 will roll out sooner than soonest.

I cried even if my little one threw her arms around me and rested her small head on my shoulders. She just hugged me, just like that. We sat there in the couch, with me sobbing like crazy and I couldn't even manage a squeak, and I wonder why in the world are there people who are born to be mean with a capital M.E.A.N.

For the first time, I admitted, this has finally gotten me. I'm so broken, so down, so affected by this shitty treatment I've been getting, that I couldn't sleep nights, couldn't eat right, couldn't laugh much... Cuz you know, I value an honest day's work the way I value my kid. And he's just, well, shitting all over it!

I have been an honest worker, I work hard, I do my best. I make an effort to learn, to become better everyday, to be an asset. For the past three years with the team, I think I deserve more than this kind of going away treatment.

At the very least, I deserve to be treated with respect.

But it's okay. I'm pressing on, pushing forward, getting through this one day at a time. I'm not giving in, not yet, not now.

Little girl smiled and hugged me more to chase my tears away. And as she showed me today's artwork, she said I can include "mommie also" under her name.

This little orange heart, that my little one painstakingly, lovingly put together this morning has stopped my tears from flooding in. God has His ways of comforting such a broken, tired soul as mine, He posted a note on my fridge.

A little reminder that despite all these that happened today, God loves Me and my little girl.

And that all things broken, like the little orange heart, can also be pasted back. With God in the middle, a star on the side and a little girl smiling bright.

I CAN DO THIS! I AM NOT GIVING UP!!!