Strawberry. But who cares anyway?

What's good about frozen margarita is that it takes me back a few years without me puking all over the place.

Eleven years ago, I met a few souls in the green grounds of the famed state university. And after a few bumps here and there, after tears over worthless fs, larger than life problems, well earned medals and a series of crazy shit, we have actually managed to stay stuck together like glue.

But the kids that were, have already traded beer bongs for a cup of peppermint tea.
And some good margarita in between. We have changed a lot. But have remained the same.

My best friend M was as deep in a mess anyone could ever be the past x number of .... She was not just sad, she was more than it. She was more than broken, she was shattered to pieces. She was hurting and we were all scared she couldn't pull through.

But as R and I met up with her tonight for some good old coffee-beer conversations, we found M back to her old self AGAIN. Honestly. Truly. The M we knew years back. Like waking up from a horrid dream, she finally found the courage to pick up the pieces and start moving on. And frankly, I am relieved.

I know it's not easy to bounce back. But it isn't impossible either. There still may be times that the lingering emptiness will manifest and would feel as if it could swallow you whole. There will still be moments when all you could do is just sit, and want to cry but no more tears will flow.

There will be those times when the scales just move from left to right, and the twix bar just don't run out of stock.

But there will be more moments of just happy laughter. Just because.

You know, I have always had the trouble of moving forward completely. And as I have repeatedly told myself that without little girl, and the important people in my life, I wouldn't have even made it to the first step.

But here I am, now.

Right here, fairly far enough to go past the clanging heavy gates.
Right here, more comfortable in my own skin.
Right here, having accepted the dysfunctional-ity of my life.
Right here, finding my worth and holding the pride I have lost along the way.
Right here, happy. on track. moving forward.

Right here, right now.

I am back again.