Wishes and Pumpkins and everything in between

oh my, is it Christmas already?

Not quite.

But it has been over a month since me and little girl celebrated our birthdays, and as I am here sitting on my sick bed and waiting for the little know-it-all to come home from school, I found myself browsing through our pictures from waaaaaay back to the recent ones we took in celebration of Simone's 5th. AND I am overwhelmed by the sheer happiness my daughter's presence in my life has given me.

5th. Wow.  Imagine that?

For five years in a row now, I have been celebrating my birthday with the knowledge that I am celebrating it with someone more special than I am (realllly!)
For five years in a row now, the birthdays I celebrate are no longer just about what I would do or what I want-- it has evolved into something bigger than I am: it has become all about this little baby who keeps growing before my very eyes.
For five years in a row now, our joint birthday celebrations have become one of the highlights of our years together.

5 Years of just pure love. I would have doubted I would ever get this far.
But now, I doubt if I will ever DOUBT this ever again. :)

I guess when you're almost 30, you get to be sentimental often. Always hovering over the difficult past and watching yourself transform into something quite like pure steel and cottony soft all at the same time in the present.

And you get to think of all the self-help books that you devoured, the words of encouragement in post-its pasted on walls, books, monitors and mirrors, the nightly notes, the morning prayers, and the constant search for the one thing that will heal all the pain -- has finally paid off.

This week was the pre-trial of the annulment case. And as the dates of the formal hearing were ratted out, I felt the utmost serenity that I have been searching for so long.

I listened to the petition, and heard the words minced with a few regrets and bitterness, yet I found myself at peace with everything. No hate, no anger, no nothing. Like credits rolling at the end of the screen, it was good/bad while it lasted.

But it's ending.

For me, this is my ticket to freedom - complete and unbounded freedom.

No more confusion in filling up forms (married.single.separated.crapped and shoved like trash);
Significantly less than questions about the past (people actually move on from issues, you know);
No more reminders of the nightmares (and all the painful exchange of words);
No more unwanted news from the people over the fence (ugh, the world does not revolve around you);
No more NOTHING about the past I keep trying to bury with a hatchet. (seriously.).

But before all this:

We celebrated our birthdays at home with close family and great friends. We bought a few treats to lil gurl's classmates, baked home-made cupcakes and huffed balloons and uttered wishes after wishes!

I got a bouquet of red roses on my birthday for the first time in whole life - seriously!

Lilttle Girl all smiles from her birthday mass. With the cupcake and balloons we made for her.

Little Girl saying grace.

The cupcakes we tried so hard to make! lolz

All Joy.

Happy Birthday Lil One.

This year, to celebrate our birthdays, we visited SG with our family also. It was a short trip with a thousand memorable moments. Little girl never stopped talking about it for weeks! And it was just beautiful to hear over and over.

The family meeting Puss in Boots

Chinatown love

This trip was a series of many firsts for the little girl: first roller coaster ride, first long travel time; first to pack her things herself; first to hear people speak in a different language; first to try eating ice cream from the streets; first to actually see a whole new world beyond her imagination!

It was a series of firsts for me as well. Which, come to think of it, I guess is the primary reason why I love holding joint celebrations with the little one. She has always given me the series of first moments to look forward to. And has always allowed me to experience the magic in discoveries.

Like the moment - when I held her for the first time in my life- smelling all that sweet and baby-ish.
It's Me feeling like a brand new mother all over again.

And you know, it's like this every year, I get to receive the best present over and over.

******

As September rolled in, I couldn't help but think of the wishes we made and the goals we listed earlier this year. I excitedly checked the ones we did accomplish and contemplate on the other bullet points that we intend to do.

And of course, we added a bunch of new stuff in the bucket list/ wish list too: Including but not limited to:

* Lounging in the beaches of Bali
* Paying off the equity for a new place
* Paying off all my credit card debts (LOLZ)
* Taking little girl to see a real Princess castle
* Renovating the bedroom, to include her wish of flat screen TV and cable (yes, she really did wish for this!)

And as I sit here, hoping that my strength will return, I look at my own wishes;

* Finality. (By next year hopefully.)
* Peace of Mind (Thank you, God)
* Good health for me, little girl and the friends and family that we love

Year in and Year out, I think I am getting all most of my heart's wishes just right before I turn 30 and into a beautiful pumpkin :)

What have you been doing these past weeks?