Name Calling and Maturity

Over dinner tonight, little girl told me that we should just be eating bread for breakfast or for dinner.

Why? I asked.

"So we would lose weight."

I told her, I may have to lose more weight but I don't really fancy giving up great meals.
Besides, I didn't think she needed to have "weight issues" at this age. So I dismissed the suggestion, but I probed a little deeper.
I asked her what made her think about going on a diet.

She spilled:

On her way home this afternoon, a classmate kept calling her "Tambokikay!" (fat-so) over and over.
And though she bit back with a stingy "Stop It!" The other girl didn't seem to care and continued with the name-calling.

I asked her, "So what did you do?"

She replied: "Nothing. I asked myself if I am fat. My mind whispered I am not. Do you think I'm fat Ma?"

I told her she isn't fat. She already lost that round tummy right? The last thing we need right now is planting seeds of insecurity.
Besides, even if she were fat, no one in the right mind should be telling her that and worse, do the name calling!!

All the while she was explaining and relaying the events, my mind was racing. I mean, hell, who the F this classmate think she is, right? I mean seriously?! I'd pound this creature this moment!! But I continued to listen to her story, pretending it's just all everyday stuff to me. (And that I'm not reaaaalyyyyyy affected)

I asked her to tell me everything.

So, I also learned that her nanny, thankfully, did not intervene. (I believe that my daughter needs to address this kind of bullying herself.) The nanny just told my daughter to not mind the other girl and not to dawdle so they can just go home right away.

Apparently, my daughter who was very bothered and also very mad at the idea that she's being called fat, went home with a lot of steam.

She told me she kicked "some" little rocks in the garage, even if she was still in her school uniform. She would have wanted to throw fits right then, I knew. After all, she IS my daughter, I would have done the same. LOLZ

She also told me that she told the Manangs when she got home, and they told her to talk back at the classmate, call her names too: Pangit (Ugly), Payatot (Reed thin) and Way Batasan (No Manners).

And that this made her laugh. She can't believe she's being given the permission to say mean things! Haha

She also told me that she shouted back that she'll tell her mommy if the other girl won't stop the "tambokikay".

I grinned at the thought of being her superhero.

So I said: What do we do with this classmate of yours?

And because we are both born with mean bones, we seem to have a lot of mean things running in our minds at that exact moment.

So we looked at each other, said nothing and laughed like what the hell is so funny.

I wanted to tell her to say those things too!
I wanted her to yell back all the crap she thinks that little bully is.
I wanted her to kick the classmate in the face!
I wanted her to put that girl in her place - i mean, no ONE bullies us. ever!!

But you know, this five year-old daughter of mine, after she was done with her complaints, and whining and venting, she said this with finality in her voice:

"I don't know why she said those mean things, Ma. I mean, she's my friend. I even helped her with the clay project earlier. I let her borrow my stuff too. But I guess, she's just being mean and bad and hurtful. I just don't understand why."

Oh little one...., I hugged her. This is one of the many, many questions you will ask yourself as you grow older.

I told her: Some people are just mean and they say bad things at you, or about you. But always remember to never say the same about them. No matter how badly people act, remember that your mom taught you that and that you were raised right. And that you are a good person who never says bad things about anyone.

HA! I rolled my eyes as I listened to my piece of advice. I mean, really, I wanted to tell her: Punch her in the face!!

Yet, I said that because I truly believe my little girl can grow up to be kind and honest, and better than I was. She will not bully another human being in this planet! So even if I wanted her to bully the other girl back, my 'mature mommy side' won.

My little girl won't fight meanness by meanness. Because I tell myself, she's better than that!

I asked her what she's going to do tomorrow, if the other girl does the same thing again.

She said: "I'll tell her to stop calling me that. Because it's not nice and it's disrespectful. And because it makes me 'feel' Mad."

I swear, I could have stood and shouted bravo that very instant!

She's better at this diplomacy and respect BS I bookish-ly try to teach her, than I am. Hahaha Buti nalang.

I persisted and asked her: And if she still won't stop?

My little girl replied: "Then I will make her worry about things that concern her other than my being tambok. After all, she is just Medyo Gwapa, you know (Just slightly pretty) and tiny. Maybe she should worry about that more, Ma."

With this, I smiled my smile of victory. Way to go, little girl!
Always start with diplomacy. But if all else fails, give them crap they would never forget!!