Hope in a Mug of Milk Chocolate

I have always believed in miracles. Just as I have always believed in the power of prayer.

Yesterday was a manic Monday for me, it started almost all wrong. The rain never stopped pouring, It's still kinda wet and cold today. Mr. Sun is nowhere to be seen. Little girl was feverish and it was a month-end that left me with a disheveled do and a faded blush. My boss arrived from C yesterday too, just as our auditors happen to arrive one after another too. In between multiple transactions, meetings, client calls, audit reviews and the like, I got an unexpected phone call in the middle of my rainy afternoon.

And just like what my personal M told me, it was what it was.

MOST IMPORTANTLY, it was just like in my prayers dating from Day 1: The day has finally arrived. My long wait is almost over. And the long sadness, that seesaws from a variety of emotions brought by being plunged from that memory back and forth, the whole circus... And the lingering questions that NEVER stopped pouring in.. It's almost on the end of the line.

I imagined IT a thousand and one times in my head. I imagined how I would feel, what will I say, what will I hear, how will I react... How the other end will play out... And it wasn't really what I hoped for. It was GOOD- no, better actually.

I sat there in the T room for a full half hour, just trying to let it all sink in. Trying to comprehend what just happened. Trying to feel SOMETHING. I imagined feeling hurt all over again, but no, unbelievably, it was anything but that. Of all the things I have felt (or expected to feel), I only felt happiness AND relief. Relief that finally, the whole thing is going to an end. Believe it or not. I am happy.

The chapter will be closed. finished. ended. ETC!! :D

I know, it is FAAAAAR from over. But we're getting there. And the sheer idea of it rolling now, I feel like a detainee waiting for the whole fiasco to end.

I'm almost there.

Last night, I came home tired but hopeful. I carried with me in the rain a box of Coco's milk, anti-biotics and fever medicines and a whole lot of optimism in my bag. She's my baby girl, the first miracle I have witnessed in the last four years.

And last night, it was my other HUGE miracle. It was one thing I have prayed for so bad. Because you know, there's peace in mind. Peace in my heart. Peace in his heart.
It was one thing I prayed and prayed for me and little girl. Because when I became a mother to this child, my only wish is to live a peaceful life and to be able to raise my daughter the best way possible.

Little girl and I snuggled in our little couch, clutching warm milk chocolate mugs and watching the rain drops and talked about little things that dot our little world. This is our world, me and little girl and we both find it perfect. We are at peace with this and we are happy. This is all I can ever want in my life: a quiet night with my only little girl, my only love of my life.

One thing I learned, as I sat in bed watching little girl sleeping soundly, waiting to see her fever break, I have learned to forgive myself for all the "mistakes" I have inadvertently taken. And I feel that forgetting will soon happen. And soon, it's just going to be a portion of a colorful past. Only a past in a memory somewhere.

For the first time in four years, I slept with a hopeful smile. I slept knowing that miracles like this still happen, and will continue to happen. Just have faith.

Thank you, God. Thank you for this wonderful break and for the chance to re-live life again. For a second chance in everything and starting fresh, starting different. I hope this will continue rolling until we reach the end.

Hopeful. Nothing but. ♥