Down the Trash Bin

Can I just rant?

I came home from a really tiring day at work -.- after getting stuck in traffic with motorcycle drivers driving crazy all over the city, after listening to some colleagues squabble about SENSELESS, childish crap and after dealing with a diva client-- ALL THIS with a serious case of headache.

And I come home to a brat and hearing the nanny complain about the whole day of today for a straight ten minutes. Half-listening and half-worrying that I should start looking for another nanny.

or another house.

Don't you just feel like, shit, I've had IT!? I'm neck deep in mad frustration right now.

I'm really, seriously tired and I think I don't need this crap at the end of the day.

Also because..

Today, I feel like I always mess things up. No matter how I crazy try, I always have some stupid excuse to do one right thing wrong.

Today, I feel like I am this small, when I really wanna be THIS great.

Today, I feel like I am not doing anything right in my life.

Today, for the first time in more than four years, I feel that little girl just doesn't appreciate anything I do for her or tell her.

And I don't know how to handle it.

More than this anger that I feel right now, I'm just honestly, heart-breakingly disappointed on how things are going.

I don't know how to make my daughter listen to me.

I don't know how to tell her things and stick these things in her head.

I don't know how to discipline her without worrying that maybe I'm doing all this wrong.

I don't know if I will ever learn to type using the typewriter.

I don't know if I actually know what I'm doing in my job.

Or am I just messing things.

Today, of all the days, I just don't know what the hell I'm doing.

Or what the hell I'm doing all this for?

I am this             close to giving up.

Cuz, I am gonna admit it, it's not easy being me.

Right now, It's effing difficult! Difficult like drowning - choking - dying kinda difficult.

I don't know how to juggle everything, keep it all together and actually do things right.

I am a mess.

And right now, I just feel like





....



crap.