Kids These Days :)

Long weekends is about having chances to re-connect with family and closest friends. It's about celebrating the little joys that dot our every day lives, and giving our tired and weary bones a much needed charge.

We missed Halloween this year, I completely forgot about the easiest: mall schedules of tricks and treats and costume parades; 

I forgot to put on scarecrows and spider webs and my "emo" make up (but thankfully, didn't forget the treats for these kiddos);

So, we spent the lazy days running around the field until we all ran out of breath,

devoured a fair share of sweets, exchanged some "scary" stories from the old -- and created lists and drawings that warrant a good space in the fridge.

We slept on the floor, huddled together, exchanging insights (yes, from kiddos-- you'll be amazed to know what they know!) and watched who can make the meanest cookie monster in the ipad.

I spent a weekend speaking English with the kids too

and smiled how naturally it comes to them;

I am amazed how their young generation is so much different from ours, yet strangely alike;

I am amazed how different their lifestyle is now.

And amazed at how diverse and complicated their wishlists are, all from normal to shocking:

Colored papers

crayons

cars

paper dolls

Elmo Stuffed toys

Ipad Mini (SHIT right?!)

Kate Spade Ipad Cover (Double S!! right?)

new leapster games (Okaaay)

Android phone (ok, this is mine lolz)

I grew up speaking in the most bisdak bisaya possible environment;

did chores and treated them like games;

and climbed trees (just the short santol one in our front lawn- lolz);

so.

 I was amazed to see how kids these days are more learned 

about culture of other people

about how different lifestyles and preferences merge;

to see them sail through days with a better understanding of their rights (lolz)

and privileges;

 I was in awe listening to these kiddos now talk in accented english

and blurt out words like:

ridiculous

brilliant

amazing

disgusting

or the less glamorous:

eew

yuck

no way

crazy

evil

harsh

LOLZ

Although they are also exclusive in their friends and preferences (somewhat like me and my soul sisters),

they have this uncanny ways to bond with their peers- which is AMAZING.

This break, my eldest niece came home from school.

And I admit that she's always been my favorite

because she always, always manages to make me feel like i'm the coolest auntie on earth.

lolz

And now that I have a beautiful daughter of my own, a younger niece and nephew too, I felt like I will always be the kids' coolest aunt (and yes, the coolest mom haha).

Spending time with them last weekend was more of a re-validation for my end.

I was showered with kisses and hugs;

And I love you Mom's.

I love you Ninang's. 

You smell the like candy ninang (my most favorite lolz)

You're the coolest;

I'll always be your baby, Ninang (my most favorite too)

and of course, 

Thank you, Mommy. I love you every day. (my unarguably the best one I got)

I had a few minutes of "me" time too. 

Had a few moments with little one to see how beautiful she has grown;

I had some realizations

about how I want to have more kids;

three girls and a boy;

And how I want to get married (whaaaaaatt -- this is the little-bikes-in-open-garages fault!)

about how I feel like I will always be young when I am with these babies;

about how I can be a really good person

because the kids love me inexplicably;

unconditionally.

I've also realized how time flies;

how we should always make it count.

how we should fill the days with moments worth writing and talking about

on weekends like this

and days in the future where a few laughs and some tears are around the dinner table;

I've also managed to finally laugh at some stupid things I did last week.

(lolz-- ashamed!!!)

And agree that some really crazy things happen to the best of us;

And that  we can laugh about it.

And finally, the best part about this impromptu halloween sleep-over

is that I have never felt this relaxed

and complete

in more than a hundred days and one.

As my niece says: (Wicked!)

Ha Ha Ha Good Laugh before Good Night

Every time I get sick of inner-self conversations, I turn to my favorite blogs for a good dose of laughter and inspiration.

Among the countless sites that I visit, a local blogger/teacher/artist is one of my most favorite:

http://motsmots.blogspot.com/

His sense of humor is very simple, yet "sapul" 

He makes everything seem funny and light

and he writes in fluent Tagalog.

I can never do that. LOLZ 

The blog reminds me of my college days- where a majority (ok, 98% of my blocmates) speak, write and recite in fluent Tagalog to convey absolutely perfect arguments. 

It reminds me of how I spent my first semester not saying anything in class, just because I cannot speak Tagalog, in an un-accented, polished and NORMAL kinda way.

(haha I remember Comm1 vividly--classmate whispering to another classmate: Sa tingin ko pipi ang katabi mo. My seatmate: Hindi, bingi yata. Me and Myself: NO stupids, I just couldn't speak tagalog without fear of being labeled probinsyana forever--- which in hindsight, being labeled as such couldn't be really so bad after all.)

The writer reminds me of my brilliant UP Professors, my matatalinong blocmates (esp Pet and Rey), and my once-upon-a-time dream of teaching a class in UPElbi. (Yikes, did I just really admit it? haha but i digress.. lolz)

And most importantly, the blog never fails to make me laugh. This blog won't fail to make you laugh too!

No effort, I think this guy deserves a rank amongst Pugad Baboy. -- if only I can get through reading the whole comic book of it.

Ha Ha Always good to have a few laughs before hitting the sack.

Tomorrow is going to be a better day. :)

In the more important things in life

Being stuck in bed for days is not helping.

I get to think of ten thousand things I need to change my life of and I feel like there is no end to this "misery".
Sick and feeling ugly, I tell myself that when I am better, things will look up.

I always get this when I'm as sick as sick can be.
This is the first time I've gotten sick in an interval of weeks. And it's actually scaring me.

I drove myself to the ER yesterday, with little gurl and nanny in tow.
Maybe because I think I was gonna spend the night there and I needed the nanny to do errands.

But really, honestly, I needed little girl for courage.

Selfish. (I Know)

So I went to have my BP checked, did my blood work up, had my urinalysis and chest X-ray.
And after an hour or two, I was sent home because:

My lungs are clear.
There is no wheezing.
The fever has subsided.
My platelets are normal.

But I have an infection that is something other than in my lungs. (hmm?!)

I went home with a new set of medicines, an advice to rest (seriously rest) and a longer list of things and food to avoid.

When you tick-mark the list, I can find that I've already done most of the part there.

* I've already given up smoking.
* Reduced drinking liquor to a minimum.
* I've cut down on sugar and artificial sweets and junk food.
* Did my cardio for at least fifteen minutes every day.
* Taken my maintenance religiously
* Avoided peanuts, yellow food, crustaceans

I need to vacuum the car more.
Clean out the bedroom every other day
Ditch the Lysol air sprays

and reduce stress to the minimum.

But, How do I cross out the last one?

And ahh, there lies the rub. Either way I take, I end up taking in stress.

The self-help blogs that I subscribe to tells me that stress is the result of an incorrect state of mind. (not crazy incorrect state of mind, I hope) But it's from one's perspective in the state of things.

And so I asked myself to re-align my priorities, re-arrange the important things and segregate those that I can let go.

I listed all the things that worry me, above my health and the welfare of this little girl, and I ended up with a list that's short to nothing. Amazing how we can actually cross out the Not So Important's and The So-so Important's when we just take the time. (and maybe stop pretending to be super busy)

I also realized that I have sadly pulled away from my religious devotions and I have constantly "forgotten" to say the rosary or hear mass on Wednesdays for the devotion to the Mother of Perpetual Help.

And inasmuch as I want to deny it, the state of my physical health is equivocally on the same plane as my spiritual well-being.

The fifteen minute morning meditations that I used to have was replaced by late wake-up calls and senseless banter with the relatives. Sometimes, I forget the Me Time.

Sometimes, I forget that along with the physical well-being, I also need to look after what's inside.

So today, I tell myself that I am no Super Woman. I am entitled to sick days off and just driving myself crazy lying in bed. And tonight, I lit candles to pray and make time for more important things in life.

And the bit more.

When I am old, and finally rich -- I promise to bring myself to a therapist.

And maybe this therapist can shed some light on the kind of choices that I make.

I have always maintained that it is always better to get hurt and let go of people we aren't supposed to hold on to, because it's right to let them find their happiness and maybe, freedom too.

Sacrifice whatever selfish-, self-centered-, entirely egoistic happiness that can be derived from keeping the person and just do what's right.

But what is right anyway?

So, I have a confession to make.

I feel something for a man whom I have known for years and one that I know who can never really love me back one hundred fifty percent and I have been nurturing the emotion far longer that I should have.

(WHEW)

I don't know why or how, but I still think he's the perfect man. Maybe not for me, but he's perfect nonetheless.

Maybe

Because he knows my thoughts before they turn into words.

Because he knows my feelings even before they turn into actions.

Because he makes me laugh. 

Because he listens.

Because he makes me believe that men still know what's right and what's wrong. 

And still makes mistakes and qualify them as lessons.

Because he was there in every life's turn.

Or maybe

Because he does not demand too much

Because he doesn't ask too much

Because he doesn't tell me what to do, what to say

Or, it's just that

He's driven

He is sure of himself

He makes decisions without having other people decide for him

yet he has a heart.

He is a good man.

Or maybe it's because he simply understands all the complexity that I am.

But as you know, there's always a catch with something so perfect.

And so he remains an illusion. A perfectly, real illusion.

So you see, as the years go by, I look at the men who could even have a percentage of the above.

And maybe, find someone like hime.

But there isn't anyone. 

No one has gotten close.  (well, one has, but it's just the same)

And I wondered if I can everrrrr find someone who is all of the above and one more.

Amazed and Grateful

Today was a great learning experience.

Lil girl and I did the alphabet drills and as I threw a letter in the air, she throws back objects, places or actions with the beginning letter I have given. 

And inasmuch as I wanted to make this a serious activity, she easily made the whole activity a game.

I ended up laughing but trying to keep a straight face all in the same moment.

Amazing how she manages to grab thoughts from the air and string them with her learnings to make absolutely, crazy ideas!

Amazing how she listens to new things and absorbs them like a sponge yet diligently takes each new discovery into dissected scrutiny.

Amazing how she can give examples of one simple thought from two polar and almost contradictory ideas - and yet prove that both can comfortably merge.

Amazing how she lets me see that everyday with her I still discover new things about my daughter and about myself.

Amazing how she can turn any given day into something extraordinary.

Amazing how she takes all my stress and turn them into gratefulness.

Amazing how she turns this upside down, crazy boring weekend into something worthy of the scrapbook.

Amazing how this little girl has evolved from being the uptight, moody, snotty little toddler (but still extremely loveable) into a carefree, friendly and still undeniably lovable little princess.

Amazing what a few minutes of conversations about the day-to-day happenings, dreams of the future and desires of the heart reveal about the numerous and countless ideas, thoughts and feelings that run through in this five-year old kiddo.

It's amazing how the Lord puts everything into place -- all in the right places at the right time. 

I am amazed.

And humbled for everything I have right now.

And of course, forever thankful.

I think, with this, I have finally ended my self-pity, DQ days.

And again, I affirm and reiterate to myself that I have zero problems that I cannot see through.
What can be so wrong with what I have now that merit a stressful, woeful state of mind?

Cybercrime, anyone?

Yesterday, on my way to work, I passed by an old man driving -- pedaling his way through the market. It's an ordinary sight in this small city, especially when you pass by Cogon area. But what struck me most was that this man is already reeeaaaally old. Old like my grandma.

Well, almost as old as my grandma- she's already 94. And this man, depsite his old age, is working since the break of dawn, breaking bones for maybe, some coffee and bread. He was sweating, and having difficulty navigating his way driving a passenger half his age-- and this, actually almost made me cry. It was seeing him do so much hard work at his age.

It was a moment that affected me because I was struck by how deeply entrenched poverty is in our country. Yet it's gravity, it's reality is sadly reduced to just statistics by politicians, and worse, by people like me and you.

Cybercrime law was recently passed in this country and I, among so many others, joined the clamor protesting this form of censorship. I understand the key points of this bill, and how it strives to protect us all from the bad and mean things that happen in the net. But to highlight libel and the reiterate the fact that we cannot voice out what we need to say, need to convey for fear of being slapped by the newly trained PNP is quite frankly, similar to an authoritarian society.

And on the very same day this law was passed and enacted, I saw this old man pedaling his way for a living. He doesn't care about the Cybercrime Law or Cybercrime itself. He doesn't have facebook or twitter; or a blog where he can lambast politicians for the state he and majority of our countrymen is in.

He doesn't care who among the elected senators are more "witty" or more "marunong" or even more "sikat". He has bigger problems to carry. We, the working class, have much bigger problems to worry about.

Of which, our senators and the whole populi should try finding ways to resolve.

So what have we been up to?

Honestly, I felt guilty too, I guess, when I saw that old man.

Joking in FB about having a "one new arrest pending" in response to the cybercrime law being passed seemed so petty.

Complaining about the workload that I have is stupid. I should be glad I have a job that doesn't require to break bones from hard, manual labor.

Requesting manang to put coffee on before I wake up so I can wake to the smell of the brew now sounds single-mindedly selfish.

And this man, that old man that I saw, should have the chance to be selfish too.
To be able to rest his bones at the end of the day, without having to worry about tomorrow. (well, we all worry about tomorrow..)
But he should have better benefits: better health care (there is no healthcare for people who do manual labor here in this country!), better purchasing power, safer environment.

These basic rights, these we should have and should be readily available to everyone. These should have been prioritized by our government officials. Our Senators have proven that a bill can be passed and be enacted in a swift motion. It was possible with Cybercrime Law, it should be possible for the RH Bill, Anti-Discrimantion bill, Solo Parent Act, Anti Poverty?

On the positive note of all this cybercrime hoolabaloo, it's the fact that hey, our Senators can write a bill, pass it and make it Law. We can make things happen! We can make laws better than this Cybercrime/Anti-Label campaign.

We can be more than this.

So, cybercrime and poverty. Is it really a tough a choice?