Last Day of Being a Bum

I feel sick in my stomach.

Some days, I get this- waking up in the middle of the night with my heart racing. And I couldn't remember my dream or if I even had any.

I didn't get a good night sleep back until the sun rose.

Little girl went to school today, I stayed home doing work from my couch But it's such a beautiful morning to be cooped up inside. The sun is shining and the wind is cool, it feels like Monday on a run. There's so much life to my quiet little town. It's simply beautiful.

I brought my little chair outside, so I could a bit of sun and wish the dark circles under my eyes would dissipate in a timely manner. And as I continue with my bed rest, and being on the last day too, I feel like staying at home for good.

NOOOOOOOO. Not. Again.

I guess i've reached the maximum burn out level since I'm not actually wanting to sprint back to my bank job. I just want to stay nested in my old comfortable couch and run errands for little one.

The major change that I am wanting to happen is soon going to happen. And even if I try my best to suck it all up and pretend my feathers aren't ruffled, they actually are. Though I am at my best when changes happen, the actual anticipating of the change to occur always leaves me well, stressed out. Somehow.

I think too much, everyone says. And because I think about things, words, situations over and over, I anticipate changes more than the ordinary. And now, I feel like it's a bad thing.

So this morning, I'm just gonna sit here under the sun, with my laptop and research materials and I savor the quiet and peace. Without a care in the world. Without any pressure from the boss, from my clients, from my transactions..... Just waiting for little girl to come home from school so we can start making little muffins.

I'm just gonna sit here and figure out how to make Misua seem like not Misua for lunch. lolz