Tough Cookie

It was a tough day at work today.

It was utter chaos.


Today,

(1) I've been screamed at by irate clients THREE times.
And yet, they're mad not because of me, but of some other lousy department's inefficiency.
But as a result, they are mad AT me.

This is because they rationalize that the other department isn't different from me.
For all they care, even if I am A and the other department is B, we are A=B.

WTF.

All I could manage to say was: I understand.

But I don't!!!
I f**n don't!

(2) Lost and found an important document after an agonizing hour of searching through my garbage of files.
Just because I forgot I already prepared it at the start of the day.

(3) Did work that is supposedly mine, because people demand that we "walk the extra mile"; so people have the right to impose their brattiness.  Hei, I don't mind doing the extra leg you know, but please, please ask nicely. I am not a f**n robot.

(4)  Waiiiiiiiteeeeeed for one department to do their work. because that's what they do, always make me wait. (I seem to be always last on the priority, though they say I'm not);

(5) A consistently irate client is having another waive of problems, and insisted that she doesn't want to speak to anyone but me because nobody listens to her anymore (and she bullies me to listen to her); then when I tell her I cannot answer something I cannot explain, because I did not do or facilitate, she tells me I'm a fucking liar. (Seriously? ambooooott!!!)

Pretty much having the worst day of my life. almost worst.


I wanted to cry. Cry out of frustration. Cry because I feel like I should have known (and anticipated the next requirement). Cry because I was tired. Cry because I don't appreciate being insulted or talked down.

Cry because no matter how hard I try, it just doesn't work out easy.
And also cry because things didn't go the way I expected them to.

I cannot shake off the feeling that I must not be doing enough as I always seem to be running after transaction, trying to beat deadlines and encountering ten million road blocks.

I cannot shake off the feeling that everything is MY fault.

God, if you see my file room, it's one big garbage pit.
My table is a mess.
The folders are a mile high.
My pending is neck deep.
My email is all red.
My mobile phones are dead.

And every time I try to clean up the files, set time to organize, I get up to send a report. Because everything is urgent.
Get up to answer the phone. fax a document. photocopy a document. email a document. (and eat a document!)
Get up to meet an agent. client. messenger. (and king. hari. primadonna.)
Get up to assist an existing client who insists on being serviced like a king, because his _ couldn't. (and the other department would just say, we're short of manpower. YEAAAHHH really? tell me about it.)
Get up to address my clients' conerns;-- concerns which I couldn't really do something about. (except say, I'll help you follow through with them  then everything will eventually blow up in my face)

And it's consuming. It's depressing.

It's depressing that I don't get to get my act together.

I wish I could

Keep my desk clean - paper free, dust free.
Keep the file room arranged and in order.
Sit and smile at courteous clients- who mind their manners and proper conduct. (I'm not your f**n yaya, you know)
Laugh with the agents. (Now I can't even give them five minutes of chika because I'm too busy :( )
Send reports on time.
Pay my bills on time.

Where the hell did those kinds of days go?

But you know, I'm a tough cookie.
I claim to be.

I cry tonight. I rant. I will sleep early.
Tomorrow, I will grab the day by it's horns and things better work out.

Otherwise, it's gonna be a helluva week.

So you know, if you're a client (of some resto, boutique, financial institution or bakery),
please try to be nice.

A small thank you, please, i'm sorry goes a long way.
Not raising your voice is a sign of respect.
It doesn't kill you to be mindful of the words that you speak.

It doesn't hurt to smile at people you encounter, and just be nice.