Judas' Kiss

I have always been the kind of person who take in stray dogs, no matter how unwanted they seem to appear, the lost puppy eyes always seem to get me. I'm not so sure why, but I have always this soft spot for the underdogs. I am the champion of the losers.

The only person who could bitch so much and still keep one spot open for the needing. I admit, I may be sooo strong that it's either you love me or you hate me. Nothing in between. But I still am capable of being gooey and soft and gullible more than necessary.

And more often than not, this kindness has always gotten back to me like a snake snapping my head off. Like a bad dream. Like a kiss from Judas.

For a moment, when everything seemed to be spinning out of control, I wonder at how things can sound so wrong, so construed, so twisted... And I prayed that the truth will come out, knowing that my conscience is clear and that all things being thrown at me are just lies.

True enough, God has strung for me a series of events that have had me confused, sad, angry, bewildered, betrayed.. And after all the storm, the crazy talks and then finally, the truth has come to set things straight.

I don't need to prove myself to anyone anymore, I learned. Because all that I have said, all that I have known, everything that I have held in my heart are right. Because I have stayed on the right.

It pained me to learn that most of the "truths" that were served to me (and served to the other end) were lies, properly manipulated, half-baked deductions of a very pitiful mind. It hurt to know and to realize that the lost sheep with the lost puppy eyes was a snake capable of betrayal. No matter how you dress the snake in a sheep's clothing, the snake will always strike with a venom capable of killing. Always.

What a shame. I could have been the best of a friend. No, I was the best kind of friend you'd ever gonna get.

Now that I have seen the whole picture, I see the past months clearly, walking in a daze is no longer the case. And I understand the reason why things happened, and I am thankful that now, I am able to see THIS.

I may feel rotten for being twisted like a puppet on a string, but for whatever, I was honest with my actions, my thoughts, my friendship. I was a good friend. I am a good friend - and if it were intentional or not from the other person's end, it doesn't really matter anymore.

It is not I who is on the losing end.

If Jesus can forgive Judas, then I, who is merely a mortal and a servant, can surely forgive too. But all this, all of this shall happen in time.