What a Beautiful, Beautiful Christmas!

Look who's hitting sleepy CDO in time for the holiday rush? OMG.

Add up my baby girl and her bear hugs, my lovely family, a strong circle of friends, laughter, some good read, a few letters in the mail, skype, strawberries and cream waffle... and maybe a chance to make it bigger in 2011 and what a beautiful, beautiful Christmas indeed!!

Smoke Freedom!!

I woke up when the world was still dark and everything was still still. I stood outside, taking in the beautiful morning, the cool breeze, the quietness with a cup of green tea in one hand and another in an empty pocket.

I've been out of smoke for about two weeks now, my colds are killing me, my cough isn't going away. But i'm almost there- my one month threshold. And I am on my way to smoke freedom!



It gets a bit trying to write without it. I know, ALL in the MIND. But if you've been accustomed to it, it's hard letting go.. but it's not impossible.

Today, I don't struggle much. But i'm almost sure this is gonna add up to the lbs that I need to lose. And so, despite the oral fixation this has got to be, I'm still gonna close my eyes every time I see green and black.

And everytime I feel like this isn't possible, I go over the reasons that I keen in my pocket and I get back on the track.

Just remember, I WANT to quit. and the WANT should be enough to make it.

Yey, beautiful Thursday and a lovely loooong weekend soon!

Solo Parents Rights

I've been a solo parent for about 3 years now. And though motherhood is rewarding, everyday has not exactly been a bed of roses.

The first time I came home, with this little baby in my arms, unsure of what the future holds for the both of us, I remember standing in the airport, waiting for a ride home and keeping the dam of tears in.

I held on to that facade until being strong was the only thing I know doing. I juggled jobs, motherhood, and writing in 24 hours. It wasn't easy before. And it isn't easy now. But being strong inside has become a part of my living that being the other way isn't really an option anymore.

The difficult times always come when little one gets sick and either I have just enough to buy medicine or just enough to pay the bills. And there's always the chance the boss won't allow you to take a leave. And of course, coming home to a conservative town doesn't always make it easy for solo parents like me to blend in.

And though I am still in some kind of a limbo, as my civil status has remained stuck somewhere in the grey areas, I am for a fact a solo parent.

The law protects the rights of solo parents and our legislators acknowledge our existence and the rights we have to better future, more opportunities and a loud voice in our society.

RA 8972 or the Solo Parents Act of the Philippines is a comprehensive act that provides benefits and privileges to solo parents and their children. It was signed into law in November 2000 and its implementing rules was approved in April 2002.

As defined by the Act:

A solo parent is any individual...among others, "Any other person who solely provides parental care and support to a child or children"

It provides us with:

* Solo parents can avail of the 7-day parental leave that is mandated by law. It is above the special day and mandatory leaves. Esp when parents need to attend to a child's needs.
* Flexible work schedule

A bill is being passed that enable solo parents to avail of discounts on child's clothing, medicine, milk and diapers. Though it has not been signed and put into effect just yet, this bill would surely help a lot of solo parents when it will be.

Solo parents are encouraged to obtain the Solo Parents ID from DSWD the soonest possible. The requirements would include Barangay Certificate of Residence, supporting documents (like annullment, ITR, etc), and if you are like me who's still in a kinda limbo, we can secure a certificate issued by the Barangay Captain indicating the circumstances of one's being a solo parent.

For more of this you can read on:

Apart from the assurance that the law is not sleeping on us, we know that no matter how minor solo parents can be in a staunchly conservative society, we still have a voice.

Now, don't you think being a chicsinglemommie rocks?! :D

Keep your head up, love. The world hasn't gone too heavy just yet and Atlas still hasn't shrugged!

Happy = Boring

Okay, I get it. I am a bore when I am happy.

I couldn't even write STUFF when I am happy and you will be perpetually greeted by a smile on my face you're actually gonna ask if I'm Okay.

I even have to slap myself twice when in the middle of an article or a proposal and I find myself staring at space. just actually staring and SMILING. Crazy I know.

But I am. And as surprising and out of line as it sounds in my life, I think my heart has finally hit the enough bS button and has settled in nicely. I think this is gonna last until the year goes out and a new one comes in. I'm hoping the feeling stays :)

I think I like this feeling better than anything else. So I am thinking of keeping it, locking it and living with it day in and day out.

Not cuz I don't mind not writing much. Or not talking much. But cuz, i have discovered that smiling takes a lot less of an effort than a frown.

Ha!

Take it all in. Cuz the "niceness" that I have hanging around recently is not gonna expire until end of the month. I have a strong feeling it's gonna last way longer than end of the year too.

Yey! Happy thought :D

Life is a book...

This weekend, when lil one took her afternoon nap, I snuggled to catch up on my reading. As I take out the paperbacks, I re-read my favorites, with their creased pages and outlined passages. And I read my hours away.

AND as expected, it was full of thoughts. Random as they are, recurring as always.

Sometimes, what you read in novels is exactly how it is in real life.

The only difference is that the ending will depend on what the market prefers. and the fact that the characters will always do the expected.

But in real life, we are left with the questions they never ask. and the wonders of it all.

Years and years from now, When I die of old age, I will have a luggage of questions that I probably take with me to my grave.

Or maybe, I will live more years to tell the tale.

Then maybe, it will be a novel like 100years of solitude- encompassing lifetimes. encompassing the maybes.

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As part of my project change, I have come to watch the ME time materialize. And with this beautiful weekend, moments with lil one, the beach, dvd and a few good books are among the best that came with this kind of wanting to be better :) Makes us all wish for more long weekends and makes me think that THIS is going as it should.

Tonight, I combed lil one's curls until she fell asleep. AND as cheezy as it sounds, I have never felt so serene in my whole life.

It is true that one of life's greatest pleasures is having one's hair combed. And ALSO, in having the opportunity to comb your precious one's curls.

Beautiful Sunday night :)

Racing to WIN

I ran my first kilometer in months!

and as i feel the wind, my foot on solid ground, i felt my lungs burn, my muscles move and my mind race. and i've never felt so alive. never felt this good too.

Been so long since I ran, I forgot how much I love it.

Lil one went with me and watched me as I go lap after lap and cheered me on like a pro squad: "go for the gold, ma" she screamed and screamed lolz the little rascal always, always supported me in my every endeavor. :)

And we walked the cool down laps together, baby steps, hand in hand and we talked about how beautiful it is to be just outside. She told me about the stars she saw during Science Day and described in detail how they twinkle and create pictures in the sky.



I told her about constellations and the planets far away and she too started her story about fungus in barbieland.. and how it's just a figment of MY imagination-- made me realize how much she has grown!

My baby isn't a baby anymore!! Well, she will always my baby... the same little bundle I cradle at night. BUT she's just growing and growing everyday.

I have NORMAL conversations with her. She voices out her opinion. rarely throws fits for no reason anymore. has learned to draw stick people (with my fave: Mom and Coco with curly hair hihi). She doesn't wear her diapers anymore, refuses to eat pork cuz she says it's not healthy...

Tonight, she told me she doesn't wanna use duckie anymore. Cuz she could sit on the toilet seat without falling into it. AND it just hit me!

You see, the world really doesn't stop, and this lil baby I have is my only reason why things are moving forward.

I am lucky to have such a wonderful daughter. I am lucky to be a mother. And I don't wanna waste any moment of this beautiful luck, because my very existence is defined by being a mother to Coco.

It is because of this luck, I want to continuously improve myself and the life that me and my daughter have. I know it's a bit too early for resolutions but I have made my headstart for 2011 just cause I want to start it better.

This year, I've had a million surprises. A handful opportunities and an infinite number of blessings.

As I want the luck to go on until next, I am taking my faith and hope in my palm and hold my heart for my God to keep.



And I told myself, this crazy ass positive change that I want to happen is really trying. But by just remembering that it is for this lil hand that clasps mine, I have to TOUGH it out.

Did you know that the best things in life happen after you stumble? And that the best aren't always what we have planned out but have accidentally discovered?

Well... tonight, I don't feel so alone anymore. AND I feel like I understand why things happened. All i KNOW is that yes, I am happy. I am not just trying to be a good mother.

I am DOING the little steps. For the little hand that clutches mine, I have all my reason to tough it out. Yes, go for gold.

Pressing Restart.

I have been doing a LOT of thinking lately. About goal resetting, values reorganizing- about everything in my life.

And the whole thing is messing my whole thoughts sooo much that I still am clearly in the middle of it all.

A good start though, I know what I want now. And I know that there are a lot of things that I need to eliminate, issues to process and even emotions to really sort out and throw out.

But for sure, I know this is for the better.

And as I spend more ME time scattered through out the day, just 5 mins of sitting still and feeling things sink in or watching them fly around my head, makes it easier for me to structure the kind of days I want to live in and the kind of days I want my daughter to open her eyes to.

As the days go by, with beautiful blessings around me to remind me of how blessed I am, I get to realize what and who I consider important. And should I want to have that one thing, I should.....

I should... that, I still need to figure out.

But for tonight, I am gonna promise, that tomorrow, I will be different.

I made the first step today, and tomorrow I will continue to make it happen. Until one day, I am already there.

And it's a promise that I am wishing soooo bad to keep.