Respite

The long weekend is almost over.

But it was a weekend well-spent.

Little girl and I visited Mama, Lolo and Nanay last All Souls' Day. We picked flowers, added a few orchids to the arrangements and lit candles and said prayers for our departed loved ones.

Little girl was up and about the past four days. She woke up early and reminded this mommie of the the days' itinerary and must do's. 

She said the prayers beautifully too.

Normally, All Souls Day leave me feeling hollow, as I sit and watch the lighted candles, I would feel the longing and the wondering of how things would have turned out if my Mama was able to stay a few more years with us. 

There was still a bit of that pain and longing, but this year, I only brought happy stories to my mom. Stayed for a while to tell her of the highlights of the year; our little achievements and left knowing that she would have loved the beautiful flower arrangements and the biko me, my sister and little girl offered.

I also shared some of the things that have bothered me as I go on this journey of solo-parenthood.

And asked myself how would she see things and maybe shed some light to a number of things running in my head.

The annual family tradition of remembering our departed loved ones is a deeply-rooted Filipino practice. We were joined by a million other families visiting the tombs of their deceased and each family has a unique practice of honoring the memory of the dead.

 I wanted to introduce little girl to this tradition of respect for the elderly and to inculcate the values of close family ties. And I wanted to pass on to her the practices I grew up with. Because I am proud to have been shaped by these memories.

I told her stories I learned from my mom.

Told her about the grandparents she wasn't able to fully know.

Shared the moments of just sitting and watching the candle light dance.

And I am happy to see little girl immerse herself in the family gatherings.

And feel the solid bond that has held this extended family for years.

We also had a share of our long weekend palanay.

We spent it watching Pirates of the Carribean re-runs, continued the halloween scary stories and ate lots of chips (lolz) but completely forgot our weekend dose of Cornetto.

We forgot to finish memorizing the poem she's going to recite on Friday. (yikes)

But we don't want to think about it right now.

We spent the last two days of the long week-end with cousins.

Drove around town for a good dose of CDO original chicken.

Milk Tea.

Pizza.

Laughter.

Crazy stories.

My Niece Q left this morning to go back to school for the second sem.

And as we spent the entire night talking about a number of things

from the crazy past, the funny moments, the sad memories,

the issues of today, the future plans

I am amazed at how she has grown into this mature and responsible lady.

She dished out opinion about my "decisions" and agreed to a number of things I have maintained.

And as I listened to her share stories of her experiences in school, with new friends, old friends, I daydreamed about little girl being in College soon too.

Wow, i'd be one of the craziest and happiest moms ever. lolz

It was a good long weekend. 

Good enough (actually better than expected) to sustain us til the next one creeps in.

Back to reality in a few hours!

Break Off

I hate riding the bus for long trips. I hate the idea of having to sit with a complete stranger for hours no end and of having to endure the stops.

I hate the smell and the noise. And the tiredness that seem to cling to me after.

But you know, it hasn't always been like this. I love to travel; to see new places; to find new things and discover new perspective. I used to love long bus rides too, because it allowed me to think. and maybe dream.

Perhaps, lately, the crazy work schedule and the anxiety of shifting jobs have made me more of a grouch.

AND that, I hate more.

Today, I woke up before the sun rose. And I started my day with a prayer that this week will go better than the last two. I hope, with all my heart, that the condescending boss that I have will stop assembling an execution crew and for a moment, just forget that he disapproves my decision.

My word today is RELAX. I need to learn to just go with the flow and let things go as they should. For the past two weeks, I have been crazy running after a schedule, crazy working, crazy planning... crazy exhausted.

This week, I need to relax. I need to give these bones some much needed rest and to give my mind and heart a much needed respite. This week, I will have to time to watch the sun rise, to see my little girl's works of art, to cook some pasta or bake some cupcakes; This week, I will have time to sit for long hours, reading stories with little one, teaching her to play the piano and make more drawings.

This week, I will empty my mind of worries, shake my heart and pour out resentments and a bit of that anger and open my palms to a whole new future. This week, I will be moving forward, remembering always but never looking back.

Little one is waking up now, and as I master the art of wrapping things up quickly, I stick another post-it on my forehead: RELAX.